


Please and thank you

by cherryflesh



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alpha Negan (Walking Dead), Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Dom/sub Undertones, Dubious Consent, M/M, Negan Being Negan, Negan Being an Asshole, Omega Rick, Rimming, Swearing, dick worship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2017-04-17
Packaged: 2018-09-10 15:03:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 16
Words: 47,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8921710
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cherryflesh/pseuds/cherryflesh
Summary: Rick hates what his life has become but he is desperately trying to adjust to it. Negan realizes that he wants Rick, and there might be a reason why...
A slightly different, more subtle, take on the alpha/omega dynamic. SPOILERS for the mid-season finale!





	1. 28 fucks were given

**Author's Note:**

> Ok, so this is my first try on the whole alpha/omega thing! It's pretty subtle, no huge thing that dominates the structure of society, no heat or mpreg (that we know of), it's basically just an unusual genetic disorder woefully under-prioritized in research so very little is known about it. Many things are pure assumptions (omegas = bad leaders etc.).
> 
> Sooo... I thought it would be fun if deranged-sooper-alpha Negan caught a whiff of family-man-turned-sooper-survivor-but-also-maybe-secretly-omega Rick? 
> 
> Apart from the A/O thing the story is true to canon up until the end of the mid-season finale, which in this story is replaced by Rick brooding at his kitchen table. 
> 
> Anyway, please let me know what you think! <3

It wasn’t supposed to have gone like that.

Negan took a sip from his whiskey glass, slowly rolling the maroon liquid around in his mouth. Swallowed. Bared his teeth in a brief grimace.

_Rick._

That first meeting. He had gone with his gut feeling, and for some reason it had zeroed in on Rick more single-mindedly than he had ever experienced before. Sure, he always targeted the leaders. Made sure they understood the situation. Made sure they were well and truly on board with the fact that he was now in charge.

But that meeting… yes, he had been pissed the hell off from the very beginning. The fucking nerve of them, mowing down his men like a fucking swat team. Still…

With Rick, he had gone above and beyond his normal treatment. He needed Rick to break, to submit to him completely. In the end, he had turned his mind inside out and made him crawl.

Even now, the memory made him hard instantly.

Downing the last of his whiskey, he palmed himself through his jeans, lost in the memory of holding Rick’s face, digging his fingers into his cheeks as the sea-green eyes filled with tears.

Only afterwards, coming hard in his own hand hours later, had he realized what the fuck that was about.

It had to be some fucking alpha-omega bullshit. He had been diagnosed with the genetic disorder – at least that’s what they called it – at a young age. Alpha spectrum. A fuckload of behavioral traits, aggressive, possessive, dominant, all that shit. They told him that his best bet was finding an omega to hook up with, permanently-like, but they were so rare it was almost impossible. Said something about balancing behavior, like he needed a fucking anchor to keep him in place.

Sounded like a steaming pile of bullshit in Negan’s ears. What the fuck would he do with a fragile, whiny little bitch? He hadn’t given it much thought, and had assumed that all of them had been killed off when the world went to shit anyway.

But _Rick_. Fucker smelled like a proper _invitation._ Did that mean he was an omega? The next time they met, a tiny bit of truth slipped out before he could catch it.

> _”I missed you.”_

Luckily, judging by the spark of anger in Rick’s eyes, he thought Negan was fucking around with him. Good. He would have a fucking fit if he knew that Negan has jerked off to the thought of coming in his ass. To the fantasy of slowly pushing his dick into him while keeping eye contact. Rick had begged for more, swallowing his tears and his pain while Negan claimed him, _owned_ him in the only way that was left.

Again he had acted on his gut feeling. Not crushing Rick into the ground anymore, no. But fucking _dominating_ him, oh yeah.

_Look at me, Rick. I can protect you if you play nice. I’ll protect your cute little town too._

He had made some lewd jokes about that widow, trying to get a rise out of him, but finding out that she was dead… he had mentally added her to the list of people that he had taken away from Rick. Had unconsciously decided not to take any more. He had even spared his whelp. Shit, he could tell that Rick had not expected it. When Negan approached the boy, Rick had been fucking _frantic_ to protect him, to get the kid to back down. Negan had been reasonable about it, hadn’t hurt the kid.

The best part had been in the storage facility, where he waited until everybody had filed away before invading Rick’s personal space, stepping in really close, close enough to inhale his delicious scent, to watch the fear and anger roll and break in those pretty eyes of his. Still a shred of rebellion, a willful spark that Negan absolutely fucking _adored._

And later… if Negan didn’t know better, he’d say the fucker was _flirting_ with him.

> _”Can you give me a second?”_
> 
> _”No”_
> 
> _”… Can you PLEASE give me a second?”  
>  _

Fuck, he could have kissed those trembling lips.

Again, when it was just the two of them, he couldn’t help himself.

> _”I just slid my dick down your throat. And you thanked me for it.”_

Now there’s a fantasy that got him off more than once. He just needed Rick to get on board.

When the whelp decided to try to fucking kill him, and failing spectacularly at it, Negan changed tactics. Decided to show how he could keep Rick’s closest family safe too. He had wanted Rick to come home to that, to Negan being in the middle of his little family. _Not fucking hurting anyone._ The little girl was an adorable bonus. The whelp he felt some grudging affection for already, fucking badass in the making, but the little girl sparked some unexpected parental instincts.

He enjoyed that scenario for awhile, trying to mute the nagging feeling of worry. Rick sure took his sweet time getting home. Had Negan sent him out to die? Nah, he was a survivor. Still, it made him restless. Angry. Sitting at home with the fucking kids while _his_ omega was out fighting walkers. Fucking _unarmed_.

_Because of me._

And then that fucking asshole showed up. Spencer. Spouting some ridiculous nonsense about him being in charge. Sneaking around while Rick was out there trying to protect them. Fuck, the disloyalty got under his skin. It felt good sliding the knife into his guts. It felt good yelling at the stupid chick for trying to kill him. But not as good as the fucking relief seeing Rick stumble towards him through the crowd.

> _”We had a deal..!”_

Negan had called his name spontaneously, so relieved, downright fucking giddy, at his return that his voice had caught in his throat.

_Lose my voice, my ass._

Thankfully, Rick hadn’t noticed, just looked around at the carnage desperately. Negan had felt the need to explain himself. After all, this wasn’t the point that he’d wanted to make. But he didn’t get a ’thank you’ that time, and he hadn’t pressed.

Rick needed him. Negan just had to make him understand that.

His fingers absentmindedly twisted Lucille around and around.

_I think it’s time to pay him another visit.  
_

 

* * *

 

 

Rick was sitting by the kitchen table, staring at his hands in silence. Carl had finally gone to bed and Judith was fast asleep. The talk with Carl had been… difficult. He had gone in thinking that he needed to put his foot down, to explain to Carl that his reckless actions had consequences, that he was in fact lucky to be alive. 

Turned out it was unnecessary. Carl was already blaming himself for bringing Negan and the Saviors down on them. The death of Spencer and Olivia… Rick pulled him into a tight embrace when his shoulders started to shake.

With the kids tucked away for the night, he tried to make sense of his own emotional state. Terrified, hanging on by a thread. For Carl’s and Judith’s sake. For Michonne’s and Daryl’s and Maggie’s and the rest of them. For all their sakes he had to keep it together.

His hands shook on the table and he tightened his hold, taking deep breaths.

_Negan._

The name sparked a rush of fear and anger inside him, little black spots of terror and hate flowing through his veins. And something else, something that added another layer of fear. It had taken some time to identify. It wasn’t the sweet ache for Lori, or the slow building respect for Michonne as one survivor to another. No, this was an unknown, a dark whisper from some hidden part of his soul. That urged him to submit to a monster of a man who couldn’t, _couldn’t_ be trusted.

He had tried. Tried so fucking _hard_ to follow the insane rules, to make the best of it, and protect everyone. It was never enough.

_Can’t live like this._

Tomorrow he’d go out further, try harder. But what if he would come back to find more of his people dead? Carl would get himself killed, trying to protect someone. And Rick wouldn’t be there to protect _him._

A heavy knock on the door startled him out of his thoughts. Who the hell could it be at this hour? He rubbed his hand over his face, taking a deep breath as he got up and went to the door. Opened it.

Negan leered at him and Rick took an involuntarily step back, fear crackling through his mind as the large man stepped inside.

_The kids._

”Evening, Rick!” Negan said loudly and chuckled when Rick flinched. ”Fuck, I’m sorry,” he whispered. ”The kids are asleep, right? We better be quiet then, won’t we?”

Rick said nothing as Negan entered the kitchen and leaned casually against the counter. The clean shaven face was a hell of a lot more intimidating than the beard. Naked, the smile was broad and vicious, like a grinning wolf.

”What do you want?” Rick asked at last, the knot in his stomach tightening at the thought of the threat inside the house. Negan, as a contrast, seemed to be completely comfortable.

”It’s not about what I want, Rick. It’s about what _you_ want”, Negan replied, his jovial expression suddenly turned off like a light, mouth thin and serious. ”See, it’s important to keep the people working for you happy. You,” he continued, pointing towards him. ”do not seem happy. So I ask you…” That horrible smile came back, spreading over his face like a knife wound. ”What _would_ make you happy?”

_You going away. Please leave. Please._

Rick didn’t trust himself to speak. His mind raced, trying to come up with an acceptable reply.

_Don’t rob us of our supplies every other goddamn day. Don’t force me to spend all my time out there, scavenging for you when I should be with my family. Don’t haunt the town with your murderous presence._

When he didn’t reply Negan’s eyes narrowed and he licked his lips. Lucille swung back and forth in his hand like a cat’s tail.

”Nothing? Really, you gonna make me fucking guess?” He stepped closer slowly, like he had all the time in the world. Rick managed to fight the need to back away and just stood there until he had to crane his neck to look Negan in the eye. White teeth flashed in another grin. ”I am _guessing…_ that you _really really_ want me to go away, ain’t that right?”

Once again, Rick tried to come up with a good answer and found nothing. He pressed his lips together, but eventually nodded, eyes darting from Negan to the door leading to the only way upstairs, to the front door, and back again.

Negan leaned in until Rick could feel his warm breath against the side of his face.

”Then I got some bad news for you, Rick,” the large man said in a low, intimate rasp. ”Because I’m not going _anywhere_.”

Rick nodded again, his breath shallow with the effort of keeping himself steady. Up close Negan smelled like leather and musk and something else that made him tense and relax at the same time. There was a few seconds of silence when the only sound was their breathing. Rick frowned.

_Is… is he smelling me too..?_

He flinched when Negan turned his head sharply, dark eyes capturing his own. Rick found that he could not look away, tried to will himself to drop his gaze but couldn’t.

”Rick. Are you an _omega_?”

The question hit him like a fist and for a moment he forgot to breathe. His shock must have shown on his face because Negan’s smile widened.

Because there it was. The secret that not even Lori had known. The thing he had actively worked against since he had been told he could not be any of the things he had envisioned for himself. Omegas can’t be police officers, the doctors and school nurses told him. Omegas can’t be leaders. Turned out he could be, if he didn’t tell anyone what lurked in his genetic code.

Thoughts speeding up, he took a step back, staring at Negan. _Why? Why is he asking me this?_

A second fist joined the first and his eyes widened in realization. He stared in mute horror at the alpha before him. Negan was in all ways the embodiment of his worst nightmare, powerful, sadistic, _controlling_.

”No..! No.” He repeated the lie, shaking his head in denial. ”I’m not an omega. I’m not.”

Negan’s smile faded.

”You _lying_ to me, Rick?” He asked, hissing an inhale and throwing a look to the ceiling as if he was communicating with God. ”That’s just not very smart. No sir. That’s downright _fucking stupid_.”

Rick’s heartbeat sped up as the alpha half-turned and put Lucille on the table, before closing the space between him and Rick.

”You are about to find out exactly how stupid that is”, he added softly, the velvet threat sliding under Rick’s skin.

 

 

 


	2. 17 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick finds out what Negan wants.

Bullshit he wasn’t an omega. Lying little shit.

”Thought we had established some level of _trust_ between us, Rick. Guess I was wrong about that”, he said, studying Rick intently while moving around him. ”Gotta say, that’s _very_ disappointing.”

Rick said nothing, just stood still as Negan circled him like a shark. The smaller man radiated fear, from his trembling lips to the small shivers that ran through his whole body. What had previously aroused Negan now set his teeth on edge. Because he had begun to think of Rick as a potential mate? And hadn’t he decided to change tactics?

He sighed, stopping right behind Rick. Leaned over his shoulder, putting his mouth to the other’s ear. Grinning when he flinched at the proximity.

”Sit down”, he whispered.

Rick hesitated, but eventually sat down by the table. Negan went away, confident that Rick would still be sitting when he returned a minute later with the razor. He placed it on the table with a pointed grin, noticing how Rick’s eyes drifted to it, but knowing that he wouldn’t reach for it.

”What are you going to do?” Rick asked, his voice soft and hoarse. _Fucking Christ, does every word out of his mouth make me hard now?_

”Why, I’m gonna shave off that prickly beard of yours”, he replied when he returned to the table again, placing a cup and shaving cream on the table next to the razor.

Rick stared at him incredulously.

”Shave me?” he repeated at last, cringing back when Negan lathered up his hands and brought them to his face.

”Yeah. And you better sit absolutely fucking still.”

Rick blinked several times, then swallowed hard and lifted his chin, holding still as Negan smeared shaving cream across his chin, cheeks, upper lip and throat. He kept the touch gentle. _See, Rick? See how fucking gentle I can be?_

He put the razor to his throat, glancing up to look Rick in the eye.

”Look, I _know_ that you’re an omega. You know how I know?” he said calmly, moving the razor, revealing the smooth skin underneath. ”Because I can smell it.”

_scraaaaape_

”Don’t get me wrong, you smell fucking _delicious_ ”, Negan continued when Rick said nothing. He paused to look him deep in the eye, giving him a slow smile that made Rick avert his eyes immediately. ”And I mean _really fucking delicious_.”

When Rick refused to meet his eyes, he chuckled and continued.

_scraaaape_

”I came here to talk with you about that, Rick. See, it’s very simple. You have something I want. And I have a lot to offer.”

_scraaaape_

”What do you want?” Rick whispered between strokes of the razor blade. Negan paused, running his thumb over a patch of smooth skin on Rick’s cheek.

”So glad you decided to join the conversation. I want _you_. As my mate, officially bonded, all that shit.”  
  


* * *

  
He didn’t see that coming. Perhaps he should have. When the words left Negan’s mouth he couldn’t help his reaction and jerked, twisted aside as if to get away from them. The blade sliced a red arch across his cheekbone and something warm and wet trickled down his cheek. 

”Shit! What the fuck!” Negan’s upper lip was drawn up in a snarl and the explosive words made Rick flinch as if hit. He very nearly landed on the floor before Negan grabbed his arms and held him in place. ”Told you to _fucking sit still_!”

A few long seconds ticked by, while he forced himself to not fight back and just sit still in the hard grip, trying to quell the panic. Negan stared at him, agression rolling off him in waves. Then, as sudden as it had emerged, he seemed to reign in the anger.

”Fuck’s sake, Rick.” He went to the kitchen sink. Rick sat where he left him, trying to wrap his head around the words. Negan came back with a first aid kit that was attached to the wall, and proceeded to clean the wound carefully. ”Not deep. Thank fuck for that.”

Mate. Bondmate. Oh God, he didn’t know enough about that. He’d dodged all the information from the beginning, determined not to make it part of his life. What did it even mean?

”What… what does that mean?” he asked, as Negan secured the pad on his cheekbone with surgical tape.

”What, being bonded?” Negan regarded him slyly for a moment. ”Fuck if I know. Guess it’s like being married. We’d be husbands. Wouldn’t that just be hilarious?” He laughed loudly at that, then slapped a hand over his mouth and chuckled quietly. ”Shit, sorry, forgot about the kids.”

Rick didn’t laugh. Nausea was rolling through him at the thought of being ”married” to Negan. Especially as an omega. Because he could imagine… the way Negan was looking at him… touching him as if he was already property. Which, he reminded himself, he already was. The thought stung, but it also made him wonder why Negan didn’t just, well, claim him. Why there was even a discussion.

Then he remembered the exact words and frowned.

”You said you had a lot to offer…” he trailed off and Negan smiled, wound forgotten.

”I did!” He rubbed his hands together. ”Let the negotiations begin!” He picked up the razor again and smiled at Rick. ”Now, if you could just sit still like I fucking asked you to, we can finish your shave.”

Rick obeyed, listening carefully at Negan’s words when he outlined the deal.

”First of all, your family would be my family. Nobody would touch your kids again, you can fucking well trust me on that.”

The blade scraped over the last patch on his face and Rick blinked. Negan nodded towards the kitchen sink.

”Yeah, go wash up.”

”There are more people in my family”, Rick said as he dried himself off. Negan watched him, tongue flicking out to lick his lips as he grinned.

”You’re a fucking _gorgeous_ man, Rick. Anyone ever told you that?”

Rick looked away, hands on his hips. Embarrassed. Negan waved him back to the table.

”Right. Fine. More people. Everybody on their knees that first time we met, right?”

”Yeah.” Rick closed his eyes for a moment, pushing away the memory of that night.

”Secondly – you’ll like this – no more scavenging runs for this town. You’re officially off the hook”, Negan continued, watching Rick closely.

No more scavenging runs? No more Saviors showing up to take half of everything? Fuck, this was turning into a deal he couldn’t refuse.

”We want Daryl back”, he heard himself say. For a second Negan’s expression grew cold and hard, then he smiled and flung his arms out in an all-encompassing gesture.

”Why the hell not? He’d be family, wouldn’t he? Sure.” Then he leaned forward until there was less than an inch of air between their lips. ”I’m so goddamm reasonable, you better be fucking servicing my dick 24/7.”

Rick looked him in the eye, trying not to show how much his words terrified him.

”And we want our guns back”, he said and inhaled sharply when Negans strong fingers grabbed his chin in a vice grip.

”Pushing it, Rick. Really fucking pushing it.”

Rick said nothing, just maintained eye contact for as long as he could. Then he dropped his gaze and the grip instantly softened.

”You’ll get some guns back. Not all. Once we are bonded, I’ll make sure you get some weapons back here”, Negan said, tracing Rick’s jawline with his thumb.

Rick nodded, leaning back from the touch that felt better than it had any right to feel. He actually had to quell the impulse to lean _into_ the touch, even closing the space between them, putting his head on that shoulder… the impulse frightened him. Was that a reaction from his omega side?

He straightened up, trying to maintain some level of dignity.

”That’d be good. Thank you”, he said gruffly and Negan’s face lit up like a Christmas tree.

”Don’t mention it. Now, are we done negotiating?”

”What about your terms?” Rick asked and closed his eyes briefly when Negan barked out a laugh.

”Don’t you worry about me, Rick. I always get what I want.” He leaned back and gave him a slow, broad grin. ”All of it is already baked right into the bond between us.”

”I want to know more about the bond.”

For a moment Negan said nothing, just watched Rick intently. His tongue flicked out to wet his lips.

”How much do you know?”

”Very little”, he admitted. ”Almost nothing. I need to know what is… expected of me.”

”Well, our doctor don’t know much”, Negan said, leaning back in the chair to regard Rick with an amused glint in his dark eyes.

”He must know _something_ , otherwise you wouldn’t have trusted it”, Rick pressed.

”The bond is unbreakable, apparently. Literally ’til death do us part.” When nothing else seemed to be forthcoming, Rick shifted in his seat.

”Why do you want this?” he asked at last. ”What’s in it for you?”

” _You_ , Rick. Never met an omega before. Think we’d make a good match. You’d be like one of my wives.”

Carl had told Rick about Negan’s wives, and Rick had been disgusted. Being grouped with them was not something he looked forward to.

”Of course, you’d be here”, Negan continued.

He didn’t really have any choice. Not if he wanted to protect the people he cared about.

”How, uh, how do we do this?” he asked, imagining making some sort of vow.

”Glad you asked.” Negan stood up and put his hand on his belt, as if preparing to undress. ”We seal the deal by fucking.”

Rick stared up at him, not comprehending. His lips parted when it slowly dawned on him what exactly he had agreed to.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your kind comments! I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Feedback and comments are very welcome! They make me squee. :3
> 
> Happy holidays, everyone!! <3


	3. 19 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And the negotiations continued... with a little bit of touching, yay!

 ”No. Uh… _no_ ”, Rick breathed, shaking his head. It hadn’t occurred to him that it would be right away. That it would be the thing that made it official. Maybe it didn’t have to be? ”Look”, he said placatingly, holding his hands up palms out. ”I accept that it’s part of the deal, that we have to do it, but…”

_But what?_ He couldn’t find a good end to the sentence, so he trailed off. Negan’s smile never wavered, he only looked more amused.

”Oh _Rick_ ”, he sighed, sounding delighted. ”Don’t you worry none. I wouldn’t dream of pressuring you into anything. You tell me when you’re ready, and we tie the knot.” He lingered for a moment longer, then walked towards the door. ”Ball’s in your court”, he called over his shoulder.

Rick remained sitting for a second longer, stunned. He had assumed he would have had to fend Negan off, but if it was truly up to Rick whether they did it or not then everyone who got hurt on scavenger hunts from now on would be Rick’s fault. 

_Daryl…_

”Wait!” He shot to his feet and caught up with Negan in the hallway. The bigger man turned with an indulgent smile.

”Look, I’m ready. Let’s do it.”

Negan’s eyebrows shot up and he leaned back as if Rick had said something that was extraordinary.

”Whoa! I’ll be honest with you, I did _not_ think you’d warm up that quickly.” He paused, giving him a shrewd look. ”Are you sure? Because if I’m not completely fucking mistaken, you were a blushing virgin ten seconds ago.”

Rick stared at him, chin lifted in challenge. Negan’s eyes narrowed and he leaned in for a kiss, chuckling when Rick quickly retreated a step, leaning away.

”’Ready’, my goddamn ass. Let me know when you grow some balls, princess”, he said, turning towards the door again.

  

* * *

 

 

Mid-turn he was stopped by a hand on his chest and lighting fast, so goddamn fast he might as well had magined it, he felt a light peck on his lips. He blinked, for once speechless. Then he burst out laughing.

”What the hell was that? You kiss like a fucking baby bird asking for food!” he chortled. His lips tingled, as if he had just licked a battery. As brief as the contact had been, it still managed to get his dick hard. Fuck, he really had to go.

Negan hadn’t taken more than a couple of steps when his wrist was grabbed and he was turned around and slammed into the wall. Next thing he knew Rick grabbed a fistful of leather and pulled him down for a hard kiss. It was desperate, bruising, and part of Negan was intrigued, wanted to see how far Rick would take it. Another set of instincts, a deep-seated _need_ that went far deeper than want, urged him to take control of the situation.

When Rick pulled away, eyes slightly dazed, Negan immediately shot forward, capturing his lips again while backing him into the wall. With Rick held firmly in place, he took his sweet time kissing him. The initial brutal kiss softened into teasing, nipping, and tracing the seam of his lips with his tongue. When Rick’s lips parted he slipped his tongue inside. Rick’s eyes had widened in alarm but the initial panic seemed to abate while Negan continued kissing him leisurely, like they had all the time in the world.

”C’mon, Rick”, he urged, nipping this soft bottom lip until it was red. Fuck, he wanted to make it _bleed._ But he couldn’t afford to freak him out. It was too early, too fragile. Instead he dragged his teeth along the sharp jawline, down the soft skin of his throat, inhaling his scent deeply. Rick’s hands had moved from the front of his jacket to his upper arms, squeezing tightly but not pushing away. He moved in closer, crowding the smaller man, grounding their bodies together.

Fuck, that felt right. Rubbing his fucking scent all over him.

When his own hard dick moved against the bulge in Rick’s pants both of them groaned. Rick’s legs trembled and inched apart. Negan would bet anything that hadn’t been intentional but fuck if he wasn’t gonna take advantage…

”That’s right..”, he growled softly and let one hand move from the narrow hip to his ass. Rick jerked at the touch, and the movement became more of a thrust, grinding their dicks together. There was a sharp inhalation from Rick and Negan groaned. ” _Fuck_ , Rick…” Second hand landed heavily on his ass, pushing them closer together.

 

* * *

 

 

Too much. Rick was dizzy from the sensations, from his own body’s unfamiliar reactions. Negan smelled like leather and tobacco, like gunpowder and salt and grit.

_Home._ Where did that thought come from?

Part of him was acting on pure instinct, tilting his head between kisses, offering his throat to Negan’s teeth. The large man made rough sounds of approval, short grunts between bites and kisses that settled like balm over Rick’s frayed nerves.

He _loved_ it.

He _hated_ it.

”Wait..” Was that his voice? Hoarse and breathless…

When Negan showed no sign of stopping, he repeated the word more forcefully and the strong hands stilled. Negan leaned back to study his face, but didn’t pull away or let go.

He fought a losing battle to breathe calmly and evenly, and when Negan started to look impatient he hastened to explain himself.

”The kids…” he started, then shook his head, glancing towards the door.

”Oh, I see”, Negan chuckled, his amused smirk widening to a broad grin. ”You’re afraid Carl will walk in on you making out with big bad Negan. That would be _horrible_.” The explosive emphasis he put on the word ’horrible’ made Rick cringe. Past experiences had taught him that it usually meant Negan had a view on something, and nothing good ever came after that.

”I… I’ll talk to him. Explain”, he said quickly, hoping that would be enough.

”See that you do, Rick. Make real sure he understands how it works. ’Cause I don’t think it’s _my place_ to explain fuckin _bird and the bees_ to your kid, but I’ll do it if you won’t.”

_God no. No no no._

”I’ll handle it”, he said with just a hint of steel in his voice. Enough for Negan to go silent for a second and just _watch_ him in that heated way he sometimes did. His smile never wavered. After a moment he leaned in and nudged Rick’s head to the side, giving his neck sharp nip and a kiss, just beneath his ear.

Rick blinked, unprepared for the simple gesture that was almost affectionate, and for the wave of heat on his neck and face.

Negan took a step back, pulling him away from the wall.

”Let’s go”, he said, suddenly all business. Rick almost lost his balance but righted himself quickly.

”Go where?”

Negan turned with his hand on the door handle.

”Well, if I can’t fuck you here, you’re coming with me to the Sanctuary.”

Everything in him was repelled by that. After what Carl had told him, he never wanted to see the inside of that place. His disgust must have shown on his face because Negan’s grip hardened before he seemed to catch himself and let go of him.

” _Fuck’s sake_ ”, he snapped, eyes narrow and mouth tense and unsmiling. A small tick in his upper lip reminded Rick of an outright snarl. ”You don’t want a screaming orgasm with my dick in your ass _here_ , because it might hurt the fucking _fragile sensibilities_ of your little _killer kid_ upstairs, that’s fucking _fine_ , I _respect_ that. It’s _my_ place or _yours_ , princess. So guess what? We’re going to _mine._ Or do you want me to drive us to the middle of nowhere and fuck you in the _car?_ ”

Rick hadn’t raised his eyes from the floor since Negan had mentioned the dick in ass aspect of what they were about to do, but when the car was mentioned he looked up hopefully. Which seemed to agitate Negan more.

”You gotta be _shitting me_. The fucking _car?_ Why the _fuck_ would you- _”_ He stopped himself and studied Rick’s face. Slowly a grin transformed his expression from angry to sadistic glee. ”Oh, I _see_. You don’t want anyone to _know_. That’s it, isn’t it? You think if it happens out there, you can just curl up and repress the fuck out of that memory. Oh, and maybe it could always happen like that? Evil ol’ Negan showing up now and dragging you off to have his wicked way with you, and _nobody would know._ ”

His words hit too close to home, much too close. Rick had dropped his gaze to the floor again, shaking his head in mute denial. Negan stepped closer until he was invading his space again, looming above him like a storm cloud.

”See, I won’t fucking have that. No sir,” Negan told him, his voice soft and lethal. ” _Everybody_ will know you’re mine. I’ll make fucking _sure_ of that.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year, lovelies! <3
> 
> Thank you for all your lovely feedback! I will reply to all comments! :) 
> 
> So, um, I hope you enjoyed! Please keep commenting, I really really appreciate it! <3


	4. 44 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut ahoy! Fair warning, my rainbow unicorns - it got reaaaally filthy and explicit. I blame Negan.

”Yeah, okay. Okay”, Rick said quietly, shoulders tense and stooped in defeat.

”Yeah?” Negan prompted. ”You good?”

Rick nodded jerkily, not trusting himself to speak. Everyone would know? That he was an omega? _Negan’s_ omega? A nightmare future spread out in his mind and he shuddered.

”No”, he breathed before he could help himself.

”Didn’t catch that. Speak up.” Negan’s voice was dangerously soft, but somehow Rick found the courage to look up, to meet his eyes.

”No. Not good. I don’t want anybody to know what I am”, he said firmly. Negan’s thunderous expression eased at the last words.

”That so? Well, I wouldn’t want to make it awkward for you, so… tell you what, you cook up any story you like, as long as everybody, and I mean _everybody_ , knows that we’re bonded.” Negan leaned in. ”But between you and me, your boy should know about you.”

”Why?” he asked, immediately disliking the thought. Carl didn’t have to know. Negan had emasculated Rick in front of Carl enough already, outing him as an omega would only add insult to injury.

”Oh come _on._ Why do you think your boy went through all that trouble to try to kill me?”

When Rick didn’t answer Negan grinned.

”Oh, for a shitload of reasons, I’m sure! But mostly because he was trying to protect _you._ ”

”Me?” he said incredulously. ”Protect _me?”_

”Don’t tell me you haven’t figured it out.” Negan’s voice had taken on a teasing edge and he gave him a shrewd look. ”Don’t you know what you’re raising?”

He stared at him, thoughts racing. ”What” he was raising?

”What are you talking about?”

”Your kid’s growing up. And guess what he’s starting to smell like?” Negan sounded delighted.

Rick went cold. _No. No, that can’t be true._ Negan, clearly seeing that he was catching on, whistled.

”Oh yeah. Really pisses him off to have a bigger, badder alpha around.”

Rick pinched his nose, then rubbed his eyelids roughly while his thoughts raced. Carl an alpha? That was something he hadn’t even considered.

”Are you sure?” he asked, then wondered why he would trust anything that came out of Negan’s mouth. The man shrugged.

”As sure as can be without a fucking blood test.” Then he fixed Rick with a glare. ”Point is, I don’t want any fucking bullshit from him. Hope I have made that perfectly fucking clear, because if he waves a gun in my face again I’m gonna shut that shit _down_.”

Rick nodded wordlessly, dread settling like a cold weight in his stomach. Every odd behavior from Carl he had written off as a result of the world ending and all the various traumas that had followed. What if there was more? What if Carl was not only a boy growing up in a wretched world, adapting to the cutthroat rules of it? What if he was an alpha on top of all that? He wished he had taken the time to learn more about that spectrum, as well as his own. Ignoring it clearly hadn’t done him any favors. A truly horrifying thought struck him. What if _Negan_ was the only fully grown alpha around? Would Carl learn from _him_?

”I’ll take care of it”, he said quietly, not knowing where to start. One thing at a time.

”Good. Now come on, let’s go already.” Negan placed a hand at the small of his back, but stepped away and walked into the kitchen.

”Give me a second”, he called over his shoulder.

”No”, he heard behind him and rolled his eyes.

”Give me a second, _please_ ”, he said dryly and heard a chuckle in response. He grabbed a pen and a piece of paper and scribbled something quickly, then put it on the fridge.

He jumped when a weight landed on his right shoulder.

”’I’ll be back in the morning. Love, Dad.’” Negan read out loud, his warm breath tickling his neck. ”You sure about that?”

”Yes. I am”, he replied firmly and felt Negan smile against his neck before straightening up. ”Right, let’s go.”

 

* * *

 

The drive to the Sanctuary was silent. Arat was in the backseat, her face an expressionless mask. If she had any opinion of what he was doing, she knew better than to let him know, or to tell anyone. Arat was as unfailingly loyal as a well-trained doberman. As soon as Rick had spotted her outside of his house, he had gone quiet. Negan assumed that he was uncomfortable discussing fucking in front of Arat.

Negan didn’t give a shit, but the silence grated on his patience. As soon as they arrived at the old factory, and Arat melted into the background at a nod from him, he ushered Rick to his rooms and closed the door behind them.

”Fucking _finally!_ ” he said loudly, grinning when Rick jumped. He noticed that the omega was slightly pale, and tutted as he put Lucille down so that he could shrug off his leather jacket. ”What’s the matter, Rick? Second thoughts?”

Rick shook his head no but his eyes darted around the room without really settling on anything. His hands visibly trembled as he struggled to get the jacket off.

He watched his soon-to-be mate – _soon-to-be officially fucked and everything!_ – with half-lidded eyes and a lazy grin. He _had_ him. Finally fucking _had_ him. He inhaled deeply of the sweet scent, feeling his dick harden and palmed it through his pants with a suggestive leer. Rick immediately dropped his gaze to the floor and shifted his weight, breath quickening. Another scent reached him – _fear._ Sharper than nervousness but not as sharp as panic.

He used to find it sexy as fuck. Now it set his teeth on edge.

_Protect._

Fuck that. He pushed back the impulse to protect and comfort. _Fucking ridiculous._ Protect from what?

”Need some help with that?” he asked, more sharply than he intended. Rick looked up, for a fleeting moment with a helpless look that made him want to reach over and pull him right into his arms. Then it was as if a shadow had fallen behind his eyes, and he dropped his haunted gaze to the floor.

Everything in him rebelled at that. It took a moment for him to realize what he wanted; he wanted Rick to fucking _turn to him_. For comfort and support and all that shit. Unable to look further into that feeling, he grimaced and removed his white t-shirt.

”Look, I’m gonna hit the shower. You take off your clothes at your own fucking pace and join me.”

It wasn’t a suggestion and Rick fucking well knew it. On the way to the showers he shed his boots and grey pants too, kicking them into a corner of the room. Next went his boxers and he could _feel_ Rick’s eyes on him.

He turned the water on and stepped in under the warm spray, letting it wash over his tense muscles. A couple of minutes went by when he simply rubbed his face, slowly relaxing… apart from a certain part of him. His dick was like fucking steel. He stroked it, imagining how it would feel to finally pushing into Rick’s tight ass.

A soft inhale from the door made him turn around, still with his dick in his hand. Rick was standing in the doorway, towel around his waist. He looked about ready to bolt.

”Wh- um- why don’t I just shower after you?” Rick said, starting to turn before he had finished the sentence.

” _Don’t_ be silly, Rick. Come on in!” he said, his emphasis on the first word stopping Rick in his tracks. When the shorter man entered with obvious reluctance, he took a step back to allow him some room in the otherwise cramped space.

 

* * *

 

Rick didn’t know how he would be able to follow through with it, not with any kind of dignity intact. It took all his courage to enter the shower with a straight face. He had never been so nervous, not even at his first day out of the academy. This was on a whole different level, his legs wanted to fold underneath him, he had to push back a childish impulse to curl up on the tiled floor and pull his knees up in front of his face.

And for Negan to stand there, naked and apparently a hundred percent comfortable with it, was almost more than he could handle.

Rick’s eyes darted from one neutral spot to the next, but kept gravitating to different parts of Negan’s body. Details registered and each of them came with different impulses.

Dark hair covered the lean, sinewy chest, all the way down to the happy trail. The impulse to rub his face against it was strong but he swallowed hard and looked away.

Tattoos. On both arms and on his chest. Rick’s gaze was fleeting but he wanted to study them in detail.

Scars. Scars everywhere. He knew he had a fair few of those himself, courtesy of both pre-and post-apocalyptic accidents. It was easier to focus on Negan’s, because he could look with the eyes of a police officer. The scars told him that most of Negan’s injuries had been from blades. A couple on his arms where he most likely had defended himself from an attack. One long stretching over his left shoulder down his back. Perhaps an assassination gone wrong…

”Like what you see?”

Negan’s teasing voice shattered his bubble and vaporized his temporary calm. He blinked several times when Negan picked up a bottle of shower cream and squirted some in the palm of his hand, then rubbed his hands together briskly.

”What are you doing?” he asked when Negan reached for him. Negan eyebrows shot up.

”Gonna wash you”, he said sweetly. ”’Cause it’s the _husbandly_ thing to do.”

Rick stared at him, but didn’t resist or move away when the strong, calloused hands settled on his chest, rubbing the shower cream into his skin in slow, deliberate circles.

”Jeeesus… fuck, you’re tense”, Negan muttered, still wearing that lazy grin.

Rick wasn’t surprised. He felt like he was trembling with nervous energy, about ready to fight or bolt at any moment. Both would be really bad, he knew, and tried to will himself to relax.

_Think of the others. Think of Daryl._

He had to make this work. He _had_ to.

”Turn around.”

Time seemed to slow down and he took a couple of deep breaths, turning to place his hands on the cold tiles. _This is it._ He closed his eyes, trying to find any mental purchase, any anchor at all to hold unto.

The hands were back, this time on his shoulders, thumbs firmly working the tense muscles. Despite himself he closed his eyes, huffing in relief.

”Where did you get that scar from?”

The question caught him off guard. Which one of them?

”The one on your chest”, Negan clarified when he hesitated.

”I got shot”, he replied, not feeling like elaborating. Of course, Negan wouldn’t let it go that easily.

”Well damn”, Negan said softly, fingers tracing the spiderweb scar tissue, before slowly going back to a place on his back long forgotten. Rick’s breath hitched. The scar tissue was still sensitive. ”Is this the entrance wound?” he asked, tracing the place the bullet had entered.

He nodded. It had done much more damage on the way out the front, but it still sent shivers down his back. For some reason it made him think of Shane’s face, contorted in panic as he had the odd sensation of falling down a very deep well…

”Is he dead?”

”Who?” His mind was still on Shane. _Yes, he’s dead._ So many emotions about that fact. Grief, regret, anger.

”The guy who shot you”, Negan said with unusual patience.

”Yeah. Yeah, he’s dead,” he replied. He had heard the shots, the man’s body hitting the ground. Of course, when he awoke from his coma, nobody was left alive to confirm it…

”Good.” The hands resumed their exploration of his body. Smooth and unhurried. ”Looks old”, Negan mused after a minute. ”Gotta be pre-end-of-the-world-shit, right? You spent some time in the hospital for it?”

Rick nodded, beginning to relax into the touch. The hands moved up and down his back in slow, soothing movements, pausing to dig firm fingers into his neck and shoulder muscles. He dipped his head, resting his face against the tiles. The water stream helped, pounding a steady stream of hot water on them. An incredible luxury he doubted that a lot of people had in the factory building.

”Coma”, he said at last. ”Slept through the whole ending.”

Negan was quiet and his hands had stilled.

”Shouldn’t have woken up alive…” Rick mumbled, then pressed his lips together, feeling he had confessed too much already. He didn’t want Negan of all people to know about the disconnect from reality he had experienced since waking up from his coma. Part of his defense, his own private anchor was just that, that whenever he was alone he would get the feeling that none of it had really happened, that he was still in a coma and was just having a drawn-out nightmare. Soon he would wake up and Lori would be there with Carl. Shane would saunter in and crack a joke. And everything that had happened would fade away like a bad dream.

The comforting illusion shattered when he was turned around and pressed against the wall. The hands grabbed his face, cupping it, holding him in place as Negan kissed him.

When he opened his mouth in surprise the kiss deepened until he felt like was being devoured. This kiss was different than the one before. _Hungrier_. He instinctively relaxed into it, tentatively meeting the exploring tongue with his own. Negan groaned and pressed closer.

Sensory overload. Skin against skin. And further down… when their dicks bumped into each other – _when had he gotten hard?_ – he jerked, trying to move away. Caught between Negan and the wall, the small movement became a thrust, rubbing their dicks together. Negan made a sound deep in his throat, tense lips pulling back to bare his teeth briefly against Rick’s mouth. Without thinking, Rick moved his mouth over the bared teeth, his soft lips nipping gently at tense ones. Almost instantly, Negan’s mouth softened and they kissed again, slowly and leisurely, until Negan broke the kiss to look at him. Up close, Rick realized that those dark eyes that he had initially believed to be dark brown, bordering on black, were hazel. The light in the bathroom picked up a good deal of green.

”Time to take it to the bedroom, Rick”, Negan said, stroking his thumb over his bottom lip before letting go of his face and taking a step back.

He had to straighten up not to simply slide down the wall. As the warmth of Negan’s body disappeared, cold reality seeped in to take its place. He swallowed hard and looked up into the smiling face, alight in hunger and cruel mischief, and he wondered how he ever had compared the man to a wolf. A wolf would never be cruel or sadistic. Negan was more like a cat, a smiling Cheshire cat that delighted in tormenting his victims.

But he nodded, accepting the towel when Negan offered it and quickly dried himself off. Trying not to look as Negan did the same.

As they stepped back into the bedroom and he caught sight of the big bed, and stopped. Hesitated, glancing up at Negan and trying to figure out what to do. The Cheshire grin widened and Negan leaned down to whisper, low and intimate, into his ear.

”Why don’t you get on the bed. On your belly.”

_Just get it over with. Just do what he says, it will be over quicker._

Shaking again, he crawled into bed, standing on all fours for a moment before sinking down unto his belly.

”Wait”, Negan interrupted him midway down and held up a couple of pillows. ”Let’s just get these in there… raise your ass up a bit”, he said, shoving the pillows underneath Rick’s lower belly so that when he was flat on his stomach, his ass was still in the air. ”There. Perfect. Fuck, you’re beautiful.”

Terrified and humiliated, Rick rested his forehead on his arm, squeezing his eyes shut.

”Just do it”, he muttered, fighting to keep his voice steady.

”So fucking _eager._ ” A heavy hand landed on his ass, palming it roughly. ”You and me, Rick… we’re gonna have so much _fucking fun._ ”

A few tears leaked out from behind his eyelids, wetting his arm. Terrified as he was, there was a small part of him that shivered in anticipation more than fear. The part that kissed Negan back and made him show his throat in submission. Should he listen to it now? To get him through this? Confusion muddled his mind and the anxiety mounted until he let out an uncharacteristic whimper of distress. Horrified, he bit down on his tongue until he could taste metal.

Immediately following the whimper, Negan’s hands stilled and he leaned in close to his neck, inhaling deeply, _sniffing_ him.

”Shit… look, you gotta calm the fuck down.” He felt the weight of a hand on the back of his neck, and it was oddly comforting. ”Not gonna hurt you, baby.”

_’Baby’?_ To Rick’s ears, he sounded almost tender. Some part of him soaked up the comfort, wanted more.

The the hand on his neck disappeared and they were both on his ass, spreading his cheeks apart. Utterly exposed, he instinctively tried to move forward, away from whatever was behind him. The hands moved, grabbing his hips in an iron grip that held him firmly in place.

”Fucking _stay”,_ Negan hissed, not releasing his grip until Rick had stopped struggling. Then he felt his cheeks being parted again, felt the air against his exposed asshole and he tensed. He felt a hot breath against the tender skin as Negan huffed a laugh.

”Fuck, I can _see_ your hole getting tighter. Holy shit, that’s hot.” Negan’s voice was low and hoarse. The intensity made him shift nervously, tensing when he felt teeth against his ass. ”Hold. Still.”

He tried to relax, he really tried. When he felt something warm and wet against his tightly clenched asshole his mouth dropped open in shock.

_He’s… licking me…_

The shock of it combined with the unexpected pleasure made him dizzy. Before he could stop himself, he let out a broken moan. Negan groaned in response, licking harder, from long licks across it to teasing the opening, using his hands to keep the round cheeks parted.

The room was filled with wet, messy sounds, combined with Negan’s harsh groans and muttered obscenities, and broken whimpers and moans punctuated by the occasional random stutters.

_Is that me?_

His dick was angled slightly down because of the pillows, perfectly on display for Negan between his spread legs.

_Oh god, please touch me please please_

No! No, he wouldn’t beg, he couldn’t. Suddenly the mouth was gone and he heard a dark chuckle.

”Your making a _mess_ on my pillows, Rick…” One of the hands let go of his ass and grasped his dick, giving it a firm squeeze that forced a helpless moan from his lips. A tongue flicked the sensitive head and he yelled, unable to help himself. ” _Damn_ , you taste good.” Negan sounded delighted and slightly feverish in his intensity. ”I need you to do something for me, Rick…” he continued, jerking him off slowly. ”I need you to reach back with both hands and spread your ass for me. Really hold yourself open.”

Slack-jawed and out of his mind with lust, he obeyed. Immediately, the mouth was back, tongue probing his hole. Another broken scream was torn from him when the tongue pushed harder… and slipped inside.

”Shit..! I- g-gonna-!” he managed to stutter before the orgasm hit him like a tidal wave and he squirmed and wailed as Negan jerked him off mercilessly, tongue-fucking his spasming hole until he bonelessly collapsed against the pillows. He vaguely felt the mattress shift as Negan moved right behind him, grinding the head of his dick against his hole. Releasing a harsh groan, he came.

The warm fluid against his sensitive area felt so damn horrible and _right_ that he couldn’t help but push back against the hard dick. Just a small movement but when his brain caught up with him, he finally let go and hid his face in his arms, breathing heavily.

_What have I done?_

”Oh, _Rick_ … now that I know how much you love having your asshole played with…” Breathless, delighted. Intensity bordering on madness. ”Oh… we’re just _getting started_.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> *peeks out from under a big pile of smut and glitter* 
> 
> Alrighty, I hope you enjoyed! Thank you so much for commenting on previous chapters and please please pretty please keep telling me what you think. It's really helpful and inspiring! <3


	5. 28 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut, a very large helping of smut, a bunch of smutty side dishes and some ice-cold smut for dessert. 
> 
> (I hope you didn't come for the plot)

Negan sat back on his haunches, breathing heavily. His dick was still hard and heavy in his hand, despite him coming harder than he could remember just moments ago. He looked down at Rick, sprawled on his stomach in front of him. Would be so fucking easy to mount him right now, he’d be all soft and receptive after the tongue-fucking.

He found himself staring at the gorgeous, fuckable ass in front of him. Since Rick was no longer holding himself open for him, he couldn’t see the sweet hole anymore. Instead Rick had his face buried in his arms.

He crept over him, moving up the length of his body until he could lay down next to him, propped up on one elbow.

”Ready for round two?” he asked, placing his other hand on the back of Rick’s neck, fingers playing lightly with a few stray curls. He could feel a shiver running through the man’s body. Rick lifted his face and looked at him. He had this _lost_ expression, like he had been fucking dropped in the middle of nowhere with no memories or something. No tears that he could see, but the eyes were red-rimmed and wide. His breath was quick and shallow, and the smell of fear still lingered. But he nodded, giving Negan a wary look.

”Hey. C’mere.” Negan turned on his back and pulled Rick closer so that the other’s head was resting on his chest. ”You just fucking let me know if it’s too much for you, shit I don’t know, _overwhelming_.”

Rick said nothing, but relaxed slightly against him.

”Same goes for when I’m fucking you. Just fucking talk to me. You have to tell me if it fucking hurts, I’m not a mind-reader and I can’t fucking tell by the sounds you’re making, ’cause when you come you sound like I’m fucking _murdering_ you.”

Puff of air against his skin. Was that a chuckle? Probably imagined it.

Rick nodded again but he wanted a verbal confirmation.

”Yeah? We good on the house rules?”

”Yeah. Yeah, ok.” A pause, then: ”Why do you care if it hurts?”

The question was so quiet and soft he could barely hear it. He supposed it was a fair question, but he still didn’t like it. He liked them willing, and the idea of Rick just gritting his teeth and _enduring_ while taking one for his team, well that idea really pissed him off.

”I don’t”, he replied, just a tad too cold. ”But it’s easier if you like it, since this shit’s _permanent_. Can’t have you hiding under the bed every time I get a hard-on.” He paused, letting that sink in. ”Just to be crystal-fucking-clear… you do _not_ pretend that you like it if you don’t. And Rick –look at me-”

Rick looked up with obvious reluctance. There was that vulnerable look in his eyes, as if Negan had left him raw and bleeding.

Locking eyes with him, he set his mouth in a grim line.

”You do _not_ get to pretend that you _don’t_ like it if you do. No fucking holding back, or convincing yourself that I forced you, or some other ridiculous shit. Got that?”

Rick dropped his gaze, nodding quickly but didn’t relax back down. He looked as if he was about to say something, then seemed to think better of it and put his head back down.

He let his fingers slide into the dark locks, still wet from the shower, and massaged his scalp.

”Maybe I won’t know”, Rick confessed in his hoarse voice. ”Whether I like it or not. Maybe I don’t know what I like.”

The softly spoken words tugged at something in his chest, something that he sure as hell didn’t want to explore.

”As long as you’re being honest…”, he said after a moment of silence. ”That’s fine.”

The silence that followed was less tense. Then he licked his lips, glancing down at the head on his chest with a wide grin.

”Gotta say, you’ve been pretty damn honest so far. Never would have pegged you for the type to like assplay, but-” He stopped to chuckle when Rick raised his head and glared at him. ”Oh, and here’s the fucking Grimes Glare right on cue. Better watch out.”

He continued to laugh quietly, his broad grin inviting Rick to take a swing at him. Rick didn’t, just shifted so that he wasn’t leaning against Negan, while his eyes continued to spit blue fire.

”Did you know your kids have the exact same fucking glare as you?” he said, pressing, goading for a sore spot. He had created so many. Just had to pick and choose. ”When I was making myself comfortable at your place-”

He got no further before Rick had pounced on him again, kissing him roughly. His smile didn’t waver, not even when he had the omega’s tongue demanding entrance. If Rick thought that he had found an effective way of shutting him up, he didn’t mind it.

The kiss continued, deepened, with Negan letting Rick take the lead for a minute before he rolled them over so that Rick was trapped beneath him. He made an approving sound when Rick spread his legs to fit him between them, then grinned when he felt them close around his own in a jerking way, as if he realized what he was doing and changed his mind.

Rick’s scent became stronger, the siren call a roar of blood in his ears. He nudged his head to the side and licked the bared throat, stopping to suck and bite until the soft skin was bruised and marked.

 

* * *

 

Rick tried not to think about what was happening and only follow his instincts. They told him to follow Negan’s lead, just relax and trust him. Yet it didn’t quite work like that. Instead he found himself wrestling with conflicting impulses.

One second he wanted to spread his legs, hike them up and rock his hips in silent invitation… the next second trickled ice cold clarity through his heated thoughts and he remembered who covered him, whose weight was pressing him into the mattress. Who almost forced him to mutilate Carl. Who murdered Glenn and Abraham mercilessly and gutted Spencer out of impulse.

_Negan._

_Enemy._

The emotional pendulum swung back and forth, between arousal and fear, hot and cold.

He tried to focus on the bond, and the good things it would mean for his group. But even his newly triggered omega instincts seemed to be in two minds about the bond. On one hand he felt an undeniable urge to submit, to bend and let himself be claimed and bred. On the other he felt a very strong need to just run, to put as much distance between his own pack and Negan as possible.

Two fingers pressed past his lips and he gagged in surprise.

”Tsk tsk tsk… relax…” Negan murmured, keeping his fingers still inside his mouth. Rick’s lips instinctively closed around the invading digits and he slowly explored them with his tongue. Sucking gently. ” _Fuck,_ Rick.”

Negan slid his fingers out of his mouth, then let Rick suck them back in. All the while just _looking_ at him, eyes half-lidded and intense, in a way that sent shivers over his skin.

With a soft ’pop’, the fingers left his mouth. A string of saliva connected them to his lips for a moment, then they disappeared behind him. When they touched his ass he finally realized Negan’s intent and it took all his self-control to keep still.

”Hey hey… Rick. Look at me.”

The wet fingers slid between his ass cheeks and grazed the tight ring of muscle, and he shuddered without looking up.

”What’s the matter, Rick? Are you shy? Didn’t seem so shy before with my tongue up your ass.”

There was no real edge to the words, no heat behind them. The fingers continued their lazy exploration without pushing inside like he had expected so he let out a shaky breath and finally looked up. Negan’s face was so close he could feel his warm breath against his lips.

”That’s right, keep looking at me.”

He tried, he really did. The hunger in those hazel eyes sent little cold spikes of fear and anxiety through his lust-addled mind.

A finger pushed in without warning, right in to the second knuckle and his eyes widened, lips parting on a sharp breath.

Negan’s heated gaze sharpened. The relaxed expression was gone, the lazy grin faded to just a hint of a sneer.

”Take it.”

His breath uneven, he tried to obey, tried to will himself to relax. But the slight burn and promise of more pain made him clench involontarily.

”Come on, take it. _Do it._ ”

Another finger and he released a dry sob when it pushed its way in to join the first one. Looking into Negan’s eyes was no comforting anchor, nothing for him to hold unto. It felt more like a spotlight shining on him in his absolute weakest moment. A captive audience to his final humiliation.

”Hurts..!” he confessed quietly, vision blurring. The fingers immediately stopped twisting but stayed in. Soft lips moved against his in a kiss that he would call tender from anyone else.

”So fucking tight. Gotta prepare you”, Negan murmured. ”You haven’t been fucked before, am I right?” There was no mocking edge to the words, just a gentle inquiry.

”No”, he replied, swallowing down another wave of fear. The fingers in his ass didn’t seem big – they felt _huge_. And that wasn’t even close to the thick organ pressing against his thigh. The idea that Negan tried to _stretch him out_ was terrifying.

Another part of him found it hot as hell. The burn slowly faded and what was left was a feeling of being filled, and a slippery friction that sent tendrils of heat to his dick. He clenched experimentally and the fingers shifted. A new wave of pain, more uncomfortable than burning.

”So fucking tight you’re gonna break my fingers”, Negan whispered into his ear when he let his head drop to Negan’s shoulder, resting his forehead against the heated skin. To his relief Negan didn’t insist on more eye contact, seemingly content to gently fingering his hole.

Negan shifted and a moment later he heard the crack-flip sound of a bottle opening. Then something cold and slippery dribbled down his back and the fingers slid in and out easier. Then he pushed the bottle of lube into Rick’s hands.

”Why don’t you go ahead and lube my dick up.”

There was no question mark in the request so he sucked in his bottom lip and, chewing on it, squirted some lube in his trembling hands.

A few seconds later he had worked up the courage to take another man’s dick in his hand for the first time in his life. He had avoided looking before, but _feeling_ it… to his horror his mouth watered.

_Oh god no…I want to… oh…_

He buried his face in the crook of Negan’s neck, eyes squeezed shut as he drew in lungfuls of his scent. It made him lightheaded, made sense of the insanity.

Negan groaned, thrusting into his fist.

”Shit Rick… it’s a dick, not a fucking kitten. Move your hand _harder._ ”

As if making a point, Negan’s fingers moved more roughly, stabbing into him deeper until…

”Ahh-!”

”Liked that, did you?” Negan sounded dark, almost menacing. ”I think you’re ready.”

Without warning he was maneuvered fully unto his back and Negan sat up between his legs, lifting them and folding them down on either side of his chest. Completely open and vulnerable, Rick stared up at him, searching his face for… anything. Any hint of compassion, anything for him to hold onto.

Negan’s hard expression softened and he gave him a grin that would have been playful, except…

_Except I can’t trust him._

It _was_ playful and mischievous, but it’s all about perspective. And right now he felt like he had the perspective of a cornered mouse and a cat _playfully_ raised his paw over him.

”Earth to Rick.” A calloused hand wrapped around his dick and he was rudely jolted out of his thoughts. ”You gonna want to pay attention to this”, Negan warned and took his own dick in hand, rubbing it back and forth over the tight ring of muscle. Pausing now and then to push.

_Shit it’s too big_

Panicky thoughts, scattering in all direction as the pushing became more insistent. He desperately tried to relax but ended up spasming against the intrusion. Negan lips parted on a deep groan.

” _Fuck_ … Rick, you fucking _tease._ You have any idea how fucking _hot_ it is to feel your asshole tighten up like that?”

His own dick twitched at the words, pre-come beading at the tip. His asshole was so sensitive after all the teasing, almost sore, that having that steady pressure was comforting and threatening to an equal degree.

”Oooh… there we go, Rick”, Negan grounded out through clenched teeth and he could feel it sinking into him an inch, breaching the rim. ”There. We. _Go._ ” Another inch, then he paused. Leaned down and placed his hand flat against Rick’s chest, pinning him in place as he slid in another inch.

Rick averted his gaze, staring up into the ceiling. The hand holding his dick suddenly disappeared and the next thing he knew, his face was held in an iron grip.

”Uh- _uh_ , Rick. Can’t run from this. Come back here, baby. We’re not even fucking _close_ to done.”

Rick swallowed convulsively and dragged his gaze back to Negan’s, staring up into the sneering face. Another inch slid inside and the sneer dissolved into smug bliss.

_Fuck that hurts_

He tried to focus on breathing, on the arousal eating its way through his resolve. Oh, he wanted to give in, to submit. He just didn’t know how.

”Touch yourself. That’s it, both hands…” Negan ordered and Rick immediately obeyed, hating the broken moans that were already spilling from his lips.

”Now… push for me.”

He didn’t understand at first, looking up in confusion. The grip on his face unnerved him, but he didn’t know why.

”P-push? I don’t-I…”

”Not even halfway in yet, baby. You look like you’re about to fucking faint. It’s easier if you push.”

He nodded, eager to obey now. Experimentally, he pushed and to his relief it worked. Negan rocked his hips and it took only a few more tries before he was fully sheathed in Rick’s ass.

He moaned, arching his back. The sensation of being completely and utterly _filled_ was overwhelming.

 _Claimed. Owned._ _Yes._

”So fucking _good”,_ Negan growled, gripping his leg for leverage as he began to thrust. Slowly at first, pulling out and slamming back in brutally. Every time he thrust in, Rick yelled, a sharp, painful sound that seemed ripped from him in a way that would leave him bleeding.

Negan alternated between hard, brutal strokes and gentle rocking, seeming fascinated with the kind of sounds he could draw from him. Then he changed the angle and Rick’s eyes widened at the harsh pleasure clawing at his insides. He moaned, reaching up with a shaking hand to touch Negan’s face.

”Puh- _please..!”_

Negan stared down at him, his expression hard to read. Then he ground his hips in the right angle, stabbing the right spot with shallow thrusts that unraveled him at the core.

”I’m about t-to- oh shit-” he stuttered and Negan leaned in close as he choked back a scream and convulsed beneath him.

Negan held still, allowing him to catch his breath, and for that he was grateful. A tender brush of lips. And that was all he respite he got.

Negan shifted for more leverage, then proceeded to fuck him with savage intensity. Each thrust was a starburst of pain and pleasure in his mind and he desperately tried to accept the onslaught of sensations, tried to blindly follow his omega instincts that urged him to surrender. Raw pleasure build again, reached a peak and he opened his mouth on a shaky moan-

A hand grabbed his face in another bruising grip.

” _You belong to me!”_ Negan roared, eyes wild and near black. ”Fucking _say it!”_

”B-belong to you”, he repeated immediately in breathless terror. Vision blurring, he felt something warm and wet trickle down his face.

”That’s fucking _right_! Take it, take it deep..!” Negan snarled, thrusting once more, twice, then brutally grounded his hips into Rick’s as he came with a roar.

The seed scalded his insides, hotter than it had any right to be. He felt branded inside and out, trapped, liberated and _unmade_.

He gasped for air as Negan collapsed on top of him, gathering his shaking body in his arms and licking the pillar of his throat. He stared up into the dark ceiling, the newly formed bond weaving its way through his being. The thread felt like a noose around his neck, and the warmth evaporated as his mind drowned in a chilling memory, fresh, raw and infinitely painful.

 

> _”Speak when you’re spoken to! You answer to me! You provide for me!”_
> 
> _”P-provide for you.” Hyperventilating through the nightmare. Desperate to appease._
> 
> _”You belong to me! Right?!”_
> 
> _”Right.” A broken whisper._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SMUT FOR EVERYONE! ＼（＾○＾）人（＾○＾）／
> 
> And also a bit of angst. Cause I figured... instincts or no instincts, there is no way this is happening smoothly and trauma-free. And if someone would like to wrap Rick in a blanket and get him some hot cocoa, he's over there huddling in a corner. 
> 
> Please let me know what you think, babies! <3 <3 <3


	6. 20 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bonding is complicated stuff. Raise your hand if you're surprised.

Negan gave Rick’s throat one last lick and laughed breathlessly.

” _Fuck,_ that was good”, he mumbled against the sweat-slicked skin. Rick’s pulse was still thundering just underneath the flushed surface, an accelerated ticking against his lips. He couldn’t resist giving it a nip, punctuating it with a lazy thrust of his hips. His dick was already hardening in the slick heat, tempting him…

_Fear_

Like stepping on a piece of glass, his immediate instinct was to remove it. He pushed himself up on straight arms to look at his mate.

”Rick?” he demanded, studying his face. Tense mouth, red-rimmed eyes watching him warily. Obviously it had been a shitload for him to deal with. ”Bit overwhelming?” he guessed, sitting up and carefully started to pull out. Rick clenched and hissed in pain. ”Hey, hey… just breathe and relax, gonna pull out slowly here…” he said soothingly, then moaned, slack-jawed when Rick’s ass milked his dick in helpless spasms. ” _Shit_ , easy, easy…”

He pulled out very gently and gathered his mate in his arms, pleased that the offensive scent faded. Was it just the smell, though? It had felt like an echo of the feeling, something pulsing through his mind and chest. Dismissing it, he took a few deep breaths, nuzzling Rick’s wet hair as he tightened his arms.

_Mine._

The single word filled him with satisfaction. But did anything else feel different? Not from what he could tell. The conflicted emotions regarding Rick were clearer somehow, the outlines sharper, but that’s about it.

The doctor had been nervous, he remembered. Fidgety. Had only mentioned a couple of things about the bond, so goddam quick to point out that he didn’t know anything _for certain_.

Well, they’d just have to fucking see, wouldn’t they? The main priority was controlling Alexandria, and Rick was the key to that. As soon as the Saviors showed up, the townspeople looked to Rick to keep them safe. To mediate. Putting an end to that fucker Spencer _publicly_ had been important. By the time the piece of shit had stopped breathing the horrified audience barely dared to move. Except for that fucking bitch shooting Lucille. _Fuck_ but he wanted to see her dead. Thanks to his deal with Rick, however, the bitch was untouchable.

In his arms Rick squirmed and he loosened his grip. Rick stood up unsteadily and made his way around the bed towards the bathroom.

”Just gonna have a shower”, he mumbled.

He watched the retreating back, amazed that his dick was still hardening after two loads. He stroked it with long, lazy tugs until it was rock-hard and throbbing again.

 

* * *

 

Rick rested his forehead against the tiles, mentally struggling to find his footing. The panic and chaos had dissipated, leaving a jumbled mess of thoughts and sensations that he needed to analyze later, in the privacy of his own home. The omega instincts that to his knowledge had remained dormant for most of his life had flared to life when he met Negan. Was it the proximity to an alpha, or something more? Either way, the instincts seemed to work against his self preservation, or even common sense. He had absolutely no reason to trust Negan, and certainly not to find any kind of comfort in his arms.

And now he was bonded.

He shuddered, holding the memory of the act at arms length. Or trying to. He suspected Negan had tried to hold back in the beginning. Gentle or brutal, his body had responded to it as if it was a damn aphrodisiac. It was the thing at the end that had shut him down, that had just torn right through the fevered fantasy.

With a shaking hand, he reached back to touch his sore ass, carefully prodding and wincing at the flaring pain. To his shame, the memory of it, even the painful reminder, was enough for him to grow hard again.

_Shit._

He removed his hand quickly, focusing instead on the hot water massaging the tension out of his muscles.

_Have to make this work._

If he managed it, and he _had_ to, then it not only meant all the benefits he had negotiated earlier this evening, but also perhaps a better position to future discussions. In time he might even be able to influence Negan in other areas.

_Optimistic, Grimes? Really?_

Despite everything, he managed a weary grin at himself.

The sound of the water masked any sounds from outside the bathroom so he got only a fraction of a second’s warning before Negan stepped into view. Rick said nothing, only wiped the water from his face. He could walk out of there, he knew. Just exit the room. Negan would probably not stop him.

Unable to help himself, he glanced down Negan’s naked body and noticed that the alpha was hard again.

_Probably not stop me…_

Although, he reasoned as Negan walked closer with slow, predatory strides, if he started running now he might never stop. He had a feeling avoiding Negan now would be a very bad way to start the bond.

So he stood his ground, not backing an inch or dropping his gaze. Half-lidded eyes darkened with interest, as they always did when Rick pushed back or resisted. Or simply didn’t retreat, like now. White teeth flashed in a broad smile as Negan leaned in so close that Rick could feel their hot breaths mingling.

”I think we got the same idea.” Heated gaze glanced pointedly to Rick’s erection. ”Missed you too.”

The deep voice seemed to slide right into his the core of his being, sending shivers over his wet skin. Instinctively his ass tensed up and sent a fresh wave of pain and pleasure through him.

Meanwhile Negan circled him, close, so very close, until he ended up with his chest brushing against Rick’s back and hard length pressed against his ass. Rough chest hair tickled his back and suddenly there was a mouth on his neck. Lips parted and teeth bit down gently, as if holding him in place.

His breath grew shallow, a tiny drop of pre-cum sliding down the length of his dick. As much as he feared the pain and somehow just _knew_ that it would be too much too soon, part of him wanted to push back, grind his ass against Negan’s dick.

A tattooed arm snaked around his waist, keeping him in place. He grasped it, holding on to it like a lifeline. Closing his eyes briefly, he didn’t see the other hand moving towards his face. When it closed around his jaw, fingers digging into his cheeks, he wrenched his face away so violently it almost made them both lose their balance.

Anxiety thrummed through his veins like a cold poison.

Negan turned him, giving him a measured look through narrowed eyes. Waiting, Rick realized.

”Don’t grab my face”, he said at last. ”I don’t like it.”

A moment of silence, then a slow smile.

”Sure thing, Rick. You got it.”

He watched Negan warily, skeptical of the easy capitulation. Why? But Negan looked as relaxed as ever. Seeing no hook beneath the worm, he finally nodded. Apparently taking it as an invitation, Negan dipped his head and nuzzled his face. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to enjoy the comforting gesture. It slowly turned into a lazy kiss and Rick let it happen, parting his lips for the seeking tongue. When Negan maneuvered him out of the water spray, turning it off in the process, he finally opened his eyes in time to see Negan dry himself off while offering him another towel.

A couple of minutes later they climbed back into bed.

He was exhausted. It had to be well into the night by now and he felt utterly drained. Negan was on his back with one arm behind his head, watching him. When their eyes met he held out his other hand and Rick wordlessly accepted the invitation and curled up against him. It felt less than dignified but he was too tired to care. At the moment there was no fight left in him, no anger or fear or anxiety. The emptiness was soothing in a way, but in his hollow chest the bond curled like a sleeping viper.

 

* * *

 

_Cold metal against the side of his head._

_Rage. Rage and pure, undiluted desperation._

_A few feet away Carl whimpered as a man tore at his clothes, laughing at his fruitless struggles._

_Bile rose in his throat, sanity thinning out like night-old ice over water, cracks spider-webbing across it with each cry from his child._

_”Let him go.”_

_It wasn’t a prayer. It was a warning._

_Distant mocking laughter was the last thing he heard before sucking in air through his teeth in a hiss and flinging his head back. It connected with a sharp crack and the gun went off next to his ear._

_Ringing. Ringing._

_Get up. Get up!_

_He turned, letting his fist fly but it connected weakly and the stocky man clocked him in the face. He stumbled back, falling._

_”I got him.”_

_Sharp pain burst through his stomach as a boot slammed into it._

_Carl screamed._

_More hits._

_”Come on, let’s see what you got!”_

_As he struggled to his feet, his focus was on Carl, not the man attacking him._

_”You leave him be!” he roared when Carl was turned on his stomach, wailing in fear. The biker fighting him caught him easily, trapping his arms to his sides._

_”The hell you gonna do now, sport?” Mocking grin._

_His sanity shattered. Everything that was Rick Grimes crumbled, burned away as instinct rose like a blue flame, searing away all apart from the overwhelming need to protect._

_At all cost._

_He dove forward, sinking his teeth into the soft flesh of the biker’s throat. Blood burst forth like a warm fountain, cascading into his mouth._

_Down his chin._

_He watched the screaming biker sink to his knees and spat out a spray of blood and torn pieces of muscle._

_Everything went quiet, quiet as death. All eyes on him._

_Not done. Not yet._

_The piece of shit straddling Carl needed to die._

_Vaguely aware that his pack rallied, he took the knife from the fallen biker and approach the one holding Carl._

_”He’s mine.”_

_He meant Carl. His child, his everything._

_MINE._

_Never once did he take his eyes off his prey. The biker reeked of fear, his wide eyes glowing with it, so terrified that he didn’t even noticed that Carl squirmed away from his loose grip. When the man held up his hands in surrender, he attacked. The blade sunk into the soft belly easily._

_The prey screamed, gurgled. He had to grab his throat to hold him up so that he could watch the life drain from his eyes as he stabbed him again. And again. And again._

_Again._

_Again._

_Again._

Negan jolted awake, tense muscles catapulting him upright in the bed. Primal blood-thirst still clawed at him, adrenaline pumping through his system like a drug.

Just a dream.

Fighting to get his breathing under control, he leaned back against the headboard, glancing down at the sleeping form next to him. Rick was still asleep, thank fuck.

He run a hand over his mouth, rubbing the light stubble.

_The fuck kind of fucked up dream was that?_

It had felt so real. He wanted to punch somebody, no, grab Lucille and fucking _erase anyone who threatened his goddamn kids-_

Kids? He shook his head, as if his thoughts could be un-jumbled that way.

_Carl ain’t my kid._

The thought knocked loose a fresh surge of protective rage and he _needed_ to kill somebody for it. Unfortunately the piece of shit was already dead…

_Hold up, it was just a dream. Just a fucking dream._

It had to be some kind of bullshit bond thing. Nothing to worry about. Slightly calmed by that, he bent down to inhale a lungful of Rick’s scent. It cleared his head and made his mind settle down almost instantly.

_Everything’s fine._

A salty tang in the air made him frown and lean down closer. It was hard to tell in the dark. Tears? Rick shifted in his sleep, letting out a shaky breath and shivered.

_Is he dreaming too?_

He settled down behind Rick once again. Curled around him protectively, wide awake and silently keeping watch.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... less smut but a lot of post-smut stuff, thoughts and more importantly - the bond is starting to fuck with them. Bwahahaha! ( ಠ◡ಠ )
> 
> Dun-dun-dunnnn! Please let me know what you think, babies! I love to hear your thoughts and theories! <3


	7. NOT A CHAPTER JUST A QUESTION

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A question for everyone following this story - it's about Negan's background.

I'm working on the next chapter and I realized that I'm into spoiler territory for the comics. Basically, I know some stuff about Negan's background but I have certainly not read all of it and I was going to use those facts/improvisations randomly in the upcoming chapters. 

I want to use as much as I can, but I don't want to ruin anything for anyone, so if this is a dealbreaker for a lot of people I am happy to make something up that has (as far as I know) nothing to do with Negan's real backstory. 

Please, please let me know in the comments what you prefer - I will take every one of them into account before posting the next chapter.

LOTS OF LOVE, BABIES! THANK YOU! <3


	8. 20 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick's and Negan's first morning together as bondmates. The bond continues to fuck with them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Just a quick note on spoilers: first of all, thank you so much for commenting on that post and give me your personal opinions about it. The vast majority of you are okay with spoilers about Negan's backstory - indeed, many fics use those facts freely already - and I will opt for a mix of canon details and stuff I totally made up myself. 
> 
> However! Since we only have to wait a few weeks before the series continues, and I hope that they will reveal some of his background soon, I have decided to hold out with those details for as long as I can. There is plenty of made up stuff in my brain to take from in the meantime. 
> 
> That being said, if they drag it out, I'll just go ahead and use it. With spoiler note, of course! <3

He didn’t sleep more that night, just stared into the darkness of the room while keeping track of every involuntary flinch Rick made in his sleep, every uneven breath.

Finally it was getting lighter outside and the furniture became more than outlines in the dark. The horns of the antelope head turned into sharp silhouettes against the window. Beside him the omega moved, stretched and blinked awake.

He had expected the same wary gaze as the night before, but Rick’s eyes, once the drowsiness disappeared completely, were calm and steady. Thoughtful.

He found himself wondering what Rick was thinking. What he had been dreaming. Not that he wanted to discuss his own fucked up dream. No, that shit would stay buried.

”Wakey wakey”, he rasped in a sing-song voice that sounded odd with his morning voice. ”Time to get to work.” He grinned, placing one hand lightly on Rick’s hip. ”Unless you have something else in mind…”

”No,” Rick replied, but Negan couldn’t help but notice the moment of hesitation. ”I have to get back home.”

_Right, the kids._

Out of nowhere there was an echo of a young boy’s whimper, choked back and full of panic and desperation. He dug his fingers into Rick’s hip before he realized that it wasn’t real, that Rick hadn’t heard it.

_What the fuck. What the actual fuck._

”What’s going on?” Rick sat up, watching him intently and he let go as if his fucking hip was on fire.

”Nothing”, he snapped, getting out of bed and reaching for his pants. ”Get up. Come on, you wanted to go home. Get your ass out of bed.”

He instantly regretted it when Rick scrambled out of the sheets and got to his feet, grabbing his clothes and putting them on like it was a fucking fire drill. That wasn’t how he had meant their first morning to go, damnit. Those hours he had spent awake, he had wondered if he could get Rick to give him a blowjob when he woke up. He had even been prepared to suck his dick first – the thought alone made him hard and he had some problems doing his pants up.

Rick was already done and was waiting for him. Watching the room in full daylight. Some part of him _wanted_ him to look, felt pride in it.

Feeling more in control, he huffed a laugh and stepped closer, close enough for them to feel each others breaths. He was fucking _delighted_ that Rick didn’t move away.

”Look, I’m sorry for being such a dick in the morning”, he murmured, giving Rick a slow smile. Was it his imagination, or was there a tug at the corner of Rick’s mouth?

The omega’s gaze dropped to the floor briefly and he shifted his weight, clearly surprised at his words.

”Whaddya say I make it up to you? Some bacon and eggs for breakfast?” All that got him was the same wary fucking gaze, so he decided to sweeten the deal. ”Daryl can join us if you want. Would you like that?”

The blue eyes snapped right back at his, seeming to gauge his sincerity.

”Yeah, that’d be nice. I’d like that”, Rick said quickly, then swallowed hard and added: ”Thank you.”

He smiled broadly at that, faintly disturbed at how _good_ it felt to make Rick happy. Gave him an honest-to-fuck _flutter_ in his stomach.

_Jesus fucking Christ…_

He closed the distance between their lips slowly, giving Rick plenty of time to move away. Of course he didn’t, but Negan was amused to see his eyes still darting nervously to anything but his eyes. When their lips finally met, a shiver went through the smaller man and he closed his eyes, swaying forward just slightly so that their chests touched. Negan steadied him with an arm around his waist, enjoying the lips that softened against his.

He kept the kiss slow and gentle, pleased that when he finally pulled away, Rick leaned into it as if reluctant to break contact. Of course, a second later Rick seemed to catch himself and on cue his fucking walls slammed right back down.

He snorted and went to the radio, ordering breakfast for them. He fucking _felt_ Rick’s eyes on him as he was about to hang up, and smiled and turned around. Let him wait for just a moment longer while keeping eye contact, grinning when Rick’s eyes narrowed.

”Oh, and get Daryl. Yeah. Let him take a shower. And get him a set of clothes. Then send him here.”

He ended it and dropped the receiver on the table.

”You’re such an asshole”, Rick muttered, and for the life of him he couldn’t help his grin from widening. He sauntered closer, pleased to see no real fear in the other man’s eyes.

”Oh _Rick._ Words can hurt like a fist”, he chuckled. ”And here I am, bending over backwards to show you what a fucking _fantastic_ mate I am. Just for you.”

Rick shook his head, but he could spot his fucking Mona Lisa smile tugging at his lips. He debated telling him exactly what he looked like this morning, since he was about to have a reunion with his bestest buddy and all, but decided against it. Seeing Daryl’s expression when he spotted all those bruises and love bites on Rick’s neck would be absolutely priceless.

_Guess I AM an asshole._

”So, do you want to tell him about the bond, or should I?”

Rick’s face paled, then flushed a deep red. Clearly it hadn’t occurred to him that he had to explain the situation to Daryl so soon. He rubbed his hand over his mouth.

”I… I’ll do it. Don’t say anything. Please.” He added the last word, as if it was an ’Amen’, like it would make it happen. Underline it. Seal the deal. And fuck if it didn’t work like a charm.

When the fuck had Rick saying ’please’ become a magic word that wrapped him around his finger? He had to be careful not to let Rick know that, so he said nothing, only made himself comfortable in one of the chairs around the table. Leaned back to watch the reunion unfold like a Greek drama.

 

* * *

 

Rick forced himself to stop thinking about the dream, but it was difficult. It had felt so real, and he didn't understand why his mind would conjure up such a version of Negan, one he had never seen before and couldn't imagine had ever existed. It had to be the bond, just digging deep in his imagination to paint this picture of a caring man capable of the most heart-wrenching tenderness and grief.  

When the door opened and the redheaded man with the burn scars ushered Daryl inside, Rick stopped pacing and looked up, hands on his hips. Daryl looked a lot cleaner than last time and wore some too-normal office outfit with grey chinos and white shirt. It brought to mind a scruffy alley cat being forced to wear a home-knitted cat sweater, just plain _wrong_. But this alley cat plainly didn’t give a shit. He took in the room with one quick sweep of his eyes and clearly decided to stand absolutely still until he knew more about the situation.

Their eyes met almost instantly, Daryl’s wary suspiciousness finding purchase in Rick’s steady gaze. Rick tried to project calm, to wordlessly assure him that it was fine, even though Negan’s presence made it anything but.

He nodded, and after a moment of hesitation Daryl nodded back and relaxed a fraction, so minutely that only people who knew his really well would have noticed.

”Daryl”, he said, noting the slight shiver in the man’s posture at the sound of his name. ”We’re going home to Alexandria today.”

Sharp blue eyes darted from Rick to Negan and back, alive with suspicion. Negan said nothing, apparently content with letting Rick take the lead on this. And judging by his broad smile, he found it amusing as hell.

”It’s alright, we have an understanding”, he continued and gestured towards the empty chairs around the table. ”Let’s sit down.”

Daryl followed and when Rick took the chair beside Negan, Daryl chose the one opposite Rick. He shifted, clearly uncomfortable in his new clothes.

Rick hesitated, running his fingers through his hair and looking away while trying to find the right words. The rumpled sheets on the big bed made him cringe inwardly.

_Shit, I should have fixed that…_

He felt Daryl’s tension ramp up, heard it in a small, sharp inhale.

”The _fuck_ is that?”

The words were spat out in a low, gravelly voice that had clearly not been used in a long time. Daryl was staring at Rick’s neck, and for just a moment he had no idea what his friend was talking about. Then he realized what he had t be looking at.

_Bruises! Fuck!_

Red-faced, his hand flew to his neck in an futile attempt to cover it up.

Then Daryl’s focus shifted to Negan, and their eyes locked in a battle of wills that Rick had been unaware of.

”What the fuck did you _do_?” Daryl surged to his feet, every muscle tight with tension. ”Huh?”

Negan rose slowly, like he had all the time in the world, until he was towering over them both. His smile was still present, but it was tighter, sharper. And it no longer reached his eyes.

”What exactly do you think I did?” There was a dangerous edge in the question, a warning that made Rick shoot up and get between them.

”Stop. Stop it right now”, he snarled and put his hand on Daryl’s chest, somehow knowing that Negan would not be one to land the first blow. Tension hummed in the muscles under his hand, coiled tight to spring at any moment. ”Stop!”

The strength in his voice made Daryl back down a fraction, but not enough.

”Daryl. We’re _bonded._ ”

That got a reaction. Daryl turned to Rick, eyes wide with _…hurt?_ He backed away, unsteadily as if the word had been a bullet. Rick followed, matching every step with one of his own, never breaking eye contact.

” _Bonded?_ ” The word was spat out as if it was poison. ”But he…”

”I know”, he said quietly, reaching out with one hand to grasp Daryl’s neck.

”He fucking _killed_ -” Daryl’s voice broke but he didn’t flinch away from his touch, didn’t resist as Rick pulled him closer until their foreheads were pressed together.

”I know.” He waited a couple of breaths, then turned his voice to stone. ”It’s _done._ I made the call.” He waited again until a hint of acceptance crept into his friend’s eyes, then forced himself to push through the fear and ask: ”Are you still with me?”

At first Daryl said nothing. There was a moment, a horrible moment when he thought he lost him and inwardly he felt like he started to bleed out in a way that he hadn’t felt since Shane died. Desperation burned deep in his chest.

_Can’t lose another brother. I can’t._

Some of it must have shown in his eyes because Daryl’s eyes softened somewhat and he let out a shaky breath.

”Yeah.”

Rick closed his eyes, weak with relief. He nodded once, opened his eyes and mouthed a silent ’thank you’.

A knock on the door made them jump apart. Negan went and got it, accepting three plates from the person on the other side, then dismissed the man before nudging the door closed with his boot.

”If you two princesses are done with your kodak moment, how about we eat before we go”, Negan said, putting the plates done on the table.

Daryl looked to Rick, who nodded, and waited until he sat down before joining at the table.

He understood. The dynamic had changed yet again, and Daryl was trying to figure it out. To him Negan was still the enemy and would probably remain so for some time. Perhaps forever. Perhaps this awkward and uneasy truce would be as good as it ever would be.

Forcing himself to enjoy the food, he looked at his mate, who groaned in delight as he bit down on a crispy strip of bacon, and his brother who eyed him suspiciously, and prayed silently that this was a promising beginning.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the feels! All of them! This is just one of many reaction, there will be more but not all will get this much focus. Once they get back to Alexandria, Daryl will be able to speak more freely (and get out of those awful clothes...)
> 
> Let me know what you think, babies! I continue to thrive on your opinions! <3 <3 <3


	9. 48 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A couple of talks, revelations, feels and all that good stuff. Actually, some of this made me go all sadface so brace yourselves for feels. And guess what's fucking with our fave couple? You guessed it. The bond.

The ride back to Alexandria was almost as awkward as the breakfast, at least in Rick’s opinion. Negan seemed as relaxed as always as he was maneuvering the car along the roads leading to the sustainable town. Rick was riding shotgun, and behind him was Arat. On her right side was Daryl. By some miracle his old clothes had been handed back to him in a threadbare old tote bag that he was clutching in both hands as if afraid they would be snatched away from him again.

Nobody said anything, not even Negan. If it wasn’t so tense, Rick would have enjoyed the silence.         

As it was the dream from last night was replaying in bits and pieces behind his eyelids every time he closed his eyes.

 

_”You get the fuck back here, you fucking coward!”_

_Hate and frustration, flung like spit from his drawn-back lips._

_The doctor fled, not once looking back. Not fucking once._

_The old man never made it to the car he was aiming for. Six feet away from it, he was surrounded and dragged to the ground, screaming hysterically as he was torn apart by rotting hands._

_So fucking many of them. Forty at least. Fifty? More?_

_At least it gave him and Mary a chance to get inside. He hoisted the pregnant woman up in his arms. Fucking fuck, was that hurting her? The fuck did he know about fucking pregnancies anyway?_

_”Go go goohh!”_

_He barely made out the words in the pain-filled howl as she clawed against his dirty jacket. Breaking into a run, he managed to reach the steel doors in time to wrench them open just enough for them to get inside before slamming it shut behind them. A few rotting digits that had almost reached them were severed and landed uselessly beside his feet. Listening carefully for any other sounds, he moved them deeper into the dark space ahead of them._

_Acting on instinct, he felt around the corner for a switch and halle-fucking-lujah, a weak light bulb flickered to life in the low ceiling. The space was smaller than he had initially thought, but mercifully contained no threats so he gently lowered Mary to her feet. She gritted her teeth and sank to her knees, her pale face slick with sweat. He spread his dirty jacket on the ground next to her._

_”Come on, you gotta lay down…”_

_She batted his hands away impatiently, hissing at him._

_”Fuck’s sake, stoppit-just fuckin-aaah!”_

_She clutched her huge stomach and he caught her when she toppled over and clumsily lowered her to the ground on top of the jacket. Her jeans were drenched and he thought at least some of it was blood. Was that normal? He didn’t know. She tore at her pants and he helped her get them off, together with her panties. Careful not to look._

_Pregnant women weren’t chicks, they were different, he couldn’t explain it, they had a kind of digni-_

_”What does it look like?”_

_”How the fuck should I know? I’m not a goddam doctor!”_

_”Look, you fucking get down there and make yourself useful, or get up here so I can fucking punch you in your goddam face!!”_

_The snarl ended in another painful shriek, her head thrown back and her back bowed. He leaned in, meaning to help her but on cue her little fist shot out like a snake and clocked him square in the nose._

_”Jesus! Fuck!”_

_”GET YOUR SORRY ASS DOWN THERE NOW, ASSHOLE!”_

_He did. God-fucking-dammit, he really did._

_He watched her tear like wet paper as the baby pushed through, watched the blood pool beneath her._

_Watched helplessly as her body drained of color while he wrapped the baby in his t-shirt with shaking hands._

_Vague thoughts about clean towels and hot water. None of it available._

_She clutched at him and he caught her hand and held it tight. Her gaze seemed to focus on him by will alone, lips barely moving as she spoke._

_”Negan. Listen to me. You’re an asshole, but you’re a good fucking person. You hear me? You protect him. You promise me. You’ll do that.”_

_”I promise. Mary? You know I will. Mary? Mary!”_

_But her green eyes were already drained of fire, her empty gaze locked on something far away, too far away for his words to reach her._

_He sat leaning against the wall, cradling the baby while absentmindedly stroking the red locks of its mother._

_Grief. Numbing in its intensity._

_Mary. It was impossible to take it in, to accept that he would never again go back to work and have her there challenging his every decision, a tough-as-nails bitch of a person who seemed to be made entirely out of fire and anger. He always wondered what kind of man would have the sheer balls to get her pregnant. And now she was gone._

_”You’re a real bitch, you know that?”_

_Hearing his own voice out loud made him realize he was weeping._

Rick sat up straighter in his seat, pushing the memory of the dream back into the recesses of his mind. It had to be the bond somehow, but why make up something like that? The hollow sense of loss was still pounding in his chest like a dull ache. He found himself hoping that the baby had made it before he remembered that it didn’t exist. That the version of Negan fighting to save a pregnant woman didn’t exist either.

He cast a furtive glance at the man currently busy navigating the car past a couple of old wreckage on the road and remembered being dragged across the ground, remembered being forced to retrieve the goddamn ax while fighting through a haze of shock and disbelief that threatened to paralyze him.

Glenn’s twitching body, Maggie’s wail of grief.

Pushing the memory back with a shudder, he forced himself to think of other instances.

He never would have expected Negan to bring Carl back alive after the stunt he pulled. Or hold Judith, a thought that he still found intolerable. He still considered it an insane power play, but was there more to it?

In the harsh light of day, he couldn’t stomach thinking about the other night. Negan’s behavior had been terrifying, but not nearly as horrible as his own. The loss of dignity and self-worth stung but he could bear it for the sake of his group. It was the weak moments that turned his stomach, the moments where he actively chose to give into omega instincts and _enjoy_ it. If he had to be honest with himself, the shame of enjoying it wasn’t the worst part. The worst part was that it opened a door in him, tempting him to put his faith in someone who he could never afford to trust.

Negan’s voice trickled through his memory:

_”I want you to think about what could have happened. Think about what happened. And think about what can_ still _happen.”_

Rick did. Constantly.

 

* * *

 

 

When they got to Alexandria Negan stopped the car.

”Arat”, he said, not bothering the look in the rear-view mirror. ”Get the gates open. Take Daryl with you.”

She nodded, and both of them got out of the car.

He shot Rick a broad grin, but the man didn’t return it.

”Hey, home sweet home. Thought that’d put a smile on your face.”

When Rick said nothing, he narrowed his eyes, flicking his tongue out to trace the line of teeth. Decided to push.

”You okay? Seem a bit quiet. Bet your ass is a bit sore from me fucking it all night… is that it? Was I too rough on you?”

Rick’s eyes spat blue fire at him, and the skin of his neck flushed red like a fucking road flare. He wanted to drag his teeth across it.

_Fucking tease._

”Come on, I have a little something for you”, he said, opened the car door and stretched his legs. Rick followed him to the back of the car and he opened the trunk. Watched the man’s face closely, eating up his reaction. ”Like it?” he prodded, hungry for something more than widened eyes.

In the trunk was a bundle of rifles and guns, ten all in all. And packs of ammo.

Rick nodded, then cleared his throat.

”Yeah”, he said hoarsely. ”Yeah, I do. Thank you.”

Negan beamed, a bit unsettled that the simple gratitude filled him with so much satisfaction. He shook it off. There was still one important point that he needed to get across.

He moved closer until there was no space between them, pleased that he immediately had Rick’s full attention.

”Glad you like it”, he murmured. ”Oh, and maybe I should have told you this before, but I guess it slipped my mind… the doc had one solid thing to say about the bonding shit.” He paused, watching the apprehension build in the blue eyes. ”If one dies, both die. Isn’t that fucking romantic?”

Rick’s lips parted on a exhale, glancing down at the weapons in the trunk.

”That’s right”, he continued softly. ”So you be real careful with these. And tell your little friends about the bond pretty fucking quick.”

He picked the weapon bundle up, handing it to Rick who accepted it, eyes darting as if to look for an imaginary emergency exit.

He had made fucking sure there was none.

”One for the road, _sweetheart_?”

He leaned in, tilting his head, amused at how Rick cast a quick look at Daryl. Honest to fuck _blushing_.

_Fucking adorable._

Rick tilted his head up and accepted the kiss, and he kept it light, rewarding him by _not_ going full-on Bogart on his ass in public.

_Yet._

He’d give him a couple of nights to recover. As much as he wanted to fuck Rick every goddamn minute of the day, he probably needed to give him a break since it had been his first time and all. The thought of teasing the sore hole with his dick, tongue and fingers while listening to his omega’s moaning was so damn tempting that he had to close his eyes for a second, fighting back impulses.  

_Fuck it._

One of his wives could take care of his hard-on for awhile.

 

* * *

 

 

Once Negan had left with Arat and they both were safely inside the gates of Alexandria, Daryl turned to Rick.

”Wanna tell me what they fuck that was about?”

”Let’s talk inside.”

He was conscious of people’s eyes on him, particularly the guards. Had they seen the kiss? Might not have, since they would have been at an odd angle. The marks on his neck spoke volumes, though.

Before exiting Negan’s rooms, the alpha had noticed his hesitation and mockingly offered Rick his red scarf to cover it up, something he had felt would look even more questionable. Now he wished he had taken it. A red scarf is a red scarf, only a limited handful of people would associate it with Negan. Love bites and hickies were another story. He turned the collar of his shirt up, hoping that it covered most of it.

The went to Rick’s house, but he didn’t want to go inside yet so he walked around to the garden at the back. Daryl followed, then seemed to wait for Rick to talk.

He put the bundle of weapons on the ground and ran his hand over his face, trying to make sense of the situation so that he could even attempt to talk about it.

”Look, it’s not easy to explain”, he began and Daryl huffed in silent agreement. ”Negan… he made a-a suggestion. We talked about it.”

He paused, searching for the right words. He hadn’t felt like he had any choice, and yet Negan had not forced him to do anything.

”He wanted the bond, and for that Alexandria doesn’t have to provide for him anymore. Plus we got some guns back.”

He didn’t want to go further into detail, or mention that his family, including Daryl, was under his protection. Somehow it felt too intimate. Daryl seemed to mull it over, gnawing on a thumbnail.

”Huh”, he said finally. ”Didn’t know. Should’ve known you’re an alpha, I guess. Didn’t know alphas could bond, though. Huh.”

Rick shrugged and said nothing. Of the two options, Daryl had assumed that his leader was an alpha, and he didn’t want to correct him.

”I get it. Why you made that call. It’s shit but I get it. What happened to your face?”

At the question, his hand flew to his face, prodding around. _Shit._ He tried to think back to the previous night. Had Negan done something to his face? Fingertips came across a raw stripe that stung when he touched it. The pad had probably fallen off in the shower.

”He shaved me”, he said without thinking.

”Jesus”, Daryl muttered in disbelief and huffed again. Looked down and shifted, suddenly seeming more uncomfortable. ”Are… are you okay? Did he..?” he finally said, looking up at Rick.

”Yeah, I’m fine. He didn’t force anything”, he replied, touched but not ready to talk about it yet, if ever. Daryl studied him for a second longer, then nodded.

”Alright.” A few moments passed in silence, most of the tension put to rest for now. ”Your boyfriend’s a fucking psycho”, Daryl muttered after awhile and Rick nodded solemnly, ignoring the term ’boyfriend’, that seemed so wildly out of place it would have been funny if it wasn’t his reality.

”I know.”

He leaned against the house, crossing his arms over his chest.

”Don’t know what I should tell Carl, though.”

Now it was Daryl’s turn to shrug.

”How about the truth?” he replied in his raspy voice. ”Carl’s a smart kid.”

”Yes, but…” He pinched the bridge of his nose. ”It’s not that simple. He’ll see it as a betrayal.”

”Nah. Nah, man. He won’t. He knows you’ll protect him, that’s all. No matter what.”

Despite his misgivings about the talk, Daryl’s words did make him feel slightly better.

”Rick? You there?” Michonne’s tentative voice came from around the corner and the sound of her footsteps grew more pronounced until she stepped into view. ”I’m gonna take a couple of people and go scavenging. You-Daryl?”

She closed the distance between them in a few quick steps and hugged him close. He hugged her back and they held each other in silence before stepping apart.

”How did you get away?” She stopped short and looked at the bundle on the ground. ”Are those rifles?” She lowered her voice, her dark eyes lighting up. ”Are we fighting?”

Daryl shook his head and nodded to Rick.

”Good luck, man”, he muttered and stalked off.

Michonne looked from Daryl to Rick and her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

”What’s going on?”

Rick took a deep breath. It had to be now.

”Negan came to our house last night. He… he offered another deal, and I took it”, he began, seeing the suspicion deepen in her eyes, muscles tensing although she didn’t move an inch.

”What kind of a deal?” she asked, her voice low and intense.

”He wanted to bond with me. As in, wanted us to be bondmates. And-”

”You refused, right? _Right?_ ” Her voice was suddenly razor sharp and he swallowed hard, hating himself.

”I said yes.” At her disgusted look he held up his hands. ”In return Alexandria doesn’t have to provide for him anymore. Everyone here is off the hook. We’re safe”, he added quickly and she scoffed.

”Safe? With that psychopath around the corner? Keep telling yourself that.” The last words were spat out with more venom than he had ever heard from her, and as if she was sensing that herself she took a few deep breaths and finally moved.

” _Jesus_ , Rick. You could have talked to me before you agreed to something like that,” she said, pacing. One of her hands were pressed to her stomach as if she was fighting nausea.

”I know. I’m sorry. I just wanted to- look, I _need_ to keep you all safe. It seemed like the only way. Fighting them wasn’t an alternative and we can’t keep going on unnecessary scavenging runs just to keep them happy. Tensions would build and eventually… what happened to Spencer and Olivia would happen to everyone, until there would be _nothing_ left of us.”

She watched him as he talked and he thought he noticed a change in her eyes and posture, as if she had calmed somewhat.

”Speaking of us”, she began, then hesitated. ”Now that you are bonded with him… where does that leave us?”

The question was asked so softly he could barely hear it, but the meaning hit him like a blow to the chest. Because it was _Michonne_. The woman that he had come to love, who had earned his respect a thousand times over and never once betrayed him.

”Michonne, I’m so sorry…” he said, but had no idea how to continue so he fell silent. Her eyes widened and the hurt he saw in them scorched him to the core. Then she looked away.

”Alright”, she said after awhile, her voice hardened. ”Alright. I’ll get my stuff.”

”You don’t have to-”

”I do. I really do.” She turned to go.

”Wait!” He knelt next to the weapons bundle and opened it. Took out a gun and made sure it was loaded. Then he stood up and offered it to her. She accepted it and secured it behind her, hidden from view.

”Part of the deal?” she muttered, wrinkling her nose in disgust. ”Anything else I should know?”

”Yeah”, he said, because with her he thought it might be a real risk. ”If he dies, I die. And vice versa.”

Their eyes locked, and the silent understanding that was just _them_ passed the wordless communication.

_Don’t do anything stupid, but if it comes down to it… don’t hesitate to make a hard choice._

 

* * *

 

 

Negan sauntered over to Sherry, throwing her a suggestive leer that she returned with narrowed eyes and a fuck-you-curl to her upper lip. She was his favorite by far, the only one to go toe to toe with him and speak her mind. The others were apprehensive at best, scared at worst, although he always took his sweet time making them relaxed and willing.

Except for Sherry, who seemed to prefer a good hate-fuck.

He leaned against the table she was standing by, making sure their hands were almost touching as he poured himself a glass of whiskey. When he held it up to her she declined with a small shake of her head.

”How was your day, dear?”

One of her eyebrows shot up at the domestic question, and she shrugged her slim shoulders. Took his measure with sharp eyes.

”Where’s your new husband?”

His grin widened. He didn’t ask how she knew, words traveled fast. And the walls weren’t exactly sound proof.

”Hey, no need to be jealous. I’m all yours tonight.”

She shot him a challenging look that normally made him rock hard but right now he felt nothing. Not even a fucking tingle. He took a sip, watching her, taking his time admiring her titties, pushed up and on display in that sexy fucking dress. Focused on the memory of her nipples hardening when he played with them, how they were so sensitive he reckoned that he could make her come just from that.

Still not a twitch in his pants.

_What the fuck?_

He tapped his finger against the glass, a horrible suspicion forming. His gaze swept around the room, taking in every one of his wives, knowing that every single one of them were _his_. A thought that never failed to get him hard, but somehow it did nothing for him.

He might as well have been looking at traffic cones instead of a room full of tits and ass. Licking his suddenly dry lips, he turned back to Sherry with a cruel smile.

”Shit, don’t worry about it. Maybe I prefer fucking him to staring into your sullen fucking face.”

Her lips parted in shock.

He turned and walked away, still clutching the whiskey glass in his hand. Frustration burned but he kept his cool until he came to his rooms. Well inside he turned, then turned again, then tossed the glass against the wall. It shattered in a thousand small pieces that glittered like dust in the fading light from outside.

_Fuck. MotherFUCKing FUCK._

It was the fucking bond, it had to be. This wasn’t part of the fucking deal. He slumped down on the bed, shoving his hand down his pants. In his mind he conjure up every filthy thing he had ever done with his wives, the best of the best, stuff that never failed to get him off after a hard day when all he wanted was a quick wank in the shower.

His dick was completely uninterested. Even his mind was treating it like a memory of a good meal. Like, he could remember it being okay, but it wasn’t like his mouth watered for it. Like he wasn’t even hungry.

Or maybe he was just tired. As an experiment, he remembered Rick’s face as he came all over himself while he was fucking him… the way his jaw slackened and his eyes widened like he had been fucking stabbed.

_Oh yeah. Fuck yeah._

He tightened his thumb and forefinger and thrust into it, imagining it to be Rick’s tight hole.

He stopped, breathing hard. God-fucking-dammit, he was already close to coming in his fucking pants. The frustration fueled his anger, and suddenly he was furious at Rick. Wanted to punish him for narrowing his whole fucking world down.

He slowly began jerking himself off again, imagining Rick on his knees, choking on his dick. Bent over a table, fucking _taking_ it as he gave it to him hard, again and again and again… 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo... that happened! I hope you enjoyed this chapter, babies! If you did, please let me know what you think! <3
> 
> Coming up:  
> 1\. People doing stupid things (Looking at you, Negan. Stop it.)  
> 2\. More mindfucks from the bond. Have fun going insane, boys!  
> 3\. People doing stupid things (Stay in the house, Carl!!)


	10. 74 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh, how to describe this chapter... okay, so I'm hosting the Bad Decision Olympics, and everybody is going for the gold.

He never told Carl.

After the talk with Michonne he felt raw inside and needed to think about something else. For the rest of the day he distracted himself with work. The guns he hid for the time being, just until he had figured out what to tell people. For just a second he was considering giving them to Olivia for safe keeping, then he remembered that she was dead. And why.

_What the hell am I gonna tell people?_

Unable to decide on a good explanation, he tried for normalcy for the rest of the day, but initiated no scavenger runs. Nobody questioned that, perhaps too relieved to ask why. There was plenty of things to do, including detailing farming plans. Aaron wanted to go to the Hilltop when he was fully healed and see if they could trade for some wood to make new beds.

Eventually he did make his way home, where he and Carl made dinner. Tomato soup and bread. Carl had Judith on one arm while stirring the pot and she made a few happy noises that could almost be interpreted as talking, although not in a language anyone could understand. This didn’t seem to bother her though, and Rick and Carl shared a grin.

It felt so easy, so calm.

He flattened the dough out on the table, smoothing it out until it was almost too thin.

”Dad? Is something wrong?” Carl’s blue eye studied him, his mouth set in a tense line that seemed too old for him.

_Now. Tell him now._

”No. Everything’s fine. Just a bit tired, is all.”

He forced himself to smile. What could he tell him? The truth was so horrifying that he hadn’t even processed it himself, and if he couldn’t make sense of it how could he explain it to his boy?

_I let the wolf in, son. Permanently._

He fought the impulse to pull them both into his arms and just hold them. How could he keep them safe now? He had gambled all of it on the assumption that Negan would keep his promise not to hurt them, but what would ensure that? The bond? He didn’t even know how, and if, that worked. At least now he had one final emergency exit that would forever remove Negan from the lives of his loved ones. It was depressing how much comfort he felt at the thought. Michonne and Daryl would take care of Carl and Judith.

Carl looked at him for a moment longer, then shrugged it off. It wasn’t as if he couldn’t imagine what his dad was brooding about, Rick supposed.

They had dinner and talked about neutral things. He wasn’t the only one avoiding the subject of Negan and the saviors. Of Olivia and Spencer. Carl didn’t bring it up either, and Rick decided that if he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it, he wouldn’t make Carl talk about it again either. They could both use a normal night for once.

That’s what he told himself as Carl took Judith upstairs to put her to bed. He watched him go with a sinking feeling. Opened his mouth to say something.

”Carl?”

Carl stopped and bent down to look at him through the railing.

_Tell him. Tell him!_

”Goodnight”, he said instead and soaked up the grin Carl shot his way.

”G’night, Dad.”

He’d think about it carefully, Rick told himself as he stood alone in the kitchen, absentmindedly touching the note he left for Carl on the fridge. Remembering the weight of Negan’s chin on his shoulder.

_I’ll tell him tomorrow._

That night he spent a lot of time just sitting on the couch, unsuccessfully willing his mind to rest. It was easy to imagine that the last twenty four hours had never taken place, and if it had, too easy to imagine that the bond would have little or no effect. In all honesty he feared the bond almost as much as he feared Negan, and he desperately wanted to be able to find comfort in at least one of them. If the bond was an unbreakable fact he would have to learn how to live with it. He tried to feel for it, tried to look within himself somehow.

Back when he worked as a police officer, a lifetime ago, they had undergone sensitivity training after a shooting. Shane had called bullshit on all of it, and ended up sleeping with the speaker, but Rick had found the simple meditation techniques useful after a particularly hard day.

_Breathe in._

_Hold for ten._

_Breathe out._

_Hold for ten._

He let his breath slow down, let his eyelids drop. Muscles he hadn’t even realized were tense steadily relaxed until even his thoughts moved leisurely, less frantic than before.

When he started to notice the difference he didn’t know. But somewhere in the middle of the rare, tranquil place he found it. In the back of his mind, so deceptively innocent that he had never known it was there. It was hard to describe it to himself, so difficult to put his finger on it. It might be his own imagination.

What would be the visual equivalent of what he felt?

Looking into a mirror and seeing someone else.

Looking down on the ground and seeing a shadow right next to yours, moving independently yet stretching out from beneath your own feet.

Mentally, he tried to reach out, put his thoughts against it like a palm pressed against a mirror. Fragments of information trickled into his mind, little pinpricks of feelings that were not his own.

_Annoyance-anger-pain-longing-rage-lust_

Unable to help himself, he focused on the hint of lust and shamelessly enjoyed it, letting it fuel his own need. It seemed innocent enough, to allow himself to let go without fear in the privacy of his own head. Inside his own mind he could take his time. There would be no raspy voice mocking him if he buried his face in a muscled chest, rubbing against the coarse, dark hair and tracing the tattoo with his lips.

The memory of his scent crept into his senses, adding another layer to the fantasy.

Sinking to his knees didn’t feel like defeat, not without the harsh words painting his world red and long fingers digging into his face. Here, he could rest his heated face against a muscular thigh, unhurriedly inching closer to the thick erection until it was pressed against the side of his face. Turning ever so slightly to press his lips against it, sliding back and forth just to feel the soft skin. Parting his lips and mouthing it lightly.

Tense muscles flexed under his hands as he tentatively stuck his tongue out to lick it. Boldly, he finally licked it root to tip, letting his tongue linger just beneath the head, before sliding all the way up to taste the wetness there.

_So good._

For some reason his mind conjured up a taste that was delicious, addictive. He wanted it so badly his mouth watered for it. To take it into his mouth? Tongue already resting against the head, moving slowly to capture any lingering taste, he let his mouth widen…

_”Rick”_

His eyes shot open and the fantasy popped like a bubble of soap, so fast he was grateful he was sitting down when a wave of vertigo hit him out of nowhere and he had to rest his head in his hands.

”Shit.”

What the hell was he thinking? He looked down at his pants, huffing a laugh at his state. He shifted, his hard cock painfully constricted in his pants. Feeling like a teenager, he took his problem into the bathroom so that he could lock the door behind him. From the second his pants dropped to the floor it didn’t even take a minute for him to come so hard his knees buckled.

Washing his hands, he felt ashamed of himself, fantasizing about giving Negan a blowjob. But mostly he felt grateful that Negan didn’t know.

_Dear God, never let him know._

The alpha would never stop gloating about it.

 

* * *

 

 

At the Sanctuary Negan woke up cursing. Tossing the sheet aside, he sat up and glared down at himself. His dick was so hard it fucking hurt, like he had been teased the whole goddamn night.

”Fuck! What the _actual fuck!_ ”

The bond turned out to be some grade A bullshit. He could take having wet dreams about Rick, hell, he _welcomed_ them. But a honest-to-fuck _almost_ blowjob? It was the weirdest dream he had ever had. It wasn’t that he _couldn’t_ move, or yeah, he really couldn’t, but it was more that in the dream he _wouldn’t_. Because of some bullshit reason, like in the dream he had been sure that any movement or sound from him would fucking break the spell or some shit like that. So, his fucking dream-self or whatever had just fucking shut him down and he couldn’t move no matter how much he wanted to grab Rick’s head and fuck that pretty mouth of his.

When he had _finally_ managed to speak he was fucking losing his mind. It was meant as a command, a firm fucking-get-to-it-already, but Rick’s name came out as a prayer.

He had been reduced to fucking _begging_ , and the second he did the hot mouth, an _inch_ from his dick, had disappeared.

What a fucking life lesson.

Still, that was some hot shit. Hottest goddamn dream ever, even if it left him pissed off and horny.

He pictured Rick back on his knees. It didn’t take him long to shoot, and after a quick shower, he went outside. He had a place to run after all. But fuck, after finding out that he no longer could get it up for his wives, and being fucking cock-teased all night long, he was in a foul mood.

His lieutenants reported in, one after the other. Very few fuck ups and even a handful of new people that had managed to stay alive all the way from Louisiana. They had been on the road for a long time and were grateful for any steady community. According to Gavin they had accepted the points system right away. He also said that there was a hot female doctor among them, probably expecting Negan to jump on it.

”Let her work with Emmett”, was all he said. ”Anything else?”

”No, sir.”

”Good.” He was pleased at the addition. They could never have too many doctors. ”Now listen up. We don’t collect from Alexandria anymore.”

He let that sink in. His lieutenants shifted, a couple of them exchanged glances but all kept quiet and waited for him to continue.

”I’m sure you’re all wondering why that is. I’ll tell you right now. Rick Grimes and I are bonded.” He threw his arm out in a wide arch, showing his teeth in a wide grin. ”Questions? Comments?”

Arat was the only one who didn’t look surprised. The others looked shocked or uncomfortable.

”Why?” Dwight asked at last. There was a note of disgust in his voice that rubbed Negan the wrong way, so he stepped closer to the scarred man, close enough for him to feel his breath on his face. Dwight tried to hold eye contact for a few seconds, then dropped his gaze to the floor.

”Because Rick Grimes is a hot fucking piece of omega ass. And now he’s mine”, he said softly, letting Lucille swing back and forth next to them. ”Does that answer your fucking question, Dwight?”

Dwight nodded hastily.

”You sure? I wouldn’t want _any_ of you to be uncomfortable”, he said with mock concern.

This was met with silence filled with head-shakes and shuffling of feet. He held up Lucille, gently tracing the barbs of the wire with his fingertips.

”Why don’t I believe you?” he asked aloud to nobody in particular. He could smell the acrid scent of fear in the air, and this time he enjoyed it.

”Sir?” Arat spoke, as calm and collected as ever.

”Yes, Arat?”

”Congratulations, sir”, she said in her deadpan voice. His face immediately lit up in a wide smile.

”Why, _thank you_ , Arat!” he replied, absolutely delighted, even more so when he saw the others exhale in relief. He laughed loudly at the sight. ”See? Arat gets it. Now get the hell out of here. The Q and A is officially closed.”

As they filed out, he gave Arat a look and she lingered.

”Make sure everybody knows who are absolutely, under all fucking circumstances, untouchable. Rick’s family. Including all those on their knees that night.”

She nodded and he turned his eyes to the ceiling as if looking for answers.

”The bullet maker?” he said at last, waving his hand in a ’go on’ motion.

”Eugene”, Arat supplied and he snapped his fingers.

”Eugene, that’s it. How’s he doing?”

”Fine. He’s making bullets.”

”Any problems?”

Arat hesitated.

”Might have gotten himself roughened up a bit”, she said vaguely.

”Shut that shit down. Make sure the men knows that it’s the only fucking warning they get.”

He had given his word that Rick’s family was _his_ family, and nobody fucked with his family. Best to keep it simple.

”Meet you by the car. We’re going to Alexandria.”

 

* * *

 

 

Carl had already left when Rick woke up. He resolved to tell him when he got back. In the meantime he fed Judith and talked to her. She watched him steadily with bright eyes, and he got the feeling that even if she didn’t understand him perfectly, she listened. He told her about Atlanta, about the school that she would have gone to. Told her about all the neat stuff she would learn in Alexandria.

After awhile she seemed to drift off and he carried her back to her crib.

He sat down next to it, watching her sleep. It was soothing.

A hard knock on the door shook him out of his reverie and he got up. Closed the door gently behind him before he went downstairs.

The pre-apokalyptic Rick would have yelled ’coming!’, but the Rick of the new world wasn’t really a fan of announcing himself.

He opened the door and felt transported to two nights ago when Negan leered at him.

”Miss me?”

There was something darker in the alpha’s eyes, an edge to the smile. It wasn’t like any of that was new, precisely… but it was more pronounced.

_He’s in a bad mood._

Rick took a step back, allowing Negan to come inside. He wanted to ask Negan why he was back after only a night but he didn’t want to anger him further. Not with Judith sleeping upstairs and a whole town of vulnerable people.

”How’re you doing, Rick?”

”Fine”, he replied, because he was. During the circumstances.

”Yeah? That’s good.” Negan walked around the kitchen and dining area at a slow pace, and Rick couldn’t quite figure out what he was doing.

There was a simmering aggression just beneath the surface that had his nerves on edge. He wasn’t sure how to handle it, but whatever would happen he didn’t want it to happen inside the house so close to Judith.

”Let’s go outside”, he suggested and moved towards the back door. There was a moment when Negan was just watching him without smiling, eyes narrow. Then his faced relaxed into another lazy grin and he followed.

Outside felt better, with more space around them. It was a day of muted light from a sky covered with grey clouds that seemed to suck the colour out of everything. It wasn’t particularly cold, but the dampness in the air promised rain. Rick put his hands on his hips, turning to Negan.

”So, what’s going on?”

Negan laughed, but there was a streak of malevolence that made Rick’s skin prickle.

”Do I need an excuse to see my bondmate, Rick?”

When he didn’t reply Negan moved closer until the taller man had him backed up against the wall of the house. The scent of leather and something uniquely Negan invaded his senses and lit the familiar fire under his skin. He looked up, studying the harsh lines of Negan’s face, the firm mouth looking grim without the usual wolfish smile.

_Touch him_

He fought back the impulse, unsure what would happen. Negan was unpredictable, and right now the air between them was thick with tension. Their eyes were locked, bodies tense.

”You seem to be in a bad mood”, he tried when he couldn’t stand the tension anymore.

Negan barked a joyless laugh.

”Do I? Then why don’t you try kissing it better?” He licked his lips, bringing his hand up to trace Rick’s bottom lip with his thumb. ”Like a good little omega…”

The words felt like a slap in the face and he recoiled, about to knock his hand away when his mind registered a sharp intake of breath to his right. Both heads whipped around to spot the intruder.

Tara stared back, her brown eyes huge in her pale face. Eventually she closed her mouth and blinked several times, looking down at the laundry basket she was carrying.

”Uh… I-I knocked and nobody answered, and then I heard voices”, she began, then swallowed hard. ”Um, yeah, um… found some more things for Judith.” She raised the basket a fraction, as if offering it up as proof.

Rick felt Negan’s eyes on him, seeing the glint of teeth in his peripheral vision. The asshole was clearly enjoying his discomfort.

He felt like he couldn’t breathe.

_No…_

”I’m, uh, I’m just gonna put this down right here”, Tara muttered and put the basket down, then straightened up, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Shoulders drawn up and tense, she tugged at her sleeve to cover her hand, a nervous gesture that made her look about twelve years old. Then she quickly turned to leave, and he finally found his voice.

”Tara”, he pressed out, voice hoarse with emotion. She stopped right away, looking at him. Her eyes darted from him to Negan and back, then narrowed. Her stance changed instantly, hands dropping to her sides clenched into small fists. Chin out in defiance.

”Everything okay, Rick?” she asked firmly.

Negan burst out laughing, a great booming laugh that startled both Rick and Tara.

”Would you look at _that_?” Negan sounded excited. ”Oh, that’s a mighty brave little toaster you got there, Rick.”

The laughter chafed on his nerves and he tried to regain his composure. She must have heard Negan calling him an omega.

”Look, we’re… bonded.”

Her eyes widened comically and he swallowed hard and pressed forward.

”I’d appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself.”

She gave him a look full of sympathy. Negan was quiet but he could feel his eyes on him.

”Sure, no problem.” She hesitated. ”Like, _bonded_ -bonded? Really?” she added incredulously, as if she couldn’t help herself. When he nodded, she mimicked the motion, then turned to leave. ”Okay…” Before she disappeared around the corner of the house she slowed down again. ” _Really?”_

Rick pinched the bridge of his nose, rubbing his eyelids until he saw blue sparks behind them.

”Yeah”, he said wearily and listened to her footsteps fade away.

”Well, that was something.” The edge was back in Negan’s voice. ”Not allowed to tell anyone, huh?”

Rick swallowed hard, not sure how to deal with Negan like this. Not sure what he wanted.

”Let’s go inside.” He quickly entered the house, not wanting anyone else to hear their voices and catch them. Negan was half a step behind him, so close he could feel his body heat against his back. Not even his omega instincts found it comforting, not when Negan also smelled like arousal and aggression.

A grip on his arm and he was turned around. Once again they were facing each other, this time in the kitchen. Rick felt something in him snap.

”Look, what do you want from me?” He kept his voice low. Negan reared back, giving him an incredulous look that melted into a mask of anger.

”Everything.”

From anyone else it might have sounded romantic, but from Negan it felt like a threat. Like there would be nothing left of Rick when he was done. He shuddered and was about to move away when Negan descended on him, catching his lips in a bruising kiss that seemed to be spurred by equal parts anger and lust. It was rough, it hurt and he felt like he was being punished. Still, his body reacted to the onslaught by accepting it, submitting completely. The humiliation was scalding enough to kill the budding arousal and replace it with anxiety.

He wrenched his face to the side, breaking the kiss.

”Nuh- _no_ ”, he panted as Negan dragged his mouth across his jawline, teeth bared.

At the word, Negan leaned back just enough for their eyes to meet. The alpha’s eyes were nearly black, pupils dilated to a point where they almost completely took over the hazel. Heavy breaths met in warm gusts of air between them.

”I-I need time”, he pressed out, desperately trying to articulate what he needed, or even get a hold of his own emotions.

”Time?” Negan repeated, then chuckled darkly. ”I offered you that, remember? Bit late to back out now.”

A heavy hand on the edge of his jeans, thumb wedged inside stroking his hip. Rick’s heart was a hummingbird in his rib cage, frantically trying to get out. It brought back memories of their bonding, and the raw mix of pleasure, pain and outright fear made him hard but also heightened the anxiety.

”Negan, _please_.”

Negan straightened up somewhat, taking a few deep breaths before looking at him again. Leaning in close until his mouth was so close to his ear he felt the hot breath against his neck.

”Fuck you, Rick. I can _smell_ how badly you need me. Fine. I’ll give you all the time in the fucking world.” The raspy voice was a low, intimate whisper. "And when you finally come to your fucking senses, don’t expect me to be all sweet and gentle with you. By then…” A chuckle, a puff of warm air. ”By then I’ll bet you anything you won’t even care as long as I put my dick in you. You’ll have to fucking _beg_ me. You’ll have to crawl for it.”

He felt a numbing cold spreading in his chest at Negan’s words, as if he was sliding into icy water. He felt… betrayed. Which made no sense, but he couldn’t keep himself from looking at him and for a split second when their eyes met he felt as if every one of his vulnerabilities were on display. Negan’s dark eyes widened slightly. The solid wall of anger directed at him began to crumble and through the cracks he saw hints of confusion and regret.

”You fucking asshole.”

_Carl._

Time seemed to slow down. There was a metallic click from the other side of the room. Maybe it was old cop-reflexes, maybe it was something else.

”CARL, NO!” he roared, shouldering Negan aside a fraction of a second before the shot echoed through the room. Pain flared in his upper arm and he slapped his hand over the wound, hissing in a breath.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan regained his balance, catching Rick and steadying him against the counter.

”Rick? Rick!” he barked, staring at the blood trickling out from under his mate’s white-knuckled grip. The sight, the smell of Rick’s blood, all of it triggered his alpha instincts like nothing before.

”Dad?” The kid’s voice sounded small.

He turned, closing the distance between him and Carl in a few long strides, back-handing the gun out of his hand and grabbing a hold of his shoulders.

”What the _fuck_ is wrong with you, kid?” he roared, giving him a hard shake. ”Is killing me so goddamn important that you don’t fucking care if your daddy dies too?”

Carl’s blue eye was filled with fear and bewilderment, which confused him. What the fuck?

”Dad?” Carl repeated, struggling against the grip which only made him clamp down harder. ”Say something!”

”Let him go.”

Rick’s voice was perfectly calm and ice cold, so much so that the hairs on his neck stood on end. He looked up and there was his mate, fucking Rick Grimes, with the gun pointed at _him._ Blood was dripping steadily on the floor from the wound on his arm, but his grip on the gun was sure and firm. That look in his eyes… he recognized that look. He was looking at the person who once tore a man’s throat out with his teeth.

It was fucking _mesmerizing_. Still…

_Better nip that bullshit in the bud._

”You wouldn’t shoot me, Rick”, he said pleasantly. ”You’d die too, remember?”

”If you think for one second I wouldn’t end us both to keep your hands off my child, you’re as stupid as you are crazy”, was the soft reply. The sincerity was unmistakable, and it shook him to the core. It had never occurred to him that Rick would be willing to commit suicide to protect his people from him.

_That’s insane. He_ knows _I’d never hurt them._

Then why this? Sudden doubt burned a hole through his confidence.

_Of course he knows. Doesn’t he?_

He huffed, releasing the grip on Carl’s shoulders. The kid hurried over to Rick’s side, hovering over his wound.

”I’d never hurt your family, Rick”, he growled when Rick showed no sign of lowering the gun. ”You know I wouldn’t. It was part of the deal!”

”Dad, what’s he talking about?”

Rick closed his eyes briefly and swallowed hard, and that’s when it dawned on him.

”You haven’t told him”, he said flatly. ”I gave you fucking _guns_ , and you didn’t think it was important to mention to your fucking _son_ that we-?”

”Stop this!” Rick interrupted, voice shaking with anger.

”You tell him right fucking now, or I’ll keep talking.”

The cold in Rick’s eyes had melted away once he had released the kid. Now he looked tormented as he slowly lowered the gun. Carl stared at Rick, his hand still pressed against the wound on his dad’s arm.

”Carl, we… we made a deal”, Rick began and Negan drummed his fingertips against the counter lightly, listening.

”What kind of a deal?” Carl asked suspiciously.

”H-he offered to let Alexandria off the hook. No collecting, no more scavenger runs. And some guns. And protection for you, and Judith, and the rest…” Rick said, obviously making an effort to collect himself.

”Yeah, for what?” Carl turned a narrowed eye towards him, and he leaned back, giving the kid a grin and a wink.

”We… we bonded”, Rick said firmly.

The kid’s reaction was hilarious. He sucked in a breath, then virtually exploded.

” _What?_ You _bonded_ with him? With _him_?” Carl yelled, pointing at him like there was a fucking question. ”What the fuck, Dad!”

”Carl.”

Oh, there was the Dad tone of voice, alright.

_Too bad that shit never works on teenagers._

”You didn’t have to! We could have made it somehow! We always do!”

The poor kid sounded like he was about to cry.

”Carl. It’s _done_. I made the call, it was _necessary_ ”, Rick insisted, and Negan was fascinated to see that he was a hundred percent in control of himself once more, even while dripping blood on the carpet.

”No, it wasn’t!” Carl yelled. ”How..? Why didn’t you tell me that you’re an alpha?”

Rick said nothing and he groaned.

_Stubborn fucker._

”Check your senses, kid”, he muttered and Rick shot him a murderous look.

For a moment Carl looked confused, then his one eye widened until it looked like it was about to pop out of his head. Cogwheels turned, then he rounded on Negan with his teeth bared.

”SON OF A BITCH!” he shouted and Negan raised his eyebrows.

”CARL!” Rick barked and he wondered if it was because of the foul words or because he thought the kid would do something stupid. He wondered if he would. The kid looked more than happy to take him on at the moment. A few seconds of tense silence, then a quivering wail from upstairs broke it.

Negan tutted.

”Now look what you did,” he said pleasantly. ”You woke the baby.”

Rick sighed.

”We’ll talk about it later, Carl. I promise. Do you mind checking on Judith?”

With one more glare for each of them, Carl stomped up the stairs to check on his sister.

He walked up to Rick, reaching for his injured arm, but Rick backed away.

”You should go”, Rick said firmly.

”Yeah, in a fucking minute”, he replied and took the first aid kit from its usual place. ”Sit your ass down.”

”I got it”, Rick said shortly and Negan licked his lips, studying his face. ”The bullet just grazed me, nothing serious.”

When he made no move to leave, Rick sighed and sat down on one of the chairs by the table. Very gently, he helped Rick off with the shirt and rolled the sleeve of the t-shirt beneath it all the way up.

”This is gonna hurt like a bitch”, he murmured and proceeded to clean it, each pain-filled hiss from Rick grinding on his nerves. ”Not sure if it needs stitches, but I’ll tape it shut with surgical tape. It’ll hold until you see the doctor, alright?”

Rick shrugged and Negan gave a warning grunt at the sudden movement.

”We don’t have a doctor”, Rick said quietly.

He glanced up from the wound, then focused on it again.

”No? Well, we just got another one. I’ll send her over here, permanently.”

He could feel Rick’s eyes on him.

”Thank you”, came the hesitant reply. The silence held until he was done and Rick looked as if he was about to say something. Then he seemed to think better of it, snapped his mouth shut and looked away. 

"And by the way", Negan began, looking up and making sure they had solid eye contact. "No more of that fucking suicide crap. You hear me?"

Rick gave him a bleak look and shrugged.

"Then don't make it the better option", he replied softly and Negan shuddered at the hopeless tone. For the first time he wondered how far he had actually pushed Rick. And if there was a breaking point he didn't see coming. For once not knowing what to say, he cleared his throat.

”Alright then.” He got up and walked to the door, snatching up Lucille on the way out. Then he stopped, turned on his heel and waved Lucille around in a movement that had Rick straightening up in his chair, staring at him. "Look. I say shit in the heat of the moment, but I _won't_ fucking hurt you, I _won't_ hurt your kids. Just fucking trust that." He sighed, and finally made his way to the door. ”See you around, Rick.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you go, babies! <3 Extra long chapter just for you, filled with drama and hints of smut to come. I know everything is a steaming pile of angst right now but trust me, it's about to get good. 
> 
> Thank you for all your sweet comments, they mean the world to me. Please continue to let me know what you think! <3 <3 <3


	11. 23 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The plot thickens. Kind of. Not really. We'll get back to our regularly scheduled porn soon, I promise.

Negan was leaving Alexandria in a worse mood than he had arrived. Not only was he still suffering from a severe case of blue balls, but he had also left it all to Rick and he suspected that his mate was happy to deny them both for as long as he could.

There was some serious fucking lack of trust in their relationship, that much was clear.

It pissed him off. Had he hurt Carl? The baby? Rick? No. Motherfucking _nobody_ since they made the deal. Meanwhile, _he_ was getting fucking shot at every goddamn time he stepped into this fucking stepford-wife suburb.

He wasn’t angry at Carl for that, really. The fucking kid hadn’t known, so his reaction had been pretty understandable. Still, seeing Rick bleed like that… he had shown a pretty fucking _extraordinary_ restraint. He had barely touched the kid, and yet Rick had been prepared to kill them both for him to let go.

Something was severely fucked up in the Grimes household.

_Maybe I fit right in._

”He’ll never trust you, you know.”

He weighed Lucille in his hand while slowly turning around, lips stretching in an indulgent smile. Trying to decide just how upset Rick would be if he killed the little toaster. She was standing a few feet away, dark eyes radiating fear and a kind of desperate bravery.

”What was that?” he asked, every syllable dripping friendliness while he sauntered a few steps closer, one hand cupping his ear as he leaned in close. He had to give her props for not backing away.

”You know he won’t”, she insisted, her eyes filling with… pity.

Fucking _pity._ For _him._

He straightened up, running his hand over his mouth looking away for a moment in an effort to control himself. He wasn’t one to kill women in any case, and Rick would freak the fuck out if he did.

”Look, Tara is it? Tara, that’s an interesting fucking theory you have there, and I gotta thank you from the _fucking_ bottom of my _fucking_ heart for sharing it with me, it really made my goddamn day, you know?” He licked his lips, his grin growing impossibly wider. ”But, and I say this with _supreme_ fucking patience, if you don’t start making sense within the next ten seconds-”

_I’ll stop counting and let Arat here burn your fucking house to the ground._

He bit back the end of the sentence, jaw clenched with the effort of not voicing the threat. Burning down a house would probably upset Rick too. And right now he had to play it carefully.

_”Then don’t make it the better option”,_ whispered Rick’s voice in his mind. Is that what he had been doing? Painting his fucking _mate_ so far into a corner that suicide looked fucking _reasonable_ to him? He had to push the thought away for now, because he didn’t know what to do with the information.

_Fuck._

Tara’s eyes were huge in her pale face and for a moment he thought she was paralysed. Then she seemed to find her footing again.

”Look, if Rick is an omega you really fucked up”, she said quickly as if trying to rise to the ten second challenge. ”The group is everything for them.”

”What the hell do you know about omegas?” he snapped, itching for a fight and knowing she wasn’t the right target.

”I-I wrote a paper a couple of years ago… about people with the AO gene and how they are represented and understood in the Criminal Justice System…” she said, and despite the stutter her back was straight, her shoulders squared.

”Is that so?”

She could tell him more. Hell, she could turn out to be a fucking cheat sheet! The day was looking up.

”Yes!” The little toaster seemed to perk up. ”And I can help you!”

Well, she seemed to be on the same page as him.

”Well, since you kindly offered your services… Arat.” He heard the gravel shift as she stepped closer from where she was hovering a few feet away. ”Take our guest to the car.”

Arat jerked her head in the direction of the car, clearly expecting Tara to follow, but the shorter woman didn’t move.

”Wait! Uh… where are we going?”

”The Sanctuary!” he called over his shoulder as he started walking towards the car. He was almost at the gate when he spotted the priest standing on a porch, watching him warily. At least he wasn’t wearing his creepy smile.

 

* * *

 

 

Rick’s feet felt like they were made of lead as he walked up the stairs. He took a deep breath to steady himself before giving the door to Carl’s room a light knock.

When nobody answered he opened the door anyway and scanned the room. Carl was sitting by the window, arms resting on the windowsill. He threw a look over his shoulder as Rick entered and looked so tired, a grown up kind of tired that made his heart ache. But he wasn’t screaming.

Watching his son like this, he wasn’t sure what he preferred.

”Can I come in?” he asked, and Carl shrugged. He sat down on the bed, elbows resting against his knees. ”Look, I know this is a lot to take in-” he began but Carl interrupted him.

”Did he make you?”

Rick paused and considered the sharp question. He could hear the layers of anger and fear in every syllable, every tense line in the young face.

”No. No, he didn’t. He _offered_ , and I accepted. Not because I wanted to, but because I _needed_ to.”

Carl’s eye narrowed.

”I don’t believe you”, he said, shoulders tense. ”You don’t have to lie to me.”

”Carl”, he said firmly, angling his head to make eye contact, but Carl avoided it. ” _Carl_ ”, he insisted. ”What do you think happened?”

Carl was silent for a long time, but Rick waited patiently without pushing. Something was clearly tormenting him.

”I think… I think he did that to you because I killed some of his men…”

Rick straightened up, watching Carl closely as the boy wrung his hands anxiously. _Guilt._

”Carl, don’t”, he said softly and pulled him into a hug. ”Stop it. This is _not_ your fault.”

At first Carl was tense, then he relaxed into the hug, thin shoulders drooping.

”But he hurt-”

”He didn’t. He didn’t hurt me. He _won’t_.” He wished he could be sure of that, but he couldn’t afford to let doubt creep into his voice.

”Because you’re an omega?”

They let go of each other and Carl gave him a look that was equal parts guilt and suspicion.

”Why didn’t you tell me?” Carl’s voice was quiet and Rick sighed.

”I didn’t see a need to. It could go years between me even thinking about it. It’s never been a big part of me, Carl. This was completely unexpected.”

The boy nodded slowly.

”Look, bonding with me is another step to control us, I’m aware of that. But it’s a two-way street. This way I can influence him too. Protect the group.” Seeing the doubt on Carl’s face was almost his undoing. ”Look, I know. I _know_. But you have to think strategically sometimes. We are outgunned and outnumbered, but we’re still a threat to him long term. Bonding makes sense because it ensures loyalty. He’s part of the family now, and you need to start seeing him that way. You need to _try_.”

Carl rebelled at the last part, he could see it in the way anger built in gaze.

He opened his mouth to continue, to say his piece, when the door downstairs slammed open and both of them was one their feet in the span of a second. As quietly as possible, Rick made his way downstairs with Carl directly behind him.

”Rick? Rick, are you home?” Father Gabriel’s voice carried gently, but it had an edge of desperation to it.

Rick straightened up, moving easily the rest of the way down.

”Gabriel. What happened?”

”He took her”, Gabriel said quickly, shaking his head as if he couldn’t believe it. ”He took Tara. What are we going to do?”

He didn’t need to ask who ’he’ was.

”Where did he take her?”

”I don’t know. In the car”, Gabriel said helplessly. ”I don’t know where they went.”

”To the Sanctuary”, Carl said from behind Rick’s shoulder. ”I bet he took her to the Sanctuary.”

”I’ll get her back”, Rick said and moved towards the door. Carl hurried after him.

”I’ll come with you.”

”No!” Rick stopped in his tracks, turned and put both hands on Carl’s shoulders for emphasis. ”Carl, I need you here in case something happens.”

”What? But Dad-!” Carl said incredulously. ”You can’t go alone.”

”I can. It’s the least risk to all of you.”

”But what about _you_?” Carl’s raised voice made Gabriel cringe in the background. ”What about the risk to _you_? You never think about that! What about Judith? Or me? What are we going to do if you-”

”Carl. Don’t.” Rick’s voice was hard but so full of pain it made Carl stop short, bite down on the words threatening to spill out of his mouth. Lips thinning, he turned on his heels and stomped up the stairs without another word.

For a few moment Rick stood still, looking up the stairs as if waiting for him to come back. When he didn’t he rubbed his hand across his face and left the house.

 

* * *

 

 

”What can you tell me about weird dreams?”

Tara straightened up in the back seat, pushing down the pressure of fear in her chest. She had approached Negan on an impulse, needing to tell him off for using a bond so carelessly. Now, trapped in a car with him and the woman who shot Olivia, she regretted it and wished she could have just kept her mouth shut. The sensible thing would have been to talk to Rick about it, getting the whole story.

”Dreams?” she repeated, sifting through the memories of hours of research and interviews. ”What kind of dreams?”

Dreams were common among bonded, but there were different kinds. The bond affected everyone in its own way. It was almost impossible to predict, but there was a few kinds that were pretty common.

”Weird fucking dreams”, he said, dark eyes meeting hers in the rear view mirror.

”Okay, uh... look, you gotta give me something”, she said, throwing one hand up. ”What did you dream about?”

Silence from the front seat. For a minute the sound of the car engine was the only one in the car.

”I… was him. In the dream.”

It was weird hearing doubt in that raspy voice instead of mocking or threats. She clung to that, seeing it as a good sign.

”Sounds like you’re dreaming his memories. It’s not very common, because usually bondmates know each other very well, but it has happened in all known cases where-.”

”Does it go both ways?” Negan interrupted her, voice razor sharp. When she hesitated, he half turned in his seat to look at her and she instinctively pressed back into the back of her seat. ”Well? Does it go both fucking ways?”

”Y-yeah. It should.” She chewed on her lips. ”Uh… just think about it as the bond trying to build bridges.”

”The _fuck_ does that mean?” Negan spat out.

”It means, well… look it’s all puzzle pieces, not very much is _known_ , you know?” she said nervously. ”But in an interview, well, there was this case of an alpha in a prison bonding with the prison doctor during a riot, to get out of there, I know, what a bitch, but well… the memory thing happened to them quite a lot, and-”

Negan groaned in the front seat.

”Just get to the _fucking point_ ”, he ground out and she ignored him, soldiering on.

” _In the interview_ ”, she said firmly. ”The uh, alpha didn’t want to say much about it, she just said ’you see what you need to see’.”

Negan was quiet for the rest of the way after that, and she didn’t dare to say anything more.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi babies! I hope you liked this chapter! Yep, that was Tara's perspective at the end there. I will throw it in once in awhile. 
> 
> In other news, I'm moving so I won't have internet for a bit, and also have other projects scheduled that will eat up a lot of time, so updates will be less regular than usual for a few weeks now. 
> 
> Anyway, please tell me what you think! Thank youuu! I will reply to each and every comment! <3 <3 <3


	12. 56 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING for... Negan being Negan, I suppose. Lots of violence. Don't eat and read, that's my advice.

_Motherfucking fuck fucking fuck_

Negan was uncharacteristically silent for the rest of the trip, deep in thought as he stared out the window.

_”You see what you need to see.”_

The words filled him with dread, and that pissed him off. It meant two things. One, what he had dreamt had actually happened. Rick had torn some unlucky bastard’s throat out with his bare teeth. He felt an unexpected swell of pride at that. The length his mate was willing to go to protect his family… he was beginning to understand what a tight-knit little group it was. It wasn’t like with the Saviors, or any kind of community he had come across.

People were always willing to throw each other under the bus, it was just a matter of haggling over the price. There was loyalty, sure. But true self-sacrifice? Fucking _graciousness_? That was about as fucking common as a chicken with teeth.

Killing the redhead and that Asian kid – along with his wife, it’d turned out - must’ve done a fucking _shitload_ of damage.

 _Well_ , he thought grimly, _better fucking get over that shit, ’cause I won’t be pulling my dick out of your fearless leader’s throat anytime soon._

And then there was the thing that happened to Carl. That badass little shit didn’t deserve that. Jesus, he could still hear the terrified wailing in the back of his head. He was just a fucking kid, for fuck’s sake.

_Motherfuckers so goddamn lucky they’re dead._

He would have burned them alive.

Two, it meant that Rick would be dreaming _his_ memories. The thought of that put his teeth on edge. A _shitload_ of things that he didn’t want Rick to know and he couldn’t control any of it. What the fuck did Rick need to see about him anyway?

He had to find out. Somehow he had to find out what the hell Rick had seen so far. And he needed to make sure that Rick thought they were just dreams, nothing else.

_”You see what you need to see.”_

Why did he need to see Rick rip somebody’s throat out with his teeth? What was the fucking lesson there? He already knew Rick was a badass. Could see it in his eyes, plain as day. Was part of the reason Negan had a 24/7 hard-on for him.

He was still mulling this over when they pulled into the Sanctuary.

He acknowledged some key people with a nod, but on the whole he was deep in thought. Still, a conversation trickled through the filter and made him stop in his tracks.

 

”Shit man, you know he’s gone soft. Alexandria’s a fucking gold mine, and suddenly we’re not hitting it up ’cause he got some tail? That’s bullshit. Come on.”

 

Negan didn’t move a muscle, just stood there with his eyes closed. Listening. A smile was tugging at his lips. Around him he heard the faint sound of other people stopping. The speaker was just on the other side of a parked van. It was Marcus, a shit-for-brains small-time thief.

 

”Jesus Christ, you better shut your mouth”, said a second voice, sounding nervous.

”Why? Cause I’m telling it like it is?” That Marcus cunt sounded smug. ”You really gonna follow some faggot?”

”You’re such a goddamn idiot, you know that?” The other guy sounded exasperated.

 

Negan had heard enough. He was getting bored and was eager to resume interrogating Tara. She was listening too, staring at him in horrified silence. He grinned at her, banging Lucille lightly against the side of the van to catch their attention.

The silence that followed seemed to hush trough the crowd. Every whisper died down to nothing until all you could hear was the wind whipping around corners and through broken windows.

After a few long seconds, two men emerged from behind the van. A stocky, muscular man with a thick beard, a nose piercing and a scarf around his head, and a rat-faced guy with a lanky build. Both looked pale as he approached them.

”Marcus!” he exclaimed, clamping his hand down on the rat-faced guy’s shoulder. ”Did I hear you express some concerns just now?” He looked at him with mock sympathy and Marcus swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing.

”No, sir”, he said quietly.

”Oh, I think you most certainly _did_. Care to share with the whole class?”

Marcus mumbled something and he leaned in until he could pin the watery, blue gaze with his own.

”Speak up”, he said without a trace of a smile.

”I-I was wondering if, uh, it was really necessary to um, t-to let Alexandria off the hook. Like, completely”, Marcus said, voice trembling almost as much as he did.

”That’s a _good fucking question_ , Marcus!”

Negan’s voice boomed, reaching everyone who was currently watching, frozen from fear and curiosity. He sauntered around the two men, Lucille swinging in a leisurely orbit, close enough for them to feel her breath as she passed.

”Was it _necessary_?” He pursed his lips, leaning back as if had a long hard think about it. He kept walking for a few more seconds, noting with satisfaction that both men were holding their breath. Then he stopped, right in front of them.

”Let me explain it to you, you sorry little shit stain”, he said, eyes narrow and grin tight, as if he was showing his teeth more than smiling. ”Their leader is my fucking bondmate. That means Alexandria is more _on the hook_ than ever. Alex-fucking-andria is on my dick like a worm on a hook.”

He raised Lucille, watching her twirl in his hand.

”Does that _answer_ your concern? I don’t want you to _worry_ , Marcus.”

”Y-yes, sir.”

” _Good_. I’m fucking _glad_. Now, to your next concern…”

Without warning Lucille descended, connecting with Marcus’ knee with a sickening crack. The man fell with a pained scream. As soon as he landed he felt the metal barbs beneath his chin, forcing him to stay upright on his knees and looking into Negan’s face.

”What was it?” Negan asked softly. He kept his voice soft, watching the desperate hope rise and fall on Marcus’ face.

”Sir.. please. _Please..!”_ Marcus pleaded, openly crying now. ”I’m sorry, please don’t-”

” _Share your fucking concerns, Marcus!_ ” he roared. In the corner of his eye everybody flinched. ”Tell these good people what you said. I want everybody to hear it and pay attention to the answer, in case they’ve been wondering the same thing.”

The only thing that could be heard was Marcus’ sobbing.

”T-that you gone, um-uhu, s- _soft_.”

”Right”, Negan said, once again oh-so-softly. ”Oh, Marcus- _Marcus-_ Marcus… this will hurt you a lot more than it’ll hurt me.”

He swung Lucille from the side, letting her connect with his jaw. Not at full strength, because he really wanted to draw this out, but enough to crack a couple of teeth and for the barb wire to rip open his lips.

Marcus fell on his back, hands raised in a futile attempt to protect himself. He tried to push away with shaking legs, clumsily putting more distance between him and Negan. Negan kept pace lazily, as if he was taking an evening stroll. Now and again he swung Lucille once or twice, cracking bones and tearing skin, but he purposefully avoided the head. Marcus put on a fucking _magnificent_ show, screaming, begging and leaving a snail trail of blood on the ground.

People watched in silence, a sea of pale faces. The scent of fear made the air acrid.

He wasn’t normally this brutal. Not to his own fucking people. But some shit needed to be nipped in the bud.

_Soft… fucking priceless._

After a good long while he squatted down, one knee on the ground and gently cradled what was left of Marcus’ face.

”Hey… hey, Marcus.”

Marcus opened his one good eye and watched him blearily.

”Suh-suhr..?” he croaked. Negan rewarded him with a warm smile.

”You feel that answers your question?”

”Yuh- _yuhs_!” Marcus nodded frantically and Negan beamed.

” _Good!_ See, that’s good. Now we’re _communicating_.”

He straightened up, waving the doctor over. Marcus clumsily moved on the ground, unable to get up but visibly relieved.

Negan held up his hand and the doctor stopped in his tracks.

”Wait. There was one more thing, wasn’t there…” he said, scratching his chin in thought.

Marcus’ eyes widened in realization and he started to shake violently.

”Nuh- _no_.”

”Oh yes, there was. I’m sure there was… what was it…” Negan said calmly, as if they were having an interesting debate.

”Ahm suh- _suhrry_ ”, Marcus slurred, curling up in a fetal position on the ground.

Negan snapped his fingers and chuckled.

”Oh yeah. You asked Donnie here if he really was gonna follow some _faggot_.”

Even the wind seemed to be holding its breath. He paused, tongue wedged in the corner of his mouth. Then he gestured to the stocky man with a beard.

”Donnie? As this question was directed at you, how about _you_ take this one.”

Donnie hesitated only for a moment before he stepped forward.

”Listen, you homophobic asshole. Nothing’s changed”, he said shortly before stepping back again. Negan’s laugh echoed over the otherwise silent yard.

”Good answer, Donnie! Good _fucking_ answer.”

He paused, scrutinizing the torn and broken body of Marcus huddled at his feet.

”Faggot, huh?” he chuckled and watched as Marcus shivered and drew his damaged shoulders up.

He rubbed his hand over his mouth and gestured towards Marcus with Lucille. ”Patch him up as best as you can, doc.”

He squatted down again and Marcus stared up at him, petrified as he gently patted his bloody cheek.

”And when you’re good to go, you and I are gonna have a nice, _long_ discussion about word definition”, he said, grinning when Marcus started shaking again.

 

* * *

 

Tara was about to throw up. She would have gotten out of there if it wasn’t for Arat’s hand digging into her jacket at the small of her back, keeping her in place. So she stared in horror as Negan brutalized the pathetic little man, bit by bit beating him to a pulp.

She felt weak and nauseated, like she had when Negan had stabbed Spencer. There was something even worse in the way he drew it out this time, making sure the guy was suffering as much as possible. The sounds when that fucking baseball bat hit its mark… the way the blood sprayed and the way it tore away skin and muscle…

She fought back another wave of nausea. Rick was _bonded_ to that monster, so she couldn’t afford to give up now.

She swallowed and swallowed, trying to keep herself from retching.

Rick had given her a chance, had taken her in. She owed him. But most of all, she owed Glenn.

Glenn, always taking on hopeless cases, never giving up on people. Ironically, in this situation Glenn would have probably been the first to reach out to Negan after the bonding.

They had to make it work. They _had_ to, or they’d lose Rick. Helping Glenn’s murderer felt like a twisted tribute to Glenn, but she knew he would understand her reasoning.

Se watched as Negan sauntered across the yard towards her with the baseball bat across his right shoulder, dripping blood on the ground behind him. The legs of his pants were smeared with blood, as well as his shirt and face. His white teeth gleamed as he shot her a wide grin, looking like he just hit a home run, not beat another human being to within an inch of his life. When she didn’t return his smile he rolled his eyes, as if she was being silly. Overreacting. Sensitive. He walked past and she followed, trying to avoid stepping on the blood stains.

Yes, Glenn would understand her reasoning. After all, she couldn’t imagine a more hopeless case than Negan.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan dismissed Arat and gestured for Tara to take a seat while he leaned Lucille against the wall. He would clean her later, or perhaps get Donnie to do it. Fuck, but it felt good beating the ever-living _hell_ out of that fucker. That was a couple of days of frustration taken care of, right there. He went to his bar and took two whiskey glasses and poured two fingers each.

He handed one to Tara before sitting down opposite her.

”Now, that couldn’t have been fun to watch”, he said after taking a sip, studying her. He had expected her to be more weepy about it, maybe try to lecture him on Right and Wrong, but she was just watching him with an uncanny poker face, slowly twirling the glass between her fingers before taking a small sip.

”Yeah. It wasn’t”, she agreed. ”You got more questions for me?”

”Straight to the point, no bullshit. I like that”, he grinned, then turned serious. ”Now, what the fuck did you mean, I fucked up?”

It took her a second to decipher the sentence, but when she did she shrugged.

”I told you, omegas are all about the pack, the group, the _community._ You kind of made a point of being the number one threat to his. Like, bam, first impression.” She hesitated, then sighed and tucked her hair back, leaning forward with her arms resting on her knees. ”Look, I get it. Sort of. You had to make a point, and you went in to break the leader. Which, congratulations, I fucking guess… You just gotta realize you might not be able to repair it. I don’t know the details, but, well… I heard a little about what happened.”

She ran her fingers through her hair.

”Consequences, dude! You- you smash a tea set in a thousand pieces, are you really gonna be that surprised you can’t serve tea in it?”

He huffed a laugh at that and leaned back in chair.

”Rick’s a badass”, he said with more confidence than he felt. ”He’ll bounce back.”

”Maybe he will”, she agreed. ”Maybe he won’t. Look, for the bonding to work he has to trust you. But why would he? Have you given him a single reason to?”

”Fucking _plenty_ of reasons!” he snarled, downing the whiskey and slamming the glass on the table. ”I took his fucking _kid_ home, _nothing_ happened to his fucking family that afternoon-”

”Wow, you didn’t murder his kids! Fucking _gold star_ , dude!”

He stared at her, unable to remember the last time somebody spoke to him like that. He ran his hand over his mouth, shaking his head and laughing quietly.

”You got some set of lady-balls on you, I’ll give you that”, he said then watched amused as she got up.

”Look, you want me to help you, so fucking listen. Rick’s not gonna give you credit for _not_ doing shitty things. He’s gonna give you credit for doing _good_ things.” She sank down again, giving him a strange look. ”Please tell me that you know the difference.”

”Of course I know the fucking difference. Yeah”, he said, grabbing his empty glass and turning it in his hand. Of course he knew the difference. Of course. He tried to ignore the nagging doubt that he might not.

She stared at him, then cleared her throat.

”Okay. So, uh, moving on. You kind of check all the classic alpha boxes and then some. Not sure what to tell you about alphas and omegas in general.”

Negan shrugged.

”Well, Rick’s a fucking exceptional omega, you gotta admit”, he said lightly. ”Everyone think he’s an alpha.”

That earned him a surprised look.

”Rick? No, he’s a pretty textbook omega”, she said.

”Textbook? He’s _tough as nails_. First time we met, he was on his fucking knees and he was _still_ giving me lip.” He chuckled at the memory. ”Told me he was gonna kill me. Should’ve been there, it was fucking _glorious_.”

She took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly.

”Yeah ok, little tip: careful when you go skipping down memory lane. I imagine that is _not_ a fond memory for Rick.” She cleared her throat again, then took another sip of whiskey. ”Anyway. Yeah, Rick is a pretty textbook omega. Omegas are traditionally great leaders. He only went toe to toe with you because you threatened his group.”

Negan was silent for a moment.

”Aren’t alphas supposed to be the great leaders?” he finally asked.

”Yeah, in a way. Alphas and omegas are two very different kinds of leaders. Look, giving this genetic disorder an AO spectrum was misleading from the start. It was named in the early 1900s so up until 1940 nobody even knew women could be alphas. Like, the more we find out, the more we have to re-evaluate what we think we know. Did you know they dug up a few ancient burials around Turkey a few years ago? Well, they could test the remains, and what they found kind of caused them to test a lot of other remains, to test an hypotheses.”

Part of Negan was already impatient by all this useless information. But he kept silent, because another part of him was intrigued.

”Two different kinds of leaders”, he prompted to get her back on track. She nodded.

”Turns out quite a few of the known successful kings and queens were omegas and many of the legendary military leaders were alphas. Or, to put it simple, omegas lead communities, alphas lead armies.”

Negan got up and refilled his glass, processing this information. He was disturbed by how much sense it made. Both of them kept people alive, but using vastly different methods. And he had respected Rick from the get-go, even when trying to break him.

He pinched the bridge of his nose, massaging his eyebrows.

_God-fucking-damnit_

”You got any tips for me?” he asked gruffly and waved his hand. ”If I want to repair the damage, make it work, all that… you got any tips?”

”Um…” she looked away, lips moving as if she was actually listing stuff in her head. Then she nodded. ”Well, not doing shitty things is a pretty good start”, she said gently. ”Maybe, uh, maybe dial down the creepy threatening a bit?”

”’Creepy threatening’?” he repeated incredulously, then threw his head back and laughed. ”The fuck is that supposed to mean?”

”Well, you kind of, uh, invade personal space and well, you… loom”, she finished lamely.

He was still chuckling when she shrugged.

”Fine, fine. Just, if you notice that Rick seems a bit uncomfortable… maybe back off a little bit.”

He stopped laughing, remembering earlier that day. Rick had sure as shit been uncomfortable. Negan had pushed, angry and frustrated but not at Rick, thinking that they both could fuck the frustration out of their systems. Rick had asked for time. Just some fucking time.

In retrospect he should have just backed the fuck off. Charming Rick’s pants off now would be like running a fucking marathon, he just knew it.

 

* * *

 

It was nearly dark out when Rick finally arrived at the Sanctuary, pulling up outside the gates. He had spent the entire ride worrying about Tara. She never knew how to keep her mouth shut, what if she angered Negan somehow? What if he had kidnapped her to be his new wife? Some sort of twisted revenge when Rick didn’t want to sleep with him earlier?

The thought burned a hole in his chest and he didn’t want to think about why.

He waved to the guards and they opened the gates, watching as he drove in and parked it among the other vehicles.

One of the guards, obviously a former fan of punk rock, snickered as he got out.

”If it isn’t Negan’s fucktoy! Are you here to brighten his mood?”

The other guy, a stocky man with a beard, nudged him hard.

”Do you have a fucking death wish? Shut the fuck up”, he growled but the other shrugged.

”Jeeesus. I was just making conversation”, punk guy replied, grinning from ear to ear. Rick stared up at the both of them, noting that there was actually no malice radiating from the punk guy. ”Hey. If you’re here for Negan, I can take you to him.”

”I’ve been here before”, Rick replied, frowning as the man walked up to him anyway.

”Yeah, I believe you. I’ll come with you though, just in case.”

”In case of what?” Rick wanted to know as they started walking at a brisk pace. Punk guy scratched his neck, grimacing.

”In case of anything, really. In case you fucking fall over and get a bruise. The boss will go spare.”

The walked in silence until they reached the door.

”Well, good luck”, punk guy said and knocked politely on the door.

Negan opened and the sight of him sent a physical reaction of relief through Rick’s entire system.

”Rick!” Negan beamed. ”What a _wonderful_ fucking surprise!” He caught sight of punk guy, because he grinned and nodded to him. ”That’ll be all, Jeremy. Have yourself a nice night.”

”Thanks sir. Goodnight.” Jeremy walked away and Negan and Rick were left staring at each other.

It was right then that Rick noticed the blood on Negan’s clothes.

”What happened?” he asked hoarsely, remembering the smears of blood on Negan’s face after Spencer had been murdered. The randomness of Olivia’s death. ”Where is she? Where’s Tara?”

 

* * *

 

Negan leaned back, a teasing smile playing on his lips.

”No kiss?” he said lazily, watching Rick’s eyes dart around, following the blood spatters on his clothes, his face growing ashen. ”Hey, hey. Calm down, she’s inside”, he said gently, stepping back to allow him entrance. Rick hurried inside, visibly relaxing at the sight of her.

”Jesus…” he sighed, rubbing his face. Negan was grateful he barely flinched when Negan put his hands on his shoulders, guiding him down into the chair next to him. He offered no resistance, even accepted the whiskey that he pressed into his hand.

”Why did you take Tara here?” he asked.

”Why not?” Negan replied lightly. ”She’s a _beauty_.”

Rick looked away and Negan looked down into hos glass to avoid Tara’s accusing stare.

”Because I know about alphas and omegas”, she said dryly, ignoring Negan’s murderous look. ”That’s why he wanted to talk to me. You’re welcome to talk to me too, _of course_ ”, she added pointedly.

Negan took a sip, then grinned, annoyance vaporizing.

_Why the fuck not? Why. The. Fuck. Not._

”Ok, let’s fucking get to it!”

Rick looked shell-shocked, like he wanted to be anywhere but here, but didn’t pull his hand away when Negan took it, intertwining their fingers.

”Think of it as couple’s therapy”, he said with a devilish grin to Tara, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. ”I’ll start. I’ve had a really weird _sexual_ dream about my bondmate here.”

He looked from Tara, who was turning a nice shade of red, and Rick, who looked like he was about to faint or die or possibly both.

”Thoughts?” he prompted sweetly, taking another sip of whiskey. He expected it to be the bond, maybe it was serving them hot stuff to get them to mate more frequently or something.

”Uh. Well. Uh. The, uh, _those_ dreams, well, if they’re not the usual kind, that is…” Tara began, words falling out of her mouth like random building blocks.

”Oh, it wasn’t. _Definitely_ not the usual kind. This was different. Go on”, Negan interjected.

”Well…” Tara swallowed, deeply uncomfortable. ”In long-distance bonds, one of the more, um, _common_ things to occur is, um, called Projecting.” She stared down at the hands in her lap, fingers nervously twisting around each other. ”It’s when one, um, kind of pull the other into a fantasy and, um, well… it would only work if one was awake and the other asleep. The, uh, projection would manifest as, um, one of those dreams. I suppose”, Tara finished quietly.

Negan’s thoughts raced. His mouth was dry and excitement thrummed in his veins.

_Motherfucker._

So Rick wanted to… _holy mother of fuck._

He slowly turned his head to look at Rick, smiling with his tongue resting in the corner of his mouth.

 

* * *

 

Rick was mortified. Tara’s words put it all out there, and what’s worse, Rick had involved Negan, the real Negan, in what he thought was a private fantasy. His own safe space where he could explore all he wanted to. And now Negan knew..! Had felt all that.

He licked his suddenly dry lips and looked away, unable to meet the dark gaze boring into him.

A thumb began to gently rub the back of his hand in soothing circles until he dared to glance at him. To his surprise he found no mocking there, no scorn or aggressiveness. Only curiosity and lust. Sure, there was a predator pacing behind those dark eyes, but there was also unexpected tenderness that made his breath hitch.

He expected Negan to boast about the details until Tara ran screaming from the room, but he didn’t do that either. Just sat there silently watching him like he was the most fascinating thing in the whole world.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI BABIES! The move is officially done, which is great! Still have loads of things to do and sort out but yaaaay back to writing! I hope you like this chapter! Please tell me what you think..! Negan is still a psycho, that won't change anytime soon, BUT, bless our brave little toaster, he might be coaxed to behave like a decent human being once in awhile. Maybe. 
> 
> *throws Rick at him and runs away* 
> 
> Next chapter will have smut, I promise. <3 <3 <3
> 
> ____
> 
> EDIT: laundy made this super gorgeous illustration of the ending scene in this chapter! Check it out, it's spot on and beautiful! (づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ
> 
> http://laundy.tumblr.com/post/158141399699/hi-this-is-a-drawing-request-so-i-know-you-read


	13. 33 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looks like it's smut o'clock! Who wants a nice, tall glass of Negan/Rick?

 He sensed that he had to play it really carefully from here. Embarrassing Rick had been the idea, yes, but not to this extent. Mentioning the wet dream had felt like enough to put a blush on that pretty face, but when he realized that the dream had actually been Rick’s fantasy? That all of that had taken place in Rick’s fucking pure-as-snow thoughts?

_First of all, hot as shit._

He tried to remember the details in the dream, and recalled how Rick willingly rubbed his face against him, taking his sweet time getting to his dick. _Fucking shy_ , he realized with a shiver of anticipation. Maybe he hadn’t given a blowjob before? After the bonding Negan knew Rick hadn’t been fucked before, but he had assumed that he had some kind of experience with man on man action.

He frowned, recalling how clumsily Rick had touched his dick when he tried to lube him up.

_Right. Shit. Fuck._

No fucking wonder Rick had asked for more time. And what had he done? Tried to twist his arm.

_Shitfuck. Well, first thing’s first._

Wanting to spare Rick further humiliation, he cleared his throat.

”Tara, you’ve been really helpful. Thanks, I really fucking appreciate it. Look, Rick and I have some things to discuss. Arat should be just down the hall. She’ll set you up with a room for the night”, he said.

Rick immediately got up.

”No, we gotta get back. We’re leaving tonight”, he said, refusing to look at Negan, who stood up right next to him.

”Like hell you will. Not fucking happening.”

He stepped closer until he could brush his lips against Rick’s temple with only a head tilt. Rick tensed but didn’t move away. His eyes were a beautiful mix of blue and green, at the moment darting from one spot to the other, plainly avoiding Negan’s hazel eyes. Negan blinked slowly, inhaling his scent, a tempting mix of lust and vulnerability.

”Look”, Negan said, keeping his voice a low murmur meant only for them. ”You’re not going anywhere.”

Rick’s lips trembled and Negan longed to kiss all that anxiety away.

”Not ’cause I want you – though fuck knows I do – but because it’s not safe. Once it’s daylight outside you’re good to go.”

Rick visibly relaxed at that, and the temptation to tease him became too much. Negan gave him a slow smile, tilting his head as if coaxing him to smile back. Leaning back slightly as if in invitation.

Rick looked up, confused by the display.

”And whatever happens tonight happens”, Negan added in a throaty rasp, dropping his gaze to Rick’s lips and then up again to meet his eyes.

Rick’s eyes widened and his neck turned crimson. He looked down, hands on his hips and shifting his weight from one foot to the other, noticeably uncomfortable. Negan chuckled and scratched the light stubble on his chin. He threw a look over his shoulder at Tara, who hovered by the door.

”You still here?” he asked lightly and she impatiently mouthed a word at him before exiting the room. When she closed the door behind her he realized that the word was ’loom’. He reluctantly took a step back to give Rick some space. It went against every impulse that assaulted him on a daily basis, the ones that insisted that he all but draped himself over Rick, crowded him, covered him.

Fuck, sometimes he felt like he couldn’t get close enough. As mouth-watering as as Rick’s scent was, he didn’t smell enough like Negan. He wanted their scents mingled, wanted anyone who came sniffing around to get a noseful of alpha dick.

For now he hung back, admiring his mate shamelessly. Rick watched him warily, careful not to make eye contact. Shifting, rubbing his hands.

Negan sat back down, putting his feet on the table and leaning back with an air of supreme relaxation.

_Look at me motherfucking not looming._

”Sit down and relax”, he said, nodding towards the chair next to him. ”Have a drink. If you don’t want whiskey I’ve got other shit. Tara and I had a couple of glasses already, so you have to catch up.”

When Rick didn’t answer he licked his lips and grinned.

”Unless you wanna skip right to th-”

”Whose blood is that?”

Negan did a double-take, blinking up at Rick. From his perspective the curly hair was haloed from the ceiling lamp behind Rick’s head. His eyes were shadowed but the strong jaw and full lips were tense. He looked like some kind of angel of judgement, sans a flaming fucking sword.

”The fuck are you talking about?” Negan said, annoyed with being distracted from his current goal, which involved making Rick’s dreams come true in the most un-fairytale way possible.

”You’re covered with blood”, Rick pointed out, looking down at him. ”So whose blood is it?”

_Judgy motherfucking dick-loving angel._

Negan glanced down at himself, at the in his view minor blood stains on his pants and shirt, and shrugged.

”Just some rude asshole”, he said. ”Don’t worry about it.”

Rick said nothing, but his set jaw and curled lip spoke volumes. Negan huffed a laugh.

”Come on, Rick. Lighten the fuck up. The guy’s _alive_.” He licked his lips, grinning slyly. ”Maybe he was right. Maybe you _are_ making me soft.” The grin widened, the corners of his nose wrinkling like a wolf’s muzzle. ” _Wellll”_ , he added, his voice a sultry drawl dripping with suggestions.

Rick turned away, but Negan could see the tell-tale flush stampeding up the back of his neck. Could hear him swallow.

”You _can’t_ keep-”

”Not one of yours, Rick. He’s one of _mine_ ”, he reminded him with just a hint of steel in his voice. ”My house, my rules. _”_

He stood up, noticing how Rick tensed as he walked closer until there was less than an inch of heated air between his chest and Rick’s back. Negan leaned down until his lips was almost brushing the red skin of Rick’s neck. The smaller man shivered but didn’t move.

”But it’s not about that, is it?” he murmured. ”All the bees in your bonnet are buzzing about how fucking _alike_ we are. I’m _you_ on a bad day. And if you lost your kids…”

He whistled low when Rick whipped his head around, pinning him with a wild stare.

” _If_ you ever lost your kids”, Negan repeated in the same soft rasp. ”-you’d be worse than I could ever be. And you know that, don’t you? That’s what keeps you up at night. What you would become without all those people reminding you of who you want to be.”

Words kept flowing from his mouth like venomous caresses. Rick swayed, his eyes haunted.

”The Sheriff. The Peace Keeper. The Good Guy. Against all odds, and people fucking _eat that shit up_. But they’re scared shitless of the other part.”

He paused to blow lightly on the heated skin, delighted at the immediate shiver in response.

”Not me. No sir. I want every fucking part of you. The softy who’ll squeeze out a manly tear for every fucking death, and the badass who’ll tear the throat out of every fucker who messes with his kids.”

”How do-”

”How do I know?” Negan asked, brushing his lips over the tense neck. ”To be discussed, I fucking guess. But I _know_. You tore a guy’s throat out with your goddamn _teeth_.”

Rick’s head bowed down, shoulder slightly hunched up, and Negan snaked an arm around his waist. Pressing them close.

”Cut that shit,” he said softly. ”It was one of the most _amazing_ things. Fucking _magical._ I’ve never met anyone who protects their group the way you do. There’s always a limit, always a fucking price tag. Not with you. And that’s fucking hot.”

He chuckled.

”I’m gonna take a shower.”

He loosened his grip and stepped back, gratified when Rick turned with him as if resisting the physical distance. Negan shot him a grin when he caught himself and straightened up.  
  


* * *

  
Rick watched Negan disappear into the bathroom and sank down into his chair, his thoughts running wild. He felt naked, exposed. How much did Negan know? And how?

Negan’s words still rolled in his head like storm clouds, dark and forbidding.

_We’re nothing alike. We’re not._

But the thought felt hollow. He rubbed his face, trying to make sense of what he felt, but even defining any of the emotions felt a lot like watching the spinning eye of a washing machine, trying to make out a single piece of clothing in the chaotic swirl. Negan’s arm around his waist had felt like an anchor, and _that_ scared him.

He knew nothing about the man Negan used to be. Nothing apart from the baseball bat-wielding psychopath who had attacked his group. Murdered without a second thought while cracking jokes. There was more to him, Rick knew that, otherwise he wouldn’t be able to gather and keep a community as large as the one he had. Arrange a system, a set of rules. Some kind of framework, flawed as it might be, that kept people alive.

As far as Rick knew, Negan had no family left. Nothing to keep him human. For him the deaths of his men was math, nothing personal. So from his perspective, killing only two of Rick’s people might have seemed reasonable, maybe even _generous_ to him.

He massaged his eyelids with thumb and forefinger, trying to rub away the swell of anxiety. He could only imagine how damaged Negan was to be so numb to everything around him, how _cold._ And somehow still connected enough to occasionally be insightful. Which, of course, he used to manipulate people.

And yet… something had changed in the past few days. He didn’t know if it might have happened anyway given enough time, but the bond was speeding it up, pushing them both to bend. Negan was clearly trying. _Feeling._ And that was something. If it was going to be a tug of war between them, between their different paths, he thought he might have a good chance of winning Negan over.

_”I want every fucking part of you.”_

He was ashamed to admit that he actually found comfort in those words.

He grabbed the glass on the table, taking a gulp rather than a sip of whiskey, grimacing as it burned its way down his throat.

For some reason, and he had to find out _how_ eventually, Negan knew about the incident with Carl and that biker gang, and how Rick had… he clutched the glass with both hands, trying to keep them from shaking. He hated that memory, hated how Carl had looked at him afterwards. Even Michonne and Daryl had looked at him differently. _He_ had looked at himself differently, wondering if he was fit to be around people anymore. If he could call himself human. Of course he had decided to put it behind him, he _had_ to, if only to be able to move forward.

Michonne and Daryl understood and tolerated.

Negan _accepted_ it as part of Rick. And that acceptance was seductive, a balm on his own self-hatred in weak moments.

He took another large gulp of whisky, another burn, another grimace. The glass he put back on the table was empty. He didn’t normally drink whiskey, not even pre-end, in fact the only person he used to know who drank it was Lori’s father… but as Rick put the empty glass down he suspected that was not how you drank whiskey.

His thoughts zeroed in on the sound of running water. It sent a ripple of heat through his stomach, and his mind wandered back to his fantasy. Had Negan really felt all that? After Tara’s revelation he had expected Negan to torture him but other than a few light innuendos the alpha had done nothing. Why? He had expected a heavy hand on the back of his neck, pushing him to his knees… the thought sparked equal parts apprehension and desire. That it hadn’t happen filled him with both relief and disappointment. But why was Negan holding back?

_”You’ll have to fucking beg me. You’ll have to crawl for it.”_

Negan’s words slithered through his memory and he recoiled. Negan couldn’t mean that.

Without thinking, he stood up, gaze darting to the bathroom door which was slightly ajar. Inside the bathroom steam rolled. Maybe…

The door suddenly opened wide and Negan stepped out, a towel hanging loosely around his waist. Rick found himself frozen on the spot when Negan walked towards him, only to blink in confusion when the man walked right past him to the liquor cabinet. Negan shot him a grin full of dark mischief over his shoulder before turning to the selection.

”Gonna have another one. What’s your poison?”

”No thanks, I-”

”Let me guess”, Negan said, as if he hadn’t spoken. ”You’re a bourbon man.” He turned, smile widening. ”Ain’t that right?”

Rick nodded reluctantly. He loved a good bourbon, but never thought he’d get the chance to taste it again. Lori had rarely wanted anything other than white wine. Shane had always wanted his rum, but had at times switched seamlessly to tequila as the night progressed.

He didn’t know why he suddenly thought of them and their preferences. Was he trying to fit Negan into his life in their positions? As Rick’s bondmate Negan’s place was both as his partner and best friend.

_In theory._

But it wasn’t that hard to believe, not when the man handed him a glass of sweet-smelling bourbon, his handsome face washed clean of blood…

_Handsome?_

Rick accepted the glass, quickly taking a sip to hide his confusion. The sweet taste had a lovely burn to it and he savored it with his eyes closed. He heard a low laugh and opened them again, focusing on Negan’s mouth. Had he always had dimples?

Negan re-filled his whiskey glass and sighed.

”Look at you”, he said, half fondly, half teasingly. ”You’re a such a fucking lightweight.”

”Haven’t had any in awhile”, Rick replied, for once not on the defensive. That whiskey must have calmed his nerves. He wasn’t drunk by any means, but his mind had calmed down, his panicking thoughts slowed until he could focus. The fear was replaced by a nervous anticipation. He was deeply aware of the fact that Negan was naked under that towel-

Negan threw his head back, barking out a loud laugh that confused Rick until he realized what he had said. Without thinking he huffed a laugh at that, chuckling quietly while his neck and face heated up in a familiar flush. Negan stopped laughing and Rick looked up, their gazes locking.

Neither of them looked away, both searching for something.

Both finding it, they closed the distance together, lips brushing lightly at first, then more firmly until their lips seemed welded together. Negan was being uncharacteristically gentle, and Rick dimly wondered why as he reached up with his free hand, cupping the broad jaw, the stubble pricking the palm of his hand, sending goosebumps up his arm.

Negans hand came up behind him, grasping his neck, holding him firmly in place. Rick gave a shaky sigh, opening his mouth to receive Negan’s invading tongue.

The towel slid to the floor and Rick glanced down, unwittingly breaking the kiss. Negan was already hard, thick shaft standing between them. The sight of it sent a shock of arousal through Rick and he felt himself growing harder in response. He glanced up at Negan, surprised to see that the man was watching him through half-lidded eyes. He took Rick’s drink and put both that and his own on the table, then returned and pulled him close.

”Bit over-dressed?” Negan murmured against his lips. Rick nodded jerkily and fumbled with the buttons of his shirt, managing to get it off between kisses. Negan worked his belt open, pulling his pants down his hips. Halfway down his hips both of them got distracted by each other’s naked skin. Rick dipped his head, pressing his face against the coarse hair on the tattooed chest, inhaling his scent. Negan’s hands roamed over Rick’s naked shoulders, his neck, the top of his head.

”Fuck, you smell good”, he growled and Rick moaned softly against his chest.

Oh god, he wanted to… he really really wanted to… he licked his lips and cast a furtive glance up at Negan. The larger man’s gaze was so scorching he felt it like the lick of flames over his skin. Strong fingers crept up the back of his neck and settled in a firm grip, gently but firmly guiding his head down. Tired of fighting his instincts, he let his knees bend and sank down until he was kneeling, resting his forehead against Negan’s stomach.

He swallowed hard, nuzzling the dark hair. His hands settled on the muscular thighs for support.

The fantasy had nothing on reality. The reality was the strong scent of his alpha’s arousal that made his own dick pulse in response. The reality was fingers combing through his hair, stroking it, calming the nervous flutter in his belly.

He let one hand slide over and touched it, held it. Finally began to connect the dots, to think of how he liked to touch himself, and adjusted his grip to stroke it more firmly. It was long and thick, hot against the palm of his hand.

His eyes fluttered shut as he finally leaned in, nuzzling it, holding the hot length against the side of his face. Moving his lips against it, mouthing it gently.

A choked groan from above startled him and he quickly looked up. Negan stared down at him, and for just a second Rick misinterpreted the bared teeth and molten gaze for anger. He began to withdraw and the grip on his head tightened.

”Keep going”, Negan rasped in a you’re-not-going-anywhere-way, a warning tone that sent a hot thrill down Rick’s spine. He kept looking up at him as he slowly leaned in and opened his mouth, pushing his tongue out.

Hesitated.

Then pressed it to the underside of the glistening head. Moving it slowly back and forth. He moaned softly at the taste, so much more delicious than in his fantasy. The fingers in his hair tightened convulsively and he closed his lips over the head, giving it an experimental suck.

”F- _fuck_ ”, came the stuttered rasp from above, and Negan’s reaction set fire to Rick’s own. He sucked it into his mouth as far as he could, moaning around the thick length.

”Ah shit…! Yeah, yeah, _fuck_ , keep going… so good, you’re doing so good, baby…”

The praise went straight to his dick and he slid one hand into his pants to stroke himself as he set a clumsy rhythm. Negan’s trembling hands guided his head in a steady pace and Rick tried to relax his jaw, tried to allow for as much of it as possible. His tongue moved hungrily across the underside, against the head, hunting every drop of pre-cum.

Pushing it in as deep as it could go, he tried to take it deeper still and gagged, eyes tearing up as he coughed. Negan’s grip immediately softened.

”Shit baby, too much?” he said throatily, supporting his head as he gasped for air.

Rick shook his head, not trusting himself to speak. Instead he rested his head against Negan’s thigh for a moment, catching his breath while eying the hard dick hungrily. Before he could breathe properly again, he was already back to licking and sucking on the taut flesh, moaning wantonly around it.

”Rick..! Fuck, _fuck! Rick!”_ Negan grounded out, fingers digging into Rick’s scalp.

”Fuck, you’re gonna make me..!”

Negan made a move as if he was going to pull out, but Rick held on to his hips, taking it deep. He was so close himself, right on the edge, and when Negan’s guttural moan turned into a roar he felt the tremors of his own release. His mouth filled with hot seed and he swallowed and swallowed, licking and sucking until he gave a muted groan and spilled in his hand.  


* * *

 

  
Negan had to steady himself against the wall, fingers buried in the sweaty locks of his bondmate. He looked down, mind still reeling from the intense pleasure. Rick looked up at him in a daze, half-lidded eyes for once regarding him with perfect trust. His swollen lips were bright red and wet, a string of seed connecting his bottom lip with the half-hard cock he cradled against the side of his face. With a preoccupied, dreamy look, he turned his head and brushed a kiss against the shaft.

Negan shivered, unable to take his eyes off him _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *flicks on the light switch*
> 
> THIRSTY ANYONE? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧
> 
> *dodges shoes, tomatoes and popcorn*
> 
>  
> 
> I hope you liked it, babies! Please let me know what you think, I adore every comment! <3


	14. 32 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More smut and feels! Because the course of true love never did run smooth, or whatever.

A couple of minutes passed, and the only sound was that of their ragged breathing. The silence was comfortable, dazed as if they both tried to catch their bearings.

Then Negan tugged gently at Rick’s hair, and Rick took the offered hand and rose to his feet a bit unsteadily. Reality started to seep in between the cracks and he shivered, feeling as if he was hovering on the edge of an abyss. He wanted to stay in the mindless lust-filled haze, didn’t want to look too closely at his actions here. When the weight of his responsibilities returned to him he feared he’d be crushed.

He found himself pulled into a tight embrace and he let himself be held, let the strong arms shield him from reality a little while longer. The sensation of skin to skin contact, of the mingling of their scents and body heat, felt _right_ to the bone. His nose found a perfect fit in the hollow above Negan’s clavicle and he sighed as the tension abated. A hand slid up the back of his neck and held it in a firm, warm grip that secured him in that fragile frame of mind.

How long they stood like that he couldn’t say, but when Negan started to walk them towards the bed he felt himself drifting back into place.

His first impulse was to struggle, but he didn’t. Instead he tried to follow his instincts, instincts that were outlined increasingly clear in his mind. The more he accepted them, the less they seemed like an insidious whisper in the back of his mind and instead solid advice. The more he trusted them, the more they guided him right.

He looked up at Negan as the man gently pushed him down on his back and proceeded to take a firm hold of his pants.

”Now let’s see what I can do for you…” Negan purred and pulled Rick’s pants down past his hips in one go, jolting some thoughts back in Rick’s mind.

_Oh! But I…_

Rick cringed, resisting the urge to cover himself as Negan stared at the messy evidence of his mate’s enjoyment. When Negan started to laugh softly Rick looked away, the familiar burn of humiliation sinking in his chest. It evaporated when he felt a warm mouth covering him there. The sudden contact on his over-sensitive skin made him cry out in surprise.

Negan paused and glanced up at him.

”Uh-uh, you don’t get to be ashamed. Do you know how fucking _hot_ it is that you liked it _this_ much?” He dragged his tongue over the wet skin.

_Licking me clean_ , Rick realized with a shiver, jerking and panting whenever the seeking tongue touched a particular sensitive area. He felt himself growing hard again despite the fact that every touch down there bordered on painful. Negan seemed to take the budding arousal as an invitation and took him into his mouth, sucking hard.

The harsh sensation left him gasping for air, feeling absurdly on the verge of coming and crying at the same time, pushing weakly at Negan’s head to dislodge him.

”Nuh- _no!”,_ he choked out, squirming. Negan let go immediately, peering curiously up at his flushed face. ”Too sensitive”, Rick mumbled, embarrassed and a little alarmed when Negan pursed his lips, looking thoughtfully at the hard dick.

”Uh-huh… hey, I got an idea”, the alpha said with a wolfish smile, tilting Rick’s hips up and bending his knees, pressing down until Rick could hold them.

A bit uneasy, Rick stared up at him, wondering what he would do. He felt horribly exposed and vulnerable, the position was almost identical to their first time and he wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.

Two hands on his ass, thumbs parting his cheeks and he felt himself tighten instantly.

”Negan”, whispered hoarsely, and to his surprise he felt a brush of lips against his thigh.

”Relax”, was the soft reply, a gust of warm breath against his tightly clenched hole. Next those lips touched him there in a tender kiss, withdrawing, then coming back, a gentle contact that made him gradually relax. Once he did, some of the soreness seemed to go away with the tension. He found himself leaning back against the pillow, relaxing his shoulders and staring up at the ceiling, losing himself in the sensation.

When Negan gave it a lick he inhaled sharply and jerked his hips. He could feel the vibrations of Negan’s chuckle against his skin. The touch alternated between flicking licks, long drags and a steady, firm pressure that always withdrew _just_ before pushing in… before long he wished it would, raising his hips in invitation.

He glanced at his belly, where his dick left a thin trail of precum. Too sensitive to touch, but he _needed_ to…

Again he whispered his name and Negan responded with a questioning hum, pressing the tip of his tongue against the soft opening. Pushing.

”Yes”, he panted. ”Yes yes, _please_..!”

Negan withdrew, settling back to tease him with gentle, shallow licks. Rick made a sound of frustration and let go of one knee, hooking it over Negan’s shoulder and pulling him in. Negan gave a huff of surprise but Rick could _feel_ the bastard’s smile against his skin.

”Need anything, baby?” Negan cooed, rubbing the slippery hole with his thumb.

Rick couldn’t say it, he just _couldn’t_. The words stuck in his throat. Suddenly afraid that Negan would deny him, he whined low before he caught himself and stopped. It had the desired effect, though. Negan shushed him, rubbing his face against the back of Rick’s thigh.

”Got you, baby. I got you”, he murmured and proceeded to tongue his hole, lick it harder.

Rick closed his eyes in bliss, trying hard to relax that muscle, to let him in… he inhaled sharply when it happened, when Negan’s tongue slid into him. His lips parted on a shaky moan and he felt more than heard Negan growl in response.

The slight soreness only heightened the sensation of being invaded, _claimed._ He panted, squirmed, so very close… reached down to touch his weeping dick, beyond caring if it was too sensitive to touch. The jolt of near pain made him clench and Negan growled, grabbing a firm hold of his hips and driving his tongue in _deeper._

The sensation overload sent Rick over the edge and he yelled, twisting in Negan’s grip as he came.

His head was spinning and he barely noticed Negan getting off the bed and coming back, wiping him off with a wet towel before tossing it on the floor and joining him on the bed. Rick let himself be gathered into his arms and focused on trying to catch his breath, his thoughts.

The easy silence spread out across minutes that stretched into an hour, perhaps hours. Rick was listening to Negan breathing, oddly pleased when it synced his own. He thought that perhaps Negan was asleep, then the big man shifted next to him and he realized that he had to be awake.

”How did you know about the bikers?” he asked, then cleared his throat when it occurred to him that he had actually asked the question out loud.

Negan was silent for so long that Rick started to think he had been wrong and he was asleep after all.

”Dreamed it”, Negan finally said, words short and clipped, as if wrestled from him.

”What do you mean?” Rick prompted, a terrible suspicion forming in the back of his mind.

”I was you. In the dream.”

Now it was Rick’s turn to go quiet. He thought about his own dream, the one where he had been Negan. If Negan’s dream had been true, did that mean the same for Rick’s?

He thought of the woman and her newborn, and how Negan had struggled to save them. He hadn’t seen any children at the Sanctuary at all… perhaps they were kept somewhere else? Someplace more suitable for kids? The thought tasted like a saccharine lie.

Suddenly he realized Negan had said something.

”Hm?”

”I said, have _you_ dreamed anything?” Negan repeated impatiently. Rick hesitated, for some reason not wanting Negan to know.

”Not sure”, he hedged. ”Did Tara tell you about these kinds of dreams? What did she say?”

”She said we’ll dream each others memories. That’s what she said”, Negan told him sharply. He shifted on the bed and Rick did the same, wary of Negan’s mood shift, of the aggressive tone in his every word.

They were on their sides now, facing each other but no longer touching, something that Rick suspected bothered them both. There was no hint of a smile on that face now, nothing relaxed or playful.

Just the dark undertow behind the half-lidded eyes, tugging, threatening to pull him under.

”She said we’ll see what we need to see”, Negan said, voice hard as stone as he was staring him down.

Rick shivered but didn’t look away.

”I dreamed I was saving a pregnant woman from walkers”, he began, his voice a soft rasp as he watched Negan carefully. The alpha was listening and his eyes widened as Rick spoke. For just a moment he looked haunted, but then immediately looking away. ”We made it into a basement, or storage of some kind. Then she went into labor.”

He fell silent. Negan didn’t say anything either, but tension rolled off him.

”Negan? Was she, I mean…”

Negan barked out a humorless laugh.

”Was she my wife? Were we together? Shit. One taste of my dick and you’re already fucking jealous.”

The words stung but he kept his face impassive, refusing to take the bait. Negan huffed at the lack of response, licking his lips.

”She was just a fucking _friend._ A colleague from work. Does that make you feel better, _baby?_ ” The last word was spat out, putting a vicious emphasis on the one term of endearment he used for Rick.

It hurt. Up until now it had been used with at least some kind of tenderness. _Care._ He had to look away for a moment but he thought he managed to keep the hurt off his face, because right now it wasn’t important. Unfortunately it seemed like Negan had picked up on it.

”Fuck, what are you gonna do when one of my _actual_ wives get pregnant, huh? You gonna give me the sad fucking puppy eyes then too? Shit, bet you wish I could put a bun in _your_ fucking oven. Is that it? That’s it, isn’t-”

” _Enough._ ”

Rick’s voice could cut through steel. To his surprise Negan clamped his mouth shut, rearing back as if Rick had punched him in the face. A couple of seconds ticked by then Negan rolled out of bed, yanking on his pants in angry, jerky movements.

”Fuck this, I don’t need this shit”, he muttered. ”Bullshit. Bunch of fucked up fucking bullshit.”

Rick sat up, drawing a knee up and resting his elbow on it. Anger and hurt still rolled through him like thunder but more than that he felt concern. Obviously Negan was deeply uncomfortable with this part of the bond, maybe even more so than Rick. That had to be the reason he lashed out like this. He had to know by now that Rick wasn’t a threat. That was the whole point of the bond, right?

When Negan finished getting dressed without any sign of returning to bed or even look at Rick, Rick cleared his throat.

”Negan.”

The large man had just donned his leather jacket and he halted his movements and tilted his head as if he was listening.

”Did the baby make it?” Rick asked gently.

”Fuck you, Rick”, was the venomous reply, followed by a door slam so hard he thought the thing would come off its hinges.

 

When it was apparent that Negan wouldn’t come back, Rick sank down on his back again. As he stared up into the dark ceiling, he felt exhausted to the core, physically and mentally. There was more to this story than what he had seen so far, he was sure of it, but Negan was not likely to share.

He felt beaten up, like Negan had used his fists instead of his words. He should be thinking about the memory, should be turning it over in his mind looking for clues to understand his mate. And yet all he could think of was _when_ Negan would get one of his wives pregnant. Not if. _When._

He had refused to think about that. Other wives… it should have been a relief, it really should, not to have to deal with Negan alone. It wasn’t. Now the thought was corrosive, eating away at him.

Closing his eyes, he let sleep come. Sinking into the dark was soothing. His mind surrendered to it so quickly it would have alarmed him had he known. 

* * *

 

_I’m such a goddamn fucking idiot._

Why the fuck had Rick dreamed about that, of all things? Definitely one of the top ten memories Negan had zero fucking desire to share and he had hit it bang on.

He swung Lucille in a wide arch, hitting nothing and feeling fucking _impotent_ for it.

Why? Nothing important with that memory. So he lost a work buddy. Big fucking deal.

_But what came after that? Didn’t keep your promise did you? Worthless piece of shit._

He sneered, rubbing his mouth. Put Lucille down, leaning against the wall as he shrugged off his jacked and dropped to the floor in the old storage room. Push ups sometimes made him feel better. Hell, working out in general made him feel better, getting some of the violent energy out of his system. The need to fight was like a hunger, an itch under his skin that he couldn’t get to.

_Wasn’t Rick’s fault. Didn’t have to be such an asshole about it._

He didn’t have to open his fucking mouth and fucking _ruin_ all the progress he made. And he had made some fucking _great_ progress. Rick had been coming all over himself with Negan’s dick in his mouth. In his humble opinion that shit’s good enough to put on his goddamn resume.

They had an honest-to-fuck fucking _moment_. He was sure of it.

But Rick had to bring up those goddamn dreams.

And maybe Negan had been a little defensive. He already regretted bringing up his wives, he couldn’t fuck them anyway, why even have them at this point… and impregnating Rick had obviously been a joke, but on a primal level he liked the thought. Might even be one for the spank bank. Well, thanks to him Rick was fucking unlikely to find it hot.

_Fucking fuckity fuck_

Rick had seemed understanding. At the time he had found it infuriating, but now he was grateful. Maybe he could fix it. Explain. But how could he explain something he didn’t understand himself. He didn’t want to fucking think about it. How much had Rick dreamed about? All of it?

He panted, sitting up and leaning against the wall, resting his elbows on his knees.

_Don’t want to revisit that shit.  
_

* * *

 

_He had been pacing on and off for hours with the crying infant in his arms. Though exhausted, he kept pressing a cold, wet towel to the boy’s feverish skin. He was no longer crying, just barely drawing breath._

_Negan didn’t know what was wrong with the baby, just that he was sick. Some kind of infection. They had no doctor and no medical supplies whatsoever. The small group of people that looked to him as a leader of sorts had left him alone, he assumed out of respect._

_Like the kid was supposed to die or some shit like that. Ridiculous. His mom had been a fighter, and babies were strong weren’t they? He was already two months old._

_”You’ll be fine”, he murmured for the thousand time. ”Just keep fighting. You’ll be fine.”_

_When they boy fell asleep he was grateful. You need sleep to heal, everybody knows that._

_When his skin started to cool, Negan tossed the towel to the side, shifting the grip to place a careful kiss on the small head._

_”Thank fucking God. Your fever’s going down. What did I tell you? You’ll be fine”, he said softly._

_He kept watch, holding the baby while staring out the window. It was a clear night, a full moon casting its cold light over the world._

_When the boy stirred, he had only been asleep for an hour or so. Negan looked down at him, fully expecting to rock him back to sleep._

_The boy looked back up at him, and the full moon was reflected in the thin white film that covered the otherwise blue eyes._

_The second it took for him to process what he saw seemed to last forever._

_No._

_No no NO._

_Not a baby. Not a motherfucking defenseless baby._

_He watched the tiny mouth open and wheeze, a tiny hungry hiss. Something broke in him, or just blinked out of existence. A flickering light got snuffed out in his chest._

_He carried the boy outside and knelt on the grass. Picked up a rock instead of Lucille. Lucille would never bash a baby’s head in._

_It only took one hit._

_When he got to his feet he felt nothing, as if he had been hollowed out._

Rick clawed his way back into the waking world, grateful to be out of the dream. He could still see the infant’s dead gaze when he closed his eyes, and Negan’s numb emptiness echoed in his mind.

He wondered who had filled that space, who had dragged him back into the world of the living, or if Negan still felt nothing. If some part of him was still trapped in that room with a dead baby boy in his arms.

It hadn’t been his, not biologically, he knew that now. But it hadn’t mattered. The feelings Negan had for the baby was as Rick’s feelings for Carl and Judith. Unconditional. Parental. And he had made a promise to an old friend.

He rolled out of bed and made a neat pile of his clothes on the bed before taking a quick shower, the memory replaying inside his mind. 

Ten minutes later he was out the door, intent on finding Tara. It was almost daylight and he had to get back to Alexandria. 

His instincts told him something else, to find Negan.

_Comfort._

 It didn't make much sense to comfort him for something that happened so long ago, but he suspected that nobody had. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OHAI BABIES! (☉‿☉✿)
> 
> I hope you all liked this chapter (although booo Negan for being such a dick)! ANYWAY, we are closing in on the ending. There might be maybe two more chapters or so of this fic. My plan then is to create a fic with one-shots and scenes and stuff that takes place after this fic. Stuff I'll write as inspiration strikes me. 
> 
> Let me know what you think about the chapter in the comments below! I love to hear what hit the mark and such! <3 <3 <3


	15. 53 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *looks at notes, then at delivery box*
> 
> Aw shit, did you guys order comfort food? I'm afraid I only brought this...
> 
> *hands you guys a ticking box*
> 
> What, the ticking? Don't even worry about it, it's nothing reall-HOLY SHIT IS THAT JEFFREY DEAN MORGAN STANDING RIGHT BEHIND YOU WEARING ONLY SUNGLASSES?!!
> 
> *somersaults out the window*

Rick quietly moved through the Sanctuary, keeping an eye out for Tara. Although, if he had to be honest with himself, his mind was more focused on Negan. He suspected the other man wouldn’t be particularly receptive to reason, or even want to see Rick before he was ready to seek him out himself.

Still… _comfort_ , the silent instinct urged, and that was why he was drifting from area to area like a ghost. He never thought he’d see a day when he was concerned about Negan, but here he was, looking for him with worry eating a hole through his resolve. The more he thought about it, processed Negan’s feelings about the whole incident, the more he was convinced that it had been the straw that had broken the camel’s back, that it had been the final thing that had just turned him off to the rest of the world, and that there had been nobody there to turn him back on. People had dragged Rick back to world of the living so often, he was due to pay it forward.

It was more than that, of course. He didn’t know how much was the bond and how much was… something else. Did he actually _like_ Negan now? Sometimes. If it was because of the bond, or if the bond had simply opened the door, he didn’t know.

Nobody approached him, most of them ignored him or even moved away as if he was contagious.

Now and again his skin prickled, a familiar feeling from back when he was a cop and some predator or other watched him. He ignored it out of habit, calm but alert as he moved from space to space. Out of his territory but in his element, he felt no more vulnerable than he had as a police officer walking through a bad neighborhood.

He stepped out in the yard and saw Tara, walking briskly beside Arat, now and again breaking into a half-run to keep up with the stone-faced woman. From the looks of it, Tara was talking and Arat ignoring her with her mouth set in a thin line. He contemplated approaching them. If nothing else, Arat may know where Negan was…

”You’re Rick, aren’t you?”

Rick turned and for a moment he was stumped by the appearance of a beautiful woman in a tight, black dress in the middle of all the industrial grit. Glossy, caramel-colored hair perfectly framed her angular face. Large, bright eyes watched him evenly, full lips pursed as a ringlet of smoke drifted between them. The realization hit him like a punch to the gut.

_A wife._

_Hate her._

The intense feeling of pure, undiluted hate took him by surprise and he took a step back, afraid that he’d find his hands around her throat. She seemed to mistake his retreat for vulnerability because her eyes flooded with warmth and concern.

”Hey, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot or anything. Just… we all stick together”, she said gently. ”Just thought I’d introduce myself. You’re not alone.”

His hackles raised and he had to bite back a venomous reply. Sticking together? Like he was part of Negan’s fucking _harem_?

He knew he was out of line, knew that he should grasp the offered hand of friendship with both hands. His instincts downright scared him now, he had never been this jealous, not even with Lori and Shane. His first reaction had always been, in Lori’s words, _passive-aggressive_.

Had Negan been fucking his wives all this time? Even after he and Rick bonded? No reason for him not to.

_”What are you gonna do when one of my_ _actual_ _wives get pregnant?”_ Negan’s voice taunted him from memory.

_That fucking asshole._

The instinctual hatred against the woman before him morphed with the rising anger towards Negan and formed a red-hot blade of rage in his chest, cutting him from the inside. Every thought and mental image was a new excruciating gash, bleeding out in conflicting impulses.

The woman seemed to finally catch on that he wasn’t afraid, that there was something else brewing, and took a small step back herself.

”Uh… I think I saw him heading down to the storage rooms a while ago”, she offered meekly, gesturing with her cigarette over her shoulder.

His mind immediately lit up like a Christmas tree, one sordid image of her and Negan after another, going at it in the basement. He rubbed his face, trying to get a hold of himself, then walked past her. Had to make a conscious effort not to shoulder-bump her aside. Ashamed of himself, he offered a muttered ’thank you’ before heading in the direction she indicated.

”Anytime”, was her soft reply.

As he walked through the winding corridors with no real aim or thought other than to find Negan, he tried to shake himself out of a state of mind that was unfamiliar and frightening. Jealous rage… the closest he had experienced was the fight with Shane, and that was more about them battling it out than anything else. This was different. He felt poisoned by it. The fury was like a scorpion’s tail in the back of his mind, poised to lash out.

To be _comforted_ by one of his wives.

Just the memory of it ignited his mind once again and whatever control he had managed to gain over himself went right out the window.

 

* * *

 

 

Negan was seething. He _hated_ feeling vulnerable and he could just imagine Rick preparing one of his fucking pep talks, like Negan was one of his fragile fucking puppies needing a goddamn cuddle every time the shit hit the fan.

Was that what the fucking bond would do? Fucking _showcase_ his weakest moments to Rick, to show him that he had a fucking heart or whatever the fuck Rick obviously needed to know?

He honestly didn’t know what pissed him off more. That _that_ was what Rick needed to see, or that the bond fucking enabled it in the first place.

_I swear, if Rick’s gonna walk up with fucking fortune cookie life wisdom bullshit and a hug…_

He gritted his teeth when he picked up Rick’s scent, getting closer. He rose to his feet, narrowing his eyes at the door. Lips curling in the beginning of a sneer, then fading as he caught the unusual undercurrent in Rick’s scent.

_Rage._

_What the ever-loving fuck?_

Then Rick stepped inside and damn if his expression did not match his scent. The blue eyes reminding him of that half-inch of a zip lighter flame, aimed at him as if it could scorch the flesh right off his bones.

_The fuck did I do now?_

He answered himself instantly.

_What the fuck didn’t I do? Shit._

He felt his lips stretch into a smile, a smug invitation. Oh, whatever this was, it was a motherfucking _mile_ better than fucking pity. When Rick closed in on him, walked right up to him until he had to crane his neck to keep eye contact, he felt a thrill right to the bone.

He licked his lips, taking in the glorious sight of his furious mate.

”What’s going on, Rick?” he purred. ”You loo-”

” _Shut the fuck up.”_

The words were a hoarse growl, every syllable vibrating with as much fury as his scent. Negan’s eyebrows rose and he leaned back. It felt like leaning back from the heat from a furnace.

”Did you just drop the fucking _f-bomb_ on me?” he asked lightly, and couldn’t hold back a cringe when Rick hissed in a breath through clenched teeth.

”Listen to me closely”, Rick said and Negan found that those zip lighter eyes had him pinned. ”You do not have _wives_ anymore. You have _me_. Is that fucking clear?”

In the silence of the room – or was it his head? – he could have heard a spider cough.

Understanding dawned slowly. Was _that_ what this was all about? Initial annoyance gave way to smug satisfaction.

”Rick Grimes. Are you _jealous?_ ” He made no effort to keep the purr out of his voice. Rick’s chin pushed out and his nose crinkled in a sneer.

” _Is. That. Clear?_ ”

Negan pursed his lips, wanting to milk the moment. Nobody had ever been that possessive about him before, not even Lucille. He kind of liked it. Still…

”No can do, darling. I made those lovely ladies a sacred promise, and I intend to keep it”, he said, putting his hand over his heart in a gesture of love so insincere it grated on his own nerves. ”You’re my _bond mate_. That’s special too”, he added, more condescending than he had meant, and he was surprised to see pain flare up in the middle of all that fury.

_It hurts him?_

He had assumed it was about the humiliation, nothing else. What others saw. The pain confused him, set his teeth on edge. Like he had _failed_ , somehow. Why would he be hurt? Unless…

_He cares?_

Before he had time to pick at the thought, he was jerked back to the moment by Rick’s voice.

”You want to keep your wives?” Rick’s voice was level, but so cold it sent prickles all over his skin. ”Then _do it._ ” The voice rose and hit Negan’s senses with the force of a sledgehammer. ”Fucking get them pregnant!” The pain and anger in Rick’s voice _flayed_ him, the sense of failure rumbling through his mind.

Something hard and unyielding hit his back. The wall?

_I’ve been fucking_ backing away _?_

Unused as he was to backing down, the realization sparked instant anger and he focused on Rick, locking eyes with him in a stare down.

”Now hold on just a _fucking_ minute”, he said, simultaneously pissed off and impressed that Rick showed no sign of backing down. He leaned forward until there was less than an inch of air between their noses.

_No fucking looking down now, huh?_

”That wasn’t part of the deal now, was it?” he asked. A brief look of bewilderment muddled Rick’s mask of anger, and he plunged on. ”I fucking gave you guns, I let Daryl go, let fucking _Alexandria_ go. Here I am, bending over backwards for you and you can barely put out.” Rick’s eyes widened. Instinct told Negan to shut his goddamn mouth, but as he had never had that ability, he just kept talking. ”Shit, Rick. The amount of work I have to put in for one blowjob, you’re fucking surprised I need my wives to sweeten the deal?”

_Shut your fucking mouth before you ruin everything._

Anger drained from Rick’s expressive features and was replaced by… nothing.

”Keep them.”

Negan didn’t like that. No sir, he didn’t like that _at all._

”Uh-huh. What this, are you trying some reverse psychology bullshit on me now, Rick? That what you’re doing? ’Cause I can tell you right now, it’s not working.” He underlined the words with a grin, one that Rick didn’t return.

”No, I mean it”, Rick said in that soft, hoarse voice of his. ”Keep them. You’ll need them.”

_What?_

Rick turned to leave and Negan’s hand shot out to grab him by the arm.

”What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” he said, mouth in a grim line. He sure as fuck didn’t like the way Rick tensed to his touch.

”I know where we stand”, was the emotionless reply.

_Not emotionless_ , his instincts supplied helpfully. _Not by a long shot._

Fuck, he had to do some damage control, and quick. What the fuck was he supposed to say? He wasn’t good as shit like th-

”You have your harem. Maybe I’ll get my own.”

And just like that his brain short circuited. His grip hardened and Rick sent him a heated look full of defiance and just enough fear for him to taste the blood in the water.

_He_ should _be afraid. He should be fucking terrified._

”What the _fuck_ did you just say to me, Rick?” he asked, his tone deceptively calm and even. Rick nodded, shifting his weight.

”Oh, I think you heard me.”

”Yeah. I did.” Negan licked his lips and leaned in close. ”If you think I’m gonna let that shit fly you are _severely_ fucking mistaken.”

Rick said nothing and the silence thrummed with tension.

”Rick. Do I need to remind you who’s in charge?”

He saw the tremor go through his mate’s body and he _hated_ it. Hated that they were slipping back to this. And he couldn’t follow through, refused to toss Rick across the floor like a fucking skipping stone, or punish fuck him against the wall, or any of the things that crossed his mind as he was staring him down.

Finally, _finally_ Rick dropped his gaze and Negan let him go. Just like that Rick took a step back, looking right back up at him again with the same red-hot defiance as before.

Without another word, Rick left the room. Negan felt like he had lost, but fuck if he knew how, or why.

 

* * *

 

 

Tara was still in the yard when Rick caught up with her. She gave him a look of concern and he wondered how obvious it was that he was upset.

”Hey, are you okay?” she asked and he nodded.

”Let’s go”, he replied shortly and within minutes they were driving through the gates. Tara accelerated and they drove in silence for a few minutes. Rick was deep in thought.

What the hell had possessed him to come at Negan like that? To yell at him, to be so damn… unreasonable. It wasn’t like him at all.

Negan’s words had cut to the core. So Rick didn’t just… his mind skittered to the side before landing on the words Negan had used… ’put out’ that often. He had just wanted a bit of time, was that so terrible? And apparently the wives were there to stay. To ’sweeten the deal’ every time Rick failed to satisfy him.

_God, that hurts._

The thought was like acid, corroding him on the inside. How stupid of him, expecting more. One good night, a moment of connection and he just trusted Negan with everything?

And why the hell had he dropped the comment about he himself getting a few lovers on the side? To get a reaction, to provoke some empathy he guessed. Maybe he hoped that Negan would understand how much it hurt. Well, that hadn’t happened.

As soon as the words had left his mouth his instincts started blaring in the back of his mind. It just felt like the worst idea in the history of Rick Grimes, to insinuate that he would look for something outside of the bond. Why would he? He actually didn’t feel like it.

Negan obviously did.

”Wanna tell me what happened back there?” Tara asked gently.

”I was… I was going to comfort him. For a bad memory I dreamed. I meant to anyway.”

”So, did you comfort him?”

Rick groaned, rubbing his eyes hard with the palm of his hand.

”Guess not”, she muttered. ”Then what happened?”

Rick told her. At first she said nothing, just shook her head a few times during the story and sighed.

”I’m such a goddamn idiot”, he finished, leaning his head back against the headrest.

”You’re both goddamn idiots”, she said finally. ”Why would you even argue about that?”

”I know. I know. Look, I know it doesn’t make sense to be jealous but for some reason I _do_ care.”

”Not _that_. Of course you care.” She shrugged. ”But since you can only ever, um, get it up for each other now, it just seems like a stupid thing to argue over. I don’t see why Negan wouldn’t just, I don’t know, arrange something else for his ’wives’ or whatever…”

Rick’s brain latched on to one particular part of her words.

”What do you mean ’can only get it up for each other’”? He turned towards her in his seat and she glanced at him before turning her focus back on the road.

”What do you think I mean? Don’t make me spell it out for you”, she snapped, red-faced. ”Bond mates only go for each other, everybody knows that.”

When Rick went silent and leaned back again, she glanced at him.

”Look, bond mates are also very possessive. Both sides are. Your reaction is actually a pretty good indication that you have accepted the bond.” She made an impatient noise. ” I swear, you two shouldn’t be allowed to talk to each other without a referee. Basically, you both would have been red-carded out of the conversation.”

He huffed a laugh, but it had a desperate ring to it.

”Do you… do you think it’s too late?”

”Are you kidding me? You’re bonded. There’s no walking away from it, so you better work it out.”

When he didn’t reply she reached over and patted him on the shoulder.

”Hey. For what it’s worth, I bet he’s wondering the same thing.”

 

* * *

 

 

Negan’s mind was reeling and he struggled to compose his thoughts. Things had just gone fucking sideways in a matter of minutes and fuck if he understood exactly how. Throughout the entire confrontation he had been pushed off-balance so many times he could barely locate his ass.

Fact was, Rick had been pissed the fuck off when he entered the room. Why? What the hell had triggered that? Who had he been talking to? He mentally filed that away for later. Somebody would fucking pay hard for this train-wreck.

Looking back at the discussion, he tried to pinpoint where he should’ve taken a different route.

Running his hand down his face, he closed his eyes briefly.

_There. Right at the fucking beginning._

When Rick had announced that he didn’t have wives anymore, he had Rick, his first, honest-to-fuck reaction had been ’ok!’. Because how could he resist that? He had barely spared his wives a thought since he realized he couldn’t fuck them, and hearing, fucking spontaneously, from Rick’s own mouth, that Negan _had him._ Well, that was like something straight out of his fantasy. But no, he had to be fucking sassy about it. Milk it a little bit. He expected Rick to insist, maybe ask for it – fuck, as if he didn’t fucking know he only needed to say ’please’ for Negan to fucking fold – but instead he had gone off like a bomb.

Get them pregnant? Was that about his little jab before? Realizing he was backing the fuck away pushed all his alpha buttons and maybe, just maybe, he overdid it a little bit after that.

Recalling what came out of his mouth just there made him cringe. When Rick shut down he had nearly panicked and he really did try to think about how to repair the damage, he really did, and then Rick…

Fuck, just the thought of Rick with others _fried his fucking brain_. Even know he wrestled with all these impulses of just bending him over and reminding him of who his fucking mate was. Of course, his first instinct had been to scare the thought out of Rick’s head…

_How do I fix this?_

Okay, so he had to get rid of his wives. It would be a nice gesture, and a good start.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SOOOOO BABIES! That happened. Um.
> 
> *rereads*
> 
> Yup. Yup. Pretty sure this was not what I had in mind for this chapter. I feel like Rick could have warned me before losing his ever-loving shit like that. FYI Negan agrees.
> 
> Honestly, I thought Rick and Sherry would be BFFs, but yeah. No. Fic!Rick drank a nice tall glass of NOPE to that idea.


	16. 69 fucks were given

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter, babies! Some unexpected shit will go down, so strap yourselves in and try to ignore any blinking red lights...

”Sherry.”

Sherry turned, giving him her usual look of apprehensive suspicion. He grinned, nearly reaching out and putting his hand on her hip out of old habit, then caught himself and hooked a thumb through his belt instead.

”There’s a situation, and I need you to fix it.”

She raised her eyebrows at that.

”What kind of situation?” she asked carefully and there was something in her eyes, something in the way she shifted that raked across his senses, pricked it like tiny claws. His grin faded as he studied her.

”I could waste my time telling you, but you know already don’t you? You know about Rick.”

He took a couple of slow steps towards her and her gaze flittered from him to the door. She visibly swallowed hard and he barked out a harsh laugh.

_Fucking bingo._

”So _you’re_ the reason I got my fucking nutsack ripped off clear out of the blue. What the fuck did you tell him?”

”I just…” She paused, and he realized she was trying to choose her words carefully.

”Just fucking come out and say it.”

”I told him he was not alone”, she said finally and gave him a hard look, as if challenging him to ask her to elaborate. He didn’t have to. He knew she played the role of fucking den mom to his other wives, but it was news to him that she approached them like it was some sort of fucking support group.

When he didn’t say anything she raised her chin more boldly.

”And no, he didn’t seem to take that very well. Didn’t he know about us?”

He had mentioned it, but talked about it? Not really. Maybe because it wouldn’t have been an issue a few days ago.

”Yeah. Yeah, he knew. Fuck it, turns out I can’t have wives _and_ a mate, so…” He grimaced, rocking back and forth on his heels.

”So what happens to us?”

Sherry sounded almost bitter, but there was a shard of fear in there.

”I guess we all get a divorce, which is a fucking tragedy”, he said and she seemed to relax slightly.

”What do you need me to do?”

”I need you to find some good jobs around here for my _ex-_ wives. Something they deserve. Something good. Just run it by me first. Got it?”

She was silent for a moment, giving him a look he couldn’t quite put his finger on.

”Alright. I’ll do that”, she said at length.

”Good. Now get out”, he muttered, grateful when she left. She’d fix it. She was clever and knew his other wives a lot better than he did.

To his surprise he found that he was _relieved_. Fucking _relieved_ to be rid of them. It was one less responsibility. Would Rick be happy? Pissed off? Fuck if he knew why it would make Rick angry, but he was pretty fucking sure Rick could be angry on pure momentum.

How- _fucking_ -ever. He was officially monogamous as shit. Which meant that his assholier-than-thou fucking mate wouldn’t have any reason to get anything on the side either. He needed to tell Rick right away. Hopefully he had used the time to calm the fuck down.

Fifteen minutes later he was no closer to finding Rick and he was beginning to get annoyed. He spotted Arat in the yard, going over stuff on a sheet of paper with a haggard-looking elderly man who scurried off as soon as Negan approached them.

Arat turned her attention to him.

”Have you seen Rick?” he asked pleasantly, but his smile disappeared when she frowned.

”I- sir, he left a couple of hours ago with Tara.” She sniffed. ”Or whatever her name is”, she added with a tight-lipped sneer. Her focus snapped back at him when he spoke.

”What the _fuck_ did you just say?” he exploded and she took a step back, her dark eyes widening in alarm that looked misplaced on her normally stony expression. He didn’t give a shit. ”Who the _fuck_ told you he can fucking come and go as he pleases? Am I running _a motherfucking hotel here?_ ”

”Sir, they, uh… Rick told us you said he could go as soon as there was daylight.” To her credit her voice was steady.

He straightened up, running his hand over his mouth.

_Forgot about that. Shit, I said that. Fuck._

”I guess we’re going to fucking Alexandria. You drive, I need to get some fucking shut-eye.”

They got into one of the cars and he stretched out as best as he could in the backseat, half sitting against the side. Lucille he placed on the floor. Some part of him couldn’t believe Rick had just left.

_Rick Grimes, you cold-hearted motherfucker._

 

* * *

 

 

”Rick, you gotta see this.”

Michonne’s voice sounded agitated, not at all her usual calm self.

Rick looked up from his place on the floor with Judith and Carl, both watching her arrange building blocks and making what she clearly thought was talking sounds. He had just spent some time with his kids after getting back from the Sanctuary.

”We gotta go. _Now”,_ she urged and Rick stood up quickly and gestured for her to lead the way.

”Dad, I’m coming with you”, Carl said quickly and Rick drew his breath to say an automatic ’no’, then thought better of it. Carl needed to be included in important issues and decision-making.

”Ok. Barbara, will you be alright watching Judith for a bit?”

Barbara emerged from the kitchen. She glanced briefly at Rick and nodded, her smile widening when she looked at Judith.

”Of course! We’ll have lots of fun! Won’t we, cutie?”

Judith watched her in silence, then looked up at Rick and Carl, clutching a building block in her tiny hand. She didn’t look happy at all, and Rick knelt quickly and placed a kissed on her blond locks.

”We’ll be back soon, sweetie. Okay? Be nice to Barbara.”

Then they left. A car was parked just outside the house, making it clear that Michonne considered it an emergency. Inside town they were usually just walking. But now they speeded down the street to the other side of the town. She stopped the car outside one of the watch towers.

”Come on.”

While climbing up a sinking feeling of dread settled in Rick’s stomach.

_What now?_

He reached the top, crossing the square space in a few long strides, leaning on the railing beside Tobin, who was already standing there with his gaze lost in the distance.

He spotted it immediately. A black belt stretched from horizon to horizon, moving towards them deceptively slow. Understanding dawned and he fought back a wave of nausea.

_There’s gotta be thousands of them._

”How long do we have?” he asked hoarsely.

”An hour, maybe less”, Michonne replied.

”There’s an old bomb shelter outside of town”, Tobin suggested slowly. ”Hasn’t been used in years and is mostly overgrown by now, but…”

Rick turned to him, a wild hope in his eyes.

”But it just might work,” he filled in. ”Right. Tobin and Michonne, go check out the bomb shelter. Make sure it’s fit for use if we evacuate the town. I’ll talk to people, make sure they spread the word.

Rick spoke to Aaron and Eric, and between them and Carl they went from house to house. Barbara promised to take Judith to the shelter and watch over her, so Rick and Carl made sure word spread. Within twenty minutes the city of Alexandria was rapidly emptying.

_Negan._

There was a knot of worry tightening in his belly with each passing minute. They had to get word to the Sanctuary, but he belonged here with his children, and the people he was responsible for.

Apparently his struggle was obvious because he felt a small hand on his arm. Turned to look into a pair of sincere, brown eyes.

”I’ll go”, Tara said.

Rick shook his head.

”No. No, you won’t. He- _they_ are my responsibility-”

Tara scoffed before he had time to finish the sentence.

”Oh _please._ We’re all each other’s responsibility. You should be here with Carl and Judith. I’ll find Negan.”

”No, I need to find him. I’ll find him, I will”, Rick said, running his fingers through his hair, feeling the time running out the more they talked. Tara’s fingers dug into his arm.

” _Listen”,_ she urged. ”I _know_ you want to find him. I _know_ you need to. But what are you going to do? Leave Carl and Judith here? Take them with you on the road?”

He looked from one side to the other, eyes darting as if he tried to find a loophole, _something_ that he hadn’t thought about. Of course he could do neither of those things.

”I’ll go”, she repeated firmly. ”I’ll take one of the cars and go back to the Sanctuary. I’ll arrive way before the walker belt and they’ll have some time getting to safety.”

Rick took a deep breath, then nodded. _Alright._ He trusted Tara to get to Negan and he trusted Negan to survive if they could warn him quickly enough.

”Alright. Hurry!”

Tara set off towards the cars and Rick wondered if that was the last he would ever see of her.

”Rick. We’ll take the other two cars.” Rick turned to look at Aaron, who looked both haunted and determined. Eric stood beside him. ”I’ll go to the Hilltop. Eric will warn the Kingdom.”

Rick nodded.

”Sounds good”, he said, reaching out to them. They clasped each other’s hands and for a brief moment they just stood there.

Then they let go, and went their separate ways. Too much to see to. Too much to do.

The wind carried the stench of thousands of rotting corpses.

 

* * *

 

 

There was a mad scramble for the shelter. Carl was carrying as much as he could, legs quaking under the weight of food supplies. Suddenly the weight lightened and he looked up to see Michonne shouldering half of it with a wry grin.

”You move about as fast as a turtle with all that”, she said and they started to jog towards the cars parked in the town square where they, along with a few other people, put the supplies. ”Who’s got Judith?”

”Barbara”, Carl panted, unloading food cans into the truck. ”Barbara’s got her. She’s just gonna pick up some stuff from the house and then go straight to the shelter.”

She nodded, then paused.

”What about your dad?”

Carl glanced at her. They hadn’t really talked about her moving out, and this was not the time. As for the reason… he had been surprised when Dad came back with Tara today, just like that. He would have thought it would be harder, that maybe they would have to fight for it.

He had been prepared to. Had even taken one of the guns and prepared to sneak away that very night. If he was honest with himself he wasn’t sure what he could do, only that he had to do _something_. But they had come back, Dad had given him a hug and they had both gone to see Judith.

He wasn’t sure how Dad managed to do it, but since that awful day when Spencer and Olivia were murdered, there had been no deaths. Whatever deal they had struck, it seemed to work so far.

Not that he would ever see Negan as part of the family, bond or no bond. That psycho would always be a threat to all of them.

_No matter how well Dad handles him…_

”He’s… around”, he replied vaguely, not knowing what to say.

Michonne gave him one of her half-shrugs and nudged him.

”Alright. Let’s go!”

 

* * *

 

 

Tara speeded down the forest road, pushing the car to its limits. The engine coughed once, twice and the panel lit up in what seemed half a dozen places. She groaned and let up on the gas, patting the wheel lightly as if it was a living thing that needed to calm down.

”No, no, no!” she muttered as the engine sputtered a few more times. ”Don’t do this to me. Not _now_.” The gas pedal was dead and the car was now moving on momentum alone. Refusing to be a sitting duck, she maneuvered it off the road so that she at least was out of sight when the car died.

No time to waste, she climbed out and opened the hood of the car.

_Ok Dad, let’s see if anything you told me actually stuck…_

As she was shoulder deep in the car’s insides, the sound of a car on the road was at first muffled. As it grew louder, she wondered if she should try to wave it down. Months of bad experiences made her hesitate – strangers are rarely a good thing – and by the time she thought ’well, maybe’ the car had already swept past her hiding spot. With a sigh, she returned to the dead engine.

 

* * *

 

 

Finally, everyone was inside, had been led through winding corridors into the bowels of the bunker. Most people were tucked away, were quietly taking care of each other.

Rick took a deep breath and nodded to himself.

_Okay. Okay._

Carl ran up to him and he pulled his son into a rough hug, running his fingers through dark hair grown way too long. His son’s scent calmed him down, steadied his pulse.

”Let’s go check on Judith”, he said and Carl grinned. They couldn’t see her at first glance, so when they passed Tobin he put a hand on his shoulder.

”Hey, have you seen Barbara?”

”Yeah, I think so”, Tobin replied, turning a bag of apples around trying to estimate the number. He hiked a thumb further into the corridors and rooms. ”Maybe she found a quiet spot further in?”

It made sense to bring a baby as far in as possible, he supposed. In case Judith started crying.

They looked, and at first they joked, laughing quietly, just a little bit high on the feeling of cheating death again. As the minutes went by, they gradually became quiet, hurrying their steps.

_Where are they? Where?_

His omega instincts were frantic, pulse racing under his skin. It affected Carl too, he could see his one blue eye darting wildly from corner to corner in every room the entered.

Finally they ran back to Tobin.

”We can’t find them. Tobin, where did you see them?”

Tobin seemed surprised and scratched the back of his head.

”Well. I saw Barbara before when she went back to your house. And then… I think I saw her going that way earlier…” He pointed at the direction they had been in. ”I only saw her from behind, but…”

Rick felt like he couldn’t breathe.

_No. No no no._

Carl groaned.

”Was it Agnes? They have the same hair, kind of! Could it have been Agnes?” he said urgently. Tobin frowned.

”I guess”, he said slowly. ”But…”

Rick took off, running through the corridor. Anyone he came across he grabbed, asking them if they had seen Barbara. Headshakes, confused looks. Surely she would be further in, maybe?

Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm.

”Rick? What the hell are you doing?” Michonne hissed. ”You’re scaring people.”

”I can’t find Judith!” he replied, trying to push down the panic.

She stared at him, understanding dawned until she looked as horrified as him. The two of them ran on, questioned anyone they met until they had to face the truth.

Barbara wasn’t in there with them. And neither was Judith.

Driven by instinct, Rick ran to the door. He had to get to her, he _had_ to.

A heavy weight slammed into him from the side and he found himself wrestled into a corner. He resisted violently until he realized who he was fighting.

”What the hell are you doing?” he rasped out, groaning when Daryl tightened his grip on his arms.

”Can’t let you do it, man. I can’t”, the other said. ”They’re all over Alexandria by now. If we give away our position…”

They’d be torn to pieces. He knew it.

”I’m sorry, man.” Daryl sounded anguished.

”Dad… dad…” Carl was kneeling next to him. His blue eye was red-rimmed and spilling tears down his freckled cheek. ”We can’t just _leave_ her. We _can’t_.”

”Daryl, let me go. I have to do this. I _have_ to.”

”You _can’t._ ”

Something banged in the distance. A metallic rhytmic banging.

”What the fuck? Michonne!” Daryl snarled and Michonne ran towards the corridor leading to the door.

 

* * *

 

_Bang. Bang-bang-bang-bang. Bang. Bang._

Nagan banged Lucille against the gate, and waited a few seconds.

”Hey! Wakey fucking pakey! Don’t make me knock again!” he called out, still with a smile on his face. When the silence stretched out and the gate didn’t move, the smile dropped and he shifted, sauntering to the tiny gap between the gate and the wall. ”Maybe I should have this fucking thing taken down. Keeps wasting my time”, he said conversationally, pursing his lips at the silence.

It had been so long since he had been ignored, it didn’t occur to him as a possibility anymore. His gut feeling told him that he was talking to nobody, that noone was managing the gate.

Acting on instinct, he grabbed the gate and pulled.

It slid aside easily, revealing an empty street.

Behind him Arat pulled her gun out. He raised his hand and she lowered it reluctantly.

”Easy. They might be hiding.”

It didn’t feel like a trap. If it was, it would have been sprung by now. He stepped inside, eyes searching for any movement or sound at all.

Nothing.

”Get us the walkies in the car”, he said finally. ”You stay here. Keep watch. You see anything, you let me know.”

Arat obeyed and was back by his side in less than a minute, handing him one of the pair. They tested them and he hooked his on his belt.

He sauntered down the street like he was taking a leisurely walk. But on his belt dangled a gun and his knife next to the walkie, and Lucille was resting on his shoulder.

_Fucking ghost town._

It struck him that Rick might have just up and left, evacuated everyone to get away forever. He pushed the thought away. It was overkill, Rick would never do that. Besides, they had been making progress, hadn’t they? If this about the whole wife situation, it was the biggest fucking over-reaction since the fucking flood.

Unless they _were_ all hiding in the houses. Shit-scared of something. The Saviors?

_Nah._

Last time he had walked through it, it had been bustling. Well, maybe not bustling. But he had definitely spotted one or two people. And the gate was always locked. But they had to be in their houses. Where else would they be?

_Guess they saw us coming and locked themselves in their homes, the poor fucks._

He stopped in front of Rick’s house, grinning as he knocked on the door.

Unsurprisingly, nobody answered.

”Rick. C’mon, open up”, he said sweetly, then tried the door handle. ”Alright, I’m coming in.” He used Lucille to push the door open, his other hand resting on the gun at his hip. Old habits.

The only thing greeting him was an empty hallway.

”Rick? You hiding in here?” he said teasingly, but there was an edge to his voice. He was listening for anything. Movements, breathing, _anything_. And he was _looking._ For any signs of trouble, of fighting.

The kitchen door was slightly ajar, creaking gently in the breeze. He frowned, walking towards it slowly, all his senses alert.

Pushed it open. Nothing.

Although…

Further away, there was the wall. And one of the metal parts of the wall seemed slightly bent, leaving a gap…

A muted thud from above him. Followed by the rising wail of a baby.

He turned and ran towards the stairs, taking the steps three at a time. There was no time to think, no choice but following what he _knew._

The wail intensified to a high-pitched shriek of terror and he kicked the door open.

In the corner of his eye there was a pile of torn flesh, of tangled auburn hair. In front of him, directly in his line of vision, was the crib. Judith was clinging to the bars in one corner, shrieking at the top of her lungs. On the other end of the crib, a dead fucker was kneeling, rotting arm reaching through the bars. Skeletal fingers had grabbed the tiny leg and started pulling.

He swung Lucille in a wide arch and she came down viciously on the head, caving the soft skull in. The living corpse sagged, its grip on Judith’s leg slackening.

He immediately turned to the remains of the woman on the floor and cracked her over the head as well. Unseeing eyes ruptured as Lucille did her work ensuring that no additional threat would rise.

He ran his hand over his face, heart thundering in his chest.

”Motherfucking fucking fuck…” he muttered.

_Gonna have to talk to Rick about the shit security of this fucking place!_

A thought hit him like a locomotive.

 _Rick would_ never _leave Judith. No fucking way._

So where was he? He pushed the thought away, focusing on Judith. She was still clutching at the wooden bars, screaming bloody murder.

”Hey… hey hey hey…” he said softly and the words were completely drowned in the hysterical wailing. He leaned Lucille against the wall and bent down to pick her up, carefully prying her leg out of the walker’s grip and checking for scratches, and then even more gently easing her fingers off the bars, which proved to be much more of a challenge. He had to sit down and work on that because she kept gripping harder with her little fingers every time he loosened one grip.

”It’s okay, don’t worry about it… hey, I’ve got good news for you, angel… the big bad dead guy is dead for real now, so you can just let go, okay? Yeah? No? Okay, no pressure, take your time…” He kept his voice as soft and gentle as possible and although the crying didn’t stop, the white-knuckled grip eased up after a couple of minutes and he could lift her up. He cradled her gently to his chest, grimacing at the high–pitched wailing. ”Fuck, that’s a healthy set of lungs you got there, kid”, he said, gritting his teeth at the deafening sound. ”Hey hey, it’s fine, it’s gonna be fine…” he added gently, rocking her as she howled against his leather jacket. He shifted her so that he could shrug the jacket off and she huffed against the white t-shirt. For a moment he thought that she was going to stop, then she hiccuped and started wailing again. This time it had lost it’s hysterical edge and she just sounded sad and angry.

He kept rocking her, pacing the room as he waited for her to calm down.

”Jesus fuck, how do you really feel about it?” he said in a gentle, sing-song voice as if he was asking about duckies and rainbows. ”Hey, don’t worry about it… you handled your shit, angel… yeah, you did… if your dad had gotten you a gun, you would have totally blown that fucker’s head off… yeah, you would… not your fault your dad can be a total fucking dick, no sir…” he murmured, looking out the window with narrowed eyes.

Shit was about to go down, he could feel it.

Judith finally quieted down sprawled against his chest, sniffling quietly. She started making sounds as if she was talking, and every time he responded as if she had, as if he understood exactly what she was talking about.

”You’re right, we gotta get out of here. Something’s seriously fucked up.”

He looked around and saw the basket that Tara had carried around what seemed like a lifetime ago. Underneath toys and baby wipes something else was hanging out. Some kind of baby carrier? It looked like a cross between a small frontal backpack and something a swat team would carry if they were armed with babies.

He picked it up and awkwardly examined it with one hand. Adjustable straps. Perfect.

He carefully maneuvered Judith into the carrier. She made no sound, just watched him sceptically.

”Fuck, that look. You’re gonna rock that attitude when you get older, gonna have to get you a nice gun to back it up with”, he said and chuckled when she didn’t even blink.

”Where’s your daddy, huh? Did he tell you where he was going?” he muttered as he lifted her and carefully strapped the carrier to his chest. She wriggled a bit but quickly settled down, apparently deciding that this particular spot was safer and more comfy than the crib. He put the jacket back on, pleased that he could fit it around the baby carrier. Only just, but it added another layer of protection. Her head was peeking up right over the edge in the middle.

The walkie at his belt crackled to life.

”Sir? Can you hear me? Sir?”

Arat sounded alarmed, which was unusual. He picked up the walkie.

”I’m here. What’s up?”

”Sir, there’s a whole lot of dead ones coming this way. At least hundreds. Could be thousands, I don’t know, I-”

_So that’s why the town is empty._

”Arat. Listen to me. Are they heading towards the Sanctuary?”

”Y-yes. I think so. Yes.”

”You get the fuck out of there _now_. Get the fuck back to the Sanctuary and move everybody down to the fucking catacombs or whatever the fuck it is down there. Stay absolutely fucking quiet until those dead motherfuckers are gone. Anyone makes a fucking noise, I don’t care who, you blow their brains out. Is that fucking clear?”

”Yessir.”

He could hear the car starting. Then:

”What about you, sir?”

He took a deep breath, licked his lips.

”They’re on your side, so I have a few minutes. I’ll be fine. Go. When you get out of the basement in a couple of days or whatever, come pick me up.”

There was a second of silence when he could only hear static and the car engine.

”Good luck,” came her quiet voice, softer than usual.

Unknowingly, he brought a hand to his chest, resting lightly on Judith’s back. Her heartbeat was comforting.

”Just drive. And don’t fucking die”, he said shortly and the walkie went silent.

_Fuck. Ok._

He could hide there, could easily go up to the attic or down in the basement or whatever. Just wait it out quietly. Two problems though: one, there had to be a reason Rick evacuated the town. Probably because that’s a lot of people to stay quiet for long. And once somebody makes a fucking noise…

And two, there was no way Judith would be quiet for so long.

As if reading his mind, he heard a muted whimper from inside his jacket. Yup, he had to get them the fuck out of there. Gripping Lucille tightly in one hand, he drew the knife with the other and made his way downstairs and out the kitchen door into the garden.

Inspecting the hole in the wall, he quickly came to the conclusion that somebody had painstakingly opened a hole just enough for a human being to crawl through.

_Or one of those dead fucks._

It seemed to have been opened from the inside. Creeping through it, he wondered if Rick had any enemies that would come at him in such a shitty, cowardly way.

He could hear them now in the distance, hissing and groaning, shuffling faster as they caught sight of him. He turned, swinging Lucille in a vicious swipe that floored two corpses at once.

Stabbed a third one through the eye.

After a few long minutes, there was a rhythm to it.

_Swing-stab-swipe-stab-stab-swipe-stab-swipe-stab-stab_

He was keenly aware that he couldn’t keep going like that. Judith was curiously quiet, but her small fingers dug into his skin through the t-shirt like tiny fucking kitty claws, so he assumed she was terrified. She had wriggled down until her small head was covered by the jacket.

Every time he had created an opening in the cluster of dead fuckers that kept closing in on them, he ran through it, stopping only when he had to kill a few more to make another opening for them.

_Where the fuck did they go?_

He exhaled sharply in relief when he spotted tire tracks a few yards away in the grass.

No fucking corpses there yet.

He ran as fast as he could and managed to get a few precious seconds of a head start, quickly disposing of any that saw him and tried to follow. The seconds stretched out, he now estimated he had maybe thirty of them seconds, a fucking eternity if spent well.

He followed the tire tracks, refusing to pay attention to burning muscles or the fact that he could taste iron in his mouth.

The tracks stopped in front of what looked like a hill. A car was nearly covered by leaves and foliage. It took a moment for him to realize that the hill had a sturdy metal door, also covered by leaves and hidden from view.

_Thirty seconds._

He banged on the door. Nothing. Banged again. Quietly counted down and listened at the distant groans of hunger. Any second now he would have to run again.

Judith shifted restlessly against his chest but calmed down when he rubbed her back through the jacket.

The door opened just a fraction and a pair of sharp dark eyes stared out at him. A glint of recognition, barely contained hatred. Then she opened the door and stepped aside.

”Get in.”

_Fuck, I could probably shave myself on her voice._

He slipped inside and she closed the door behind them, bolted it shut firmly with several locks.

A few moments of heavy breathing as he caught his breath. Before he had time to say anything she turned and walked away. He didn’t seem any alternative to following her, so he did.

The corridors were dark but they were leading down and eventually they stepped into a large, well-lit cement block of a room. The whispered conversations died down as people turned to look at him. He was aware of what he looked like, covered in blood and gore from head to toe. His pants stuck to his legs, he could feel it dried and sticky on his face and his hands and arms were dripping. Lucille had so many chunks of rotting flesh stuck to her he’d be cleaning her for days.

He gave the people who was openly staring a bright grin that made them turn away immediately.

”So this is where you all went”, he told the black samurai woman, gesturing around the room with Lucille. She gave him a look of utter disgust and he chuckled. ”Where’s Rick?”

She seemed unwilling to answer, shifting before she opened her mouth. Before she could reply there was a commotion from the other room. He narrowed his eyes when heard Rick’s voice.

”Goddamnit, let me go!”

Michonne covered her mouth with her hand, closing her eyes briefly as if in pain. His felt his grin fall right off.

”What the fuck is going on?” he muttered, walking past her into the other room, suprised to see Rick wrestling to get Daryl off, and Daryl fighting to keep him down and pushing Carl away at the same time. None of them actually trying to inflict any damage at all, just… pushing and pulling.

”Hey!” he barked out, banging Lucille lightly against the wall. That got their attention, and they all looked up.

”Negan..!” Rick gasped out, abject relief in his voice, and a shard of desperate hope. He struggled again and this time Daryl let go so he stumbled to his feet. ”I need to go, I need to go out there and get Judith. Will y- will yo-? Will you help?”

_Oh.  
_

The scenario unfolded in his head. Of course Rick would be frantic if Judith was left behind.

It turned out he didn’t need to answer. Judith did it for him. Maybe it was the sound of Rick’s voice, but from the inside of his jacket came a muffled happy sound that seemed to echo around the room.

Everybody went silent. He didn’t say anything either, just carefully unzipped his jacket as Rick hurried forward, his face a pale mask of disbelief and hope.

”Judith..?” he whispered as he got closer and Negan felt her squirming around to turn her head enough to look. Trembling fingers touched her as if Rick was afraid that she would disappear. He reverently kissed the blond locks and she made a few talking noises in response. Out of the corner of his eye, Negan spotted Carl moving closer. The kid had clearly been crying.

He didn’t move, just stood there until Rick looked up. His gaze was steady and calm again, oddly intense as he locked eyes with him.

”Thank you”, Rick said, and the words held so much genuine gratitude it drove away any witty response lingering on the tip of his tongue. He just swallowed hard and nodded. They stood like that, close together with Rick’s nose buried in Judith’s hair, and Negan discreetly nuzzling Rick’s. Then Negan caught sight of Carl again, hovering close with one hand half raised, his eye locked on Judith. Negan wiped his hands on his t-shirt and carefully unclasped some of the straps around Judith until he could easily lift her out. Instead of handing her to Rick he caught Carl’s gaze and the boy hurried forward to take her. Rick reached out and embraced Carl as he was holding Judith, closing his eyes in contentment before letting them go.

Carl held her and Daryl and Michonne, who had been silently watching, walked closer too. Both still glanced at Negan with suspicion, but he thought maybe there was slightly less seething hatred coming off them now.

Not that he gave a single fuck about that. Not as long as his mate was standing so close to him, fucking radiating relief and making him feel like the king of the fucking world.

 

* * *

 

 

Another car engine sounded in the distance and Tara stuck her thumb out, just hoping for the best. She had to get there, she just had to. The car slowed down and she could see Arat’s disbelieving face through the dirty windshield.

But she stopped and Tara climbed into the passenger seat.

”What the fuck are _you_ doing out here?” Arat asked, speeding off.

”Well, see… so there’s this _huge_ belt of walkers, alright, like from one horizon to the other, and Rick sent me to give you guys a head’s up”, Tara began, prepared to elaborate.

”So that’s why the town was empty”, Arat said, and Tara stared at her.

”You were there? Oh man… did Negan see that?”

”Yes. He stayed.”

”But he’ll die!”

”No, he won’t.” Arat’s jaw was set, and she pushed the car to go faster. ”He won’t.”

 

* * *

 

 

They had found a room to hole up in. It might take a couple of days before a herd this big had moved on and Rick spread a couple of sleeping bags on a low metal bed.

Negan stared at the industrial lamp flickering in the ceiling.

”If they had a generator down here… reckon they had showers. I smell like a fucking corpse.”

Rick turned to look at him. He still couldn’t believe that Negan had shown up like with Judith strapped to his chest. A blood-soaked, foul-mouthed, likely psychotic hero, but a hero nonetheless. His _mate_. For the first time, his omega instinct were not in two minds about that fact. He could feel himself purring internally at the thought, which of course still made him suspicious and anxious, but he bond felt _good_. More like a lifeline than a noose around his neck.

”If there are, I’ll join you”, he replied and got a lewd grin in response. The grin faltered and he looked as if he wanted to say something.

”What is it?” he asked and Negan cleared his throat.

”Actually, I came to tell you that I’m getting fucking _divorced_.” Negan paused, eyebrows raised as if waiting for a reaction.

”Yeah? That’s good”, he replied calmly, sorting out what little supplies they had managed to bring with them. It was weird how almost losing your child put things in perspective. Right now he couldn’t bring himself to be angry at Negan. Not when the man had taken instant action to correct his mistake, driven all the way just to tell him _and_ saved Judith’s life. He had to dip his head to hide his smile.

”That’s it? ’That’s good’? That’s all I get?” Negan threw his hands out in a ’what gives?’ gesture.

He chuckled internally but schooled his features before looking up.

”What would you like me to say?” he said mildly. Negan huffed.

”How about something like: ’that makes me fucking excited, let’s find the showers so I could give you a celebratory blowjob’.”

Rick straightened up, dusting his hands off on his jeans.

”Let’s find the showers”, he repeated innocently.

”Yeah?” Negan said, eyes narrow in suspicion but a wide grin was spreading over his face. ”You and your fucking Mona Lisa smile… go ahead, lead the way.”

 

And Rick did, and eventually they found some showers that worked.

 

And as it turned out, Rick lead the way more often than not, and for a lot longer than that. There were struggles, hard ones. But years later when Rick looked back, he remembered that the hardest part of their journey together came to a turning point in the dark, buried deep underground with the dead walking the earth above them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the last chapter, babies. Thank you so much for sharing the story with me, I can honestly say it would not have been written without your sweet support and kind words. <3
> 
> So is this it? Is this the end? Nah. Not really. No story really ends, it just fades out in a particular time and place. This is where the relationship that I wanted to explore came to a natural turning point for the better. So we leave them there, for now. But we'll visit them, checking in for particularly dramatic scenes, domestic bliss or steamy smut. They will not be posted here as new chapters, but rather I will start a new story with one-shot scenes uploaded as chapters. If you don't want to miss it, be sure to 'author follow' me, or whatever it's called, so you'll get a notification if I upload a new story. 
> 
> If you have a prompt or a scene you'd really love to see, PM me here or on Tumblr (cherryflesh-writes) and I'll pass it on to my muse. 
> 
> Hey, and if you liked the story please comment and let me know. I'm dying to see what you guys thought of it as a whole, and this chapter in particular. 
> 
> See you around the fandom, babies. Stay fabulous. MWAH! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧


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